Studying Abroad

[Chu]

First of all, HAI EVERYBODY! I've been kinda busy, but free enough to check the hangouts. No one posts in Ace and Chu's Place, so I don't bother posting either. :<


Anyway, the opportunity for me to study abroad (in Japan, obviously) has become more and more prominent to me. However, I have this... thing clinging to me. I'm not really sure what it is, but people are calling it a "boyfriend" and apparently it has a name - "Sam" or "Raz" as you all may know it. Honestly? I never noticed this thing before. It's kinda... weird lookin'.

But in all seriousness. XD I'd like to study abroad, especially because I want to be a Japanese teacher, of all things. The experience would be wonderful, I love the society, and I'm actually getting over my anxiety. But. I know that it won't be all Skittles and puppies. I know that I'll have culture shock, homesickness, and massive loneliness. I'm almost certain that I'll still be dating Sam at that point, so I really don't know what to do. He's more open to the idea of taking a break, but I don't know if I want to leave him. Especially for so long. We get strained if we don't see each other exclusively for a few weeks - can you imagine?!


Don't worry about addressing that topic directly though. Have you ever studied abroad? Visited another country for an extended period of time? I want to hear your stories about how you dealt with various issues and relationships during those times. Maybe that'll give me some insight.

[Tianfu]

I studied abroad in China for six months... and left behind my man of eight years to do so. I'm not gonna lie and say he was happy about it, because he most definitely wasn't. But he also understood that it was the chance of a lifetime, and it was something that I desperately wanted to do, so he graciously took care of our home and waited for me to come back.

We mostly coped by talking on the internet daily and the occassional long-distance phone call. I brought my laptop and internet access was easy to find. So that part was about the same as any long-distance relationship.

I did have to deal with the culture shock, as well, although I had an easier time than some of the other students. I went in knowing the language relatively well and I already knew how to eat with chopsticks. (And I love spicy food, totally a necessity in Sichuan.) And I never got used to people staring at me.

But it was totally worth it. That was probably one of the best experiences of my life. If I had the money, I'd go back to China in an instant. I'd recommend studying abroad to anyone.

[Chu]

Ugh, I don't know how I'd handle a long distance relationship. I need someone to be physically near me for any type of comfort. I know that it sounds bad, but honestly, I also need sex for stress relief. Not NEED of course, but it's just the main way I vent. I don't feel like finding something else to vent with. XD I don't remember what I did before.


Oh yeah. Did I mention that I don't like Japanese food? XD

[Tianfu]

Go to a host club? Seriously though, everybody is different, of course. I know some people who wouldn't leave their significant others for even the shortest amount of time. For myself, six months with no sex was a small price to pay in order to go somewhere I'd always dreamed of going.

Although I hear you on the food thing. I also had the choice of going to Japan, and although I love Japanese modern culture, I can't stand their food. That, and the fact that I don't find their history as interesting as China's, really decided me.

[Chu]

Hahaha, Sam would kill me! XD I'm still just seventeen, so I really don't know how to cope with that type of strain, y'know? I've been spoiled in my relationship, seeing him all the time. Going two years never spending over a week apart, and still constantly talking on the phone and stuff, it's strange to think about not being able to see him for months on end.

It's not even so much the history of Japan that interests me - I just love the society. I can live without the visual kei trends and harajuku district; to love Japan or want to visit because of that is pretty silly if you ask me. What I want to experience is a society and culture that seems so vastly different from America. Even down to grocery shopping, everything is basically the opposite of what I've become accustomed to down in Kentucky. I've never lived out of state even, except for when I was too young to remember. I guess that's still a pretty silly reason to want to live in a foreign country though...

And I know it sounds stupid, but I'm really interested in experiencing a different education system than what we have here. Everyone complains about how our schools suck, but they're not taking any initiative to do anything about it. I'd like to see how things work in other countries (not only Japan) so that I can observe and learn from them. It's a hefty goal for a nobody like me, but I'd say that's my ultimate dream - not teaching Japanese or visiting Japan. What do you think of that? Part of me feels like visiting Japan would be a waste with that in mind.


I'm sorry for continuing to talk about myself. Please, share more about your experiences in China! How well did you know the language before going? How old were you? How did it compare to your expectations and predispositions from before setting off?

[Tianfu]

I was 26 when I went to China, and when you're older and been in a relationship for as long as mine was (is), the romance is a lot less... urgent, I guess. We'd been living together for seven years, so I was definitely used to seeing him every day. But an absence of six months didn't kill us.

While anime and visual kei are what westerners are familiar with, I'm sure they have far less to do with life over there. The Japanese are a little more western-ized than China, but I bet shopping is still an experience. And it depends on the program, but that might be a perfect way to learn about the Japanese school system. The program I was in was just for study abroad students because, honestly, American students just would not be able to survive an authentic Chinese school experience. We had lovely, modern apartments with our own rooms, only about three hours of class a day and teachers that spoke English. However, I do know that some study abroad programs place you with regular classes, rather than classes composed entirely of your fellow foreign students.

However, if your goal is to experience a different school system in mind to improve the American one, Japan probably isn't the best choice. Asian students have a different mindset than western ones, mostly focused on rote memorization. I came up against this in China. Western students want to know why something works the way it does, and our demands for explanations continually baffled our language teachers. They wanted us just to memorize the rules. For a more functional school system in regards to fixing the American one, I'd look to Europe.

As for my own experience, my program was perfect. I'd studied Mandarin for two years before going, so I wasn't conversational, but I knew enough to get around just fine. I also picked up a bit of the local dialect. I was glad that there was so little time spent in class, because I learned way more outside of school. I spent most of my day wandering around the city, discovering new places. As for my expectations, I thought it would be like living in Chinatown... easier to get good food, but essentially like my life already was. The reality was much, much better.

We arrived right before Chinese New Year, which is basically a month-long party with fireworks and light displays and flowers and some of the best food I've ever eaten. There were red lanterns hung EVERYWHERE, all around the city. And there was music everywhere you went. There was a traditional dance troup that practiced below my bedroom window every morning.

But even after Chinese New Year, every day was amazing. The city was full of these tiny little parks, one every few blocks. And every morning, these parks would be full of older people practicing Tai Chi, or doing ballroom dancing. And I got to go to so many wonderful places... I learned to play Mahjong on a little river boat, with the man pulling the rudder having to tell us students when somebody had actually won. I got to pet a panda and hold a red panda. I spent a day hiking up a sacred mountain with a monk. I walked about two-hundred feet of the Great Wall, which was all I could handle, because I picked a very mountainous spot. I saw the terra cotta warriors and got very good at taking pictures around the Forbidden City that contained no people (which was quite a feat, considering there were hundreds of people there).

It was truly an amazing experience. My dream is to save up enough money to go back, because while I saw a lot, there's still a ton I didn't get to see. I only got to spend three days each in Beijing, Xian and Shanghai, and it definitely wasn't enough time. I didn't get to see the Summer Palace because I came down with a horrible cold and I still regret it. But yes, now I sing the praises of China to anyone who will listen.

[Nova]

I have actually studied abroad, and I found it very helpful.
When you study abroad, in order to get used to the new culture, you need to see things from the natives perspective, which, again, broadens your mind and teaches you new things about both the world and yourself.
Homesickness will be there, I won't lie.
What I did to beat it was that I brought some things form home, like a teddy-bear of favorite pillow, as well as burn a few CD's that reminded me of home.
Talking to your family on skype will also be helpful.
It is also important to not hold onto the past. If you keep thinking that you're homesick and that you miss home and people there, you will miss out on the fun that happens where you are, and, without noticing, keeping yourself from fully participating in the social things you should be doing there.

When it comes to the boyfriend...
Honestly, you are not very old. The chance of him being the one you'll marry and settle down with is very slim.
If you let the fact that you have a boyfriend keep you from grasping this wonderful opportunity you'll be given, you will regret it.
Your feelings towards him will start to change, and you'll subconsciously start to feel as if he's inhibiting you, and without knowing it, start to blame him.
Also, if you do break up, it will suck even more that you wasted your opportunity on him.
I also honestly think you two should not be together while you are in Japan.
Many people tend to stick together because they're insecure and need the stability of status quo, and they fear the changes a breakup will be too frightening, but, such state of mind can be very inhibiting.
I have lived many other places than 'home', and I've noticed one thing: The people who were not single when they moved to the schools I studied at, they were the ones who participated the least in any sort of social activities, and the first ones to drop out and go back home because they missed their bf/gf too much.
You should never let a boyfriend get in the way of your education (especially not when it can be this important to your entire future career), because, as I said, unless you are 25+, the chances of him really being your future husband and the father of your children are virtually non-existent.

Other than that, i wish you good luck.
Remember that feeling homesick is completely natural, and you must allow yourself to feel it without holding on to it.
Open yourself to new experiences, and try and make yourself as happy as you can where you are (be it Japan, The US or on the moon) rather than worry about how happy you were somewhere else.

Good luck, and have fun!

EDIT:
I also agree with Tianfu who said that Europe should be considered.
Denmark has a lot of boarding schools and very good school systems. (theycall their boarding school Efterskole)
I also love Denmarks culture and history, as well as the fact that Danes are very friendly and open-minded (and don't get my started on the food <3 )
Norway also has some good schools (they call them folkehøyskole) and an okay school system, but try not to apply for one too far north in the country.

[Chu]

@Tianfu: That's really interesting... About why Japanese schools wouldn't be the best to look to. You're absolutely right in saying that American students are more interested in the "why" - I'm one of them.

Wow, that sounds like an amazing experience. It's good that you got to experience so much of their culture.


@Nova: I don't think that I'd miss home as much as I'd miss having someone to support me. I'm a very physical person, so that physical presence means much more to me than comforting words. (I'm talking about my family here too.) In fact, that's the only way that I've learned to cope with things because my family isn't very good with verbal or sentimental affection. The only thing they're good for in that is just being there if I need a hug without any words exchanged.

Oh, and I'm really not very social. I'm more of an observer than anything in real life.

I hope that I'm not coming off as defensive here, but I've never liked the mentality that young couples will most likely not last. I understand where it comes from because most young people are very immature and don't handle problems in relationships well, but that's really no reason to pass judgment onto all of them. Trust me, I completely understand where you're coming from with that, and I'm not conceited enough to deny the possibility, but we've discussed these things recently and we're aware of all of the consequences of dating or breaking up during this experience. While I'd like not to be idealistic and romantic, I do see us lasting for a while. I'm also a family person more than anything, so given the opportunity I'd drop all career aspirations gladly to raise children. Because that's an extremely unrealistic fantasy, I have to pursue a career, and teaching is probably the most suited for me.

Basically, what I’m getting at is that regardless of the situation, my loved ones come first. We all have regrets, and I’d rather regret an experience – any experience – than regret leaving or letting down those people, even if the relationships fail. I know what it feels like to have close relationships fail too – I’m talking about my father here, not some useless ex – so I don’t think that’s an idealistic idea.


But I guess we’ll see. At this point, I’m feeling far too timid about leaving my family. My uncle recently developed lung cancer, my mom was diagnosed with a disease that’s slowly degrading her body, my grandma’s health is still getting worse, and rumor has it that my dad recently appeared in-state after vanishing for a while. The drama surrounding my family never ceases and when huge things hit, I always feel terrible if I don’t do something. I’m thinking that I’d rather stay here because I don’t want to be in another country if something happens. I’d hate myself if someone died, if someone were born, if someone were hospitalized, or if someone disappeared again, and I weren’t around to help support anyone.

I’ve become less concerned about mine and Sam’s relationship. As I said before, he and I talked about it recently. We had a very long discussion and I’d rather not go into details, just because it’ll take too long. But basically, we’ve decided to take things as they come. There’s no sense in worrying ourselves over a breakup that may never happen, or may not because of those reasons, regardless.