A place to rant and get advice if you want.

[Ethereal]

neomattlac - Yeah, it's just annoying because everyone knew me from working at Sobeys due to that's where you shop. Either there or Super A. o_o Also because everyone knows my mother it should get me in easier and is actually why I've had some interviews, but as soon as they find out I either didn't go to school in Gimli, or that I don't have my grade 12, their faces get that strained "oh" expression and I never get that promised call back to let me know if I got it or not. I'm an intelligent human being, I LOVE working. I'm the type of person who if it's my only day off and I hear someone can't make a shift I'll go in even if they don't ask me I'll offer. I also don't have the time to wait for the employers to notice me, or think twice about me. Our rent if going up another hundred dollars soon which will make is almost eight hundred, which is WAY more than my mom can afford.

We have a cat so.. everything that comes with that to play for plus hydro, phone bill, cable, car, car insurance and gas, my mothers blood meter things, her anti-depressants as well as diabetic pills, not to mention my mother smokes A LOT more than I do, groceries and then the rent. My mom cannot afford that all on her own which is why I am trying to hard to find another job. It just sucks, because if I was in Lac du Bonnet, an even smaller town where I grew up I'd get a job no freaking problem. *sigh*

Illusion - Yeah it is kind of annoying, more frustrating than anything.My mom may not be an alcoholic but she can be physically abusive at times, but for the most part she's just mentally abusive which I cannot handle as well as physical abuse. That sentence in itself is so wrong but that's how it is. Currently on an almost daily basis I have her threatening to kick my ass out because I do not have a job, and am not trying "hard" enough. Ugh, if she does kick me out I am more than welcome to live at the place I am currently visiting. Which was the original plan before I got involved with someone in Gimli, then his mother got sick and now I'm currently running lone-wolf again. Ha. My only problem at the moment other than all the crap I mentioned before is I think I'm getting sick, boo.

[Illusion]

Oh yeah my mom gets that way too when she drinks she gets physically and verbally abusive. >A<;;; She's broken so many things. So much glass, mirrors, my door once she kicked a big ol hole into my room. She said that my cat wanted in the room and what I would do when I left so she couldn't break anything is I would lock my door. So she couldn't open the door so she kicked a hole in it.

*sigh*

It's really sad how much she ruined her life and ours lives because of her alcohol addiction. -____-;

[Malverne]

I'm lucky enough to not have that problem, although I do have a LOT of complaints about my parents...y'know when your parents think they're helping you when it totally feels like they're inconveniencing you? Yea, that's my mom.

[neomattlac]

I'm kind of confused, but maybe it's the logic talking. How would living in a smaller town make getting a job easier? Larger town means more jobs...

[KoyiTar]

I honestly had something to say. But I can't remember what it was. Anyway at least you all have friends and such in real life. I just have people I work with and that's it.

[neomattlac]

I know.
Life is driving me nuts lately.
There is too much to do, but it's all regular stuff, and I'm getting tired of it.
I want to explode; do something so out there that it f's me up real good.
My gf is starting to realize I'm boring and I have a feeling that if I don't start showing initiative, then I might lose her, but its something I have trouble doing, because I like pleasing all parties.
It's freaking me out, being normal that is. If I can just find a way to escape this shell I've built around me, and it's the shell that keeps me in, too. I feel that if I can do this extreme act, what ever it is a) I'll start laughing uncontrollably and b) it'll fix some of the other stuff in my life.

[KoyiTar]

Eh I got nothing to really say I do have friends. The problem is that I don't like being told one thing and then acted at like another. I was told we would still hang out and that we would still be friends but it seems like that isn't true. Which is making me feel like I was nothing more than used to get sex. I am probably reading it wrong but that's what it is feeling more and more like the more he seemingly ignores me and avoids hanging out with me.

[neomattlac]

If he just wanted sex, he wouldn't have acted that way around you, and if all you wanted was sex, you wouldn't have stayed with him, and longed for him when he was gone.
And we all have friends, its just to what degree.
I have friends in most degrees, the problem is that my best friend is 3 hours away, and my other best friend is my brother. The other best friend is someone who is like family, and I just don't feel like she could handle it if I confided in her. She can handle herself very well, but probably not others' problems.
And I could tell my girlfriend, but it doesn't seem right. She already has too much to deal with.

[KoyiTar]

Well Seeing as the week before he broke things off with me. He came over we had sex he left then went out of town with someone who he has been friends with for a long time. But she was a female and he hung out with her alot more often than he hung out with me.

Only times he would hang out with me it seems is when he wanted to get some I guess. I don't really know. I am just tired of people telling me one thing and doing another. It fucking hurts that he did that shit. Fucking fucked me went out of town with another girl for a couple of days came back and broke things off with me.

Promised he would take me to the fair ditch me with some excuse then say we would hang out again another time for him to never contact me much less show up. Then when I asked if he wanted to hang out he had some excuse. I don't know if I am angry because I liked the guy so much or what. Thing is now I am conflicted on it because I like him and another friend of mine but it seems neither are interested. Not that it matters I don't know anymore I just want to bang my head against a wall.

I mean hell when you tell someone your going to stay friends with them and it won't be the last time you see them then it turns into nothing more than a lie. You kindave start to feel used and disrespected in many ways.

[neomattlac]

I'm sure that the person he went out of town to visit was a good friend, and he talked with her, and he probably made it sound like they should break up, and she told me so.

[KoyiTar]

Ummm No this person was a good friend and lives not that far from him. They planned the trip out of town together. Anyway I am not worried over it anymore. Time to move on anyway. I no longer shall look for a relationship all I want and seek right now is friendship. Not the kind with benefit's either. Just regular old hang out with someone friendship.

[neomattlac]

Well, it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
And I feel that there is always a postive side to be seen from things.
At least you didn't end up with him for a much longer time, get dependent on him, then he left.
I know my view is somewhat twisted.
I'm about to say "Screw rationality" and go to my girlfriend. Except that its nearly midnight, and her parents are strict(despite that we are 20 and 21 respectively). She basically had a breakdown at work today. I wish I could touch her, to hug her, to comfort her. I am supposed to just be her guardian, but I can't even do that.

[KoyiTar]

I miss his company more than anything else. The sex really didn't matter that much to me. While it is an enjoyable thing it's not what makes the relationship for me. I just enjoy being with someone talking to them hugging them cuddling. That sort of thing, Of course he was more for making out and other such things which I kindave went along with but now I am wishing I hadn't cause I feel rather used. But meh as I said I am going to let sleeping snakes lie and just find someone who wants to be my friend. Nothing more nothing less. Of course I might be willing to see how far it goes from friendship but for now all I want is a friend.

[KoyiTar]

Ok to update things my ex is an ass and nothing more than a total boy that used me for sex got bored of me said one thing and has done another so I am over it.

In other news my closest guy friend has me very confused. See I like him Hell lets face it I have always liked him since the day I met him years ago. That was mainly because of his red hair. But I have held back my real feelings for him for the most part seeing as I don't think he feels the same way. At least that was until Saturday night when we hung out for a while and one thing led to another and by the time we were finished doing what we did. Both of our comments was that was not supposed to happen not complaining that it did but it wasn't supposed to. We then went back to just hanging out trolling around the internet till like 3:30 in the morning when he realized he had to get home and I needed sleep because I had work the next morning.

I actually have no regrets about what happened and we intend to hang out again soon in fact. It's just well I had pretty much put it in the back of my mind about liking him as anything more than a friend. I had admitted before that I liked him but that was before he had a car and he already had someone else he was interested in. He set me up with the guy that turned out to be an asshole not long after that he and his girlfriend ended up breaking up and me and my guy did. I don't know what to make of the situation it highly confuses me at times. But I do like the guy for more than just his hair now. He's funny has a good personality and is just overall easy to be around. I always feel like I can be myself around him and not be judged. He knows my clothing preferences and is fine with it.

I dunno why I am working myself up about it hes just a good friend and we both apparently needed the stress relief seeing as it turned from harmless joking around like we always do to something more. What happened happened. It just has brought to mind that I really do like him as more than a friend but I want to just have a friend right now. Not necessarily with benefits. It's just maybe we both like each other a bit more than what we thought and that's why it happened I don't know anymore.

[neomattlac]

At least you are doing better than I am.
Starting to think that my depression might be coming back.