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 PostPosted: Wed Aug 28, 2013 2:31 am Reply with quote        
Hello everyone,

On March 20th I officially signed a contract with the United States Navy to be employed as an Aviation Machinist Mate. On September 16th I'll be arriving at boot.

I wanted to start this thread to talk about your thoughts and opinions about military service and of course if anyone has served in the military any advice for what I have decided to embark upon would be Much appreciated.

I plan on posting in this thread, when i get the chance, during my military career.

I think it's more of a way for me to track my thoughts and experiences to look back on in the future.

My main concern of course is that I'm currently in a relationship.. I'm sure everyone who has served has always mulled over what could go wrong in term of the person they care about being so far away, out of touch for such long periods of time... She's just started her first year at Eastern Kentucky University... I've thought about preemptively cutting things off to avoid any heart break of being off and away somewhere and having her leave me but i don't think i have it in me.

What kind of things keep long-distance relationships together?

How does a really likable person who's around friendly people constantly keep feelings for someone they'll only be able to see for a week at a time every 3 months?

Am i asking too much by wanting her to stay with me during all of this?

I've got so many questions and stresses regarding this that i don't know what to think. Duh

If anyone's has any questions or comments i'll be more than happy to discuss anything


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 PostPosted: Wed Aug 28, 2013 5:11 pm Reply with quote        
While I never served myself, I've had relatives and friends who either were in or related to a military fellow. One of my high school friends married her high school sweetheart when he joined the Navy, and found support groups of sorts to ease the discomfort and concern. She often talked about it, and they were still able to keep in touch despite the distance. From what I can tell, they're still happy. She's proud of him, too.

My grandfather was also in the navy helping with technology on the ships and the like, back in the early days of computers and the war with Vietnam (I think it was Vietnam. Or was it Korea? He passed years ago and I can't remember his stories about those days as well as I used to). While I'd never have the courage, I always admired his talk of it and that he served, even if I personally am extremely pacifist.

Going out of my biased thoughts, I think that in general, the military is a necessity despite the sadness of the fact. I've grown up supporting troops whether it was from school projects to general fundraisers. We used to make special gift packs at my middle school filled with cards, drawings, trinkets and twinkies...The twinkies were the big part of that, not sure why. My teacher had a sort of obsession with them. But either way, we were constantly sending boxloads of twinkies to the troops. So, I sort of just grew up already being taught 'the military is awesome, adore them'. And, while I hate battle, I admit they really are amazing. They put their lives on the line and show extreme bravery. There's a lot of praise to be given, but this isn't the point here so...I should stop rambling.

In terms of long-distance relationships, however...That's an awkward question. For me, my romantic relationships have always been solely internet based. I had my first boyfriend online when I was 12...We never met once, yet my feelings for him were as strong as any other tween in love for the first time. Distance can play a factor no matter what- but so does time. Every person reacts to distance differently. I've been friends with people to the point of being like family without ever meeting them, and we're still very close. The distance, though sometimes trifling, doesn't hurt us.

I think there are far too many factors in a relationship to explain this, but they all tie together with the distance factor. The people, of course, for starters. If this person is patient and is able to handle just occasionally talking and knowing you love them, it's less likely to be a problem than if they're super clingy and need to know where you are every five seconds. Of course, the fact that you're entering the military can also alter the person itself. It's natural they'll end up worrying about you since they care for you. Just like you'll always miss them, they'll miss you. It's natural.

However, the ways of working through this and other factors of the separation and the relationship itself really rely on you and your partner. Some people I've heard find just letters can be enough. Others need video chat regularly if it's plausible. And some just can't find a way...Some can handle just a week every 3 months at minimum. Others can't. It's really all dependent on your specific scenario and those involved...So while I can't say what will happen or if it will work, I can at least say in my personal, possibly biased opinion, wanting her to stay by you and keep her feelings for you isn't necessarily something to 'ask of her'. It's something you can wish of her, I think. You already seem to accept that it may be hard, but if you ask her of her to try to work through it together...I think, if you can both agree on that, it should be fine to ask it of her. Just never forget it's two way streets with these things. She needs to be comfortable and feel able too. If it's consensually decided to work hard on it, it will work more likely than if she doesn't truly feel able or willing to try from the beginning.

But, I wish you great luck. I have high hopes things will work out. Never forget, you have friends here and will hopefully have friends when you're away too. Don't take these things by yourself. Life is a team sport, no?

PM me to RP. Always looking for partners~
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Strix Varia

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 PostPosted: Thu Aug 29, 2013 11:05 pm Reply with quote        
Congrats on joining the Navy. And machinist training is always valuable after you get out!

As to relationships, all to often people can't hold them together even when they are close. All I can suggest is that communication is absolutely vital in maintaining an average chance of success. You don't have to write her every day but when you visit her in three months, don't let the last time you talked to her be three months ago!

Also you two will need something to look forward to. What is she planning to do after she leaves college and what do you plan to do after you leave the navy? If she plans to spend to spend the next 20 years tracking the life style of the african gecko and you plan to spend the next 50 years ranking up as a naval officer, you two probably don't have much of a future together. But if you both dream of buying a small house, a fuel efficient car, a white picket fence, and have 2.3 children in the next 5-10 years then it might be worth fighting for.

Other than that what kind of person is she? How long have you been together? What sort of relationship have you had so far? Has she expressed any concerns or hopes for the future of your relationship? How many levels do you 'click' on? If the only thing you two have in common is just enjoying bunches of wild and crazy sex then congratulations man, you had a good run. Enjoy the memories and move on.

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 PostPosted: Thu Aug 29, 2013 11:15 pm Reply with quote        
You know, a lot of that makes sense. I guess right now a part of my stress is just the wait.. I've been in D.E.P. for months now, i've quit my job, moved in with a very good friend of mine, and pretty much settled back. I've got Waaaaaaay too much free time on my hands where all i do is sit around and Think. My significant other is working hard getting into pre-med at EKU, and so with me sitting around all the time i can't help but feel bored and even a bit worried.

i'm really happy she's working so hard, but i get this weird feeling of rejection when i haven't heard from her until after she's just about to go to bed late at night. She's gotten better and started calling me during her lunch and we've talked about some things that have really put me at ease (kind of a jealous guy who could sit on the phone for hours talking about nothing and be happy). I was really afraid at first that she was going to act like everything was great and what not until i finally got on the bus, and then throw me aside. but what guy doesn't worry about things like that?

I'm sure if things do go well i wont have any worries because i'll be busy myself then. but Who knows? I've tried to stop stressing because the last thing i want or need is my feelings for a girl to get in the way of my future or my career.

This is the biggest decision, and probably the easiest, i've made in my entire life. Its what i always wanted to do and it's the key to my future. It'd be a shame if i let something that i have no control over get in the way of that.. But i am a guy.. and believe it or not we do usually put our significant others above ourselves.

@Strix Varia
Thanks! Her plan is to become a hematologist, so she'll be in schooling for quite some time.

As for me... The current plan is to Serve my 4, and use what i have to start my college. She'll be schooling for years.. She's really driven to achieving her goal and wants me to achieve mine. Of course i'll be going to college while i'm in the Navy and they'll be helping me after my term is up. I hadn't planned on going career, but if i really enjoy my time in the navy then Absolutely! Why not do something i love to do and retire off of it?

While I'm in serving, we'll be talking regularly and as often as we can but with 1 month of leave each year, i'll be spreading out our time to a week every 3 months so at any point in the year ill still have 2 weeks saved up in case of emergency... my Mother's health... isn't so good.. So i have to be prepared for things like that.

Me? I'd kill to settle down 4 years from now and live the American Dream. I want at least 2 kids, a dog, a nice home by the woods... Her? I'm not sure. Whenever she thinks ahead in the future, she gets really anxious, stressed out, and depressed. It's always been like that for her... But what kind of person is she? She's really caring.. She'd do anything just to know that i'm happy. At the same time she's timid, an introvert; so dealing with people really stresses her out. It's not really been about sex, we spend most of our time together out just walking and talking or just sleeping together (literally). But she's usually really bad about talking about what's bothering her.. it kinda takes some detective work and coercing to get it out of her since she's so used to being kept to herself.

We've been together for quite a while... Things were getting rough for her during school so she told her parents we broke up just so they'd leave her alone about how school comes first. They love me to death and i still visit them for lunch and stuff, but like all parents they just want whats best for their daughter and were worried that i was getting in the way of school.

As for a fuel efficient car? nah.. I've got a 1971 Kawasaki LtEd. Motorcycle i plan of putting to use until i have to grab a minivan.

colonel cadaver

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 PostPosted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 10:39 pm Reply with quote        
I have a friend who had an friend from North Carolina who she met on WoW. He enlisted in the army, they met up, got married, and now have a house and a baby. Her husband gets sent away quite a bit though so that's rough on her sometimes.
Point of story: Online friendship turned into Military family. Hai
Tharain Blackshield

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 PostPosted: Sat Jan 04, 2014 5:38 pm Reply with quote        
I may possibly have a run in with you at some point? Who knows! I am joining the British Navy myself. And like you, my relationship will become long distance, with long deployments and I know it will be a difficult situation, but you know what they say, time away makes the heart grow fonder.
Don't end it with her, (I'm guessing since this was posted in August that you've had time to adjust?) how are you finding it currently, are you both still together?

Military service is something you should be proud of. I'm proud of myself for getting thus far even though I don't start my service until September 14th.
(I'm a woman btw, so it's a little tougher for me!)

But yeah my relationship of 3 years (4 by that point) will be put under enormous pressure, but I'm doing it for mine and my partner's future. I want worldly experiences first and to see a bit of action before I settle for the mum-routine!

I hope all is going well for you though! *Salutes*

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 PostPosted: Mon Feb 10, 2014 12:55 am Reply with quote        
I started dating a guy in the army way back (which we'd dated before) but while he was in the US he could come home more often, but he broke it off....and either before...or after (it's been awhile), he dated a friend of mine for awhile. They broke up too.

Dunno if that was distance, or just not working out in general, or hell, maybe even both.
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