Waiting till marriage...

[Weaseldale]

[Tsemara]

I didn't feel like it was my place to butt into the conversation. Though, I thought I might as well add my two cents.

I would rather wait until marriage until I had sex. This is not a religious reason. Though being raised as a Roman Catholic, I am not a very religeous person. And it's not really due to parental pressure either. Okay, not true. I'm not sure what my Dad would think. He might just scold my ear off. Mom doesn't care, as long as I can live with what I decide to do. I just don't think I really need to have sex. It doesn't help that I'm asexual and I don't have that attraction to anyone anyhoo. So I think I'm cheating.

I'm a virgin, and bloody proud of it. I have nothing against those that have sex outside of marriage. Two of my siblings have already had sex. It might have been the cause some problems in their relationships afterwards. But they learned how to live sexually healthy lives. (Though our parents don't know.) One of my oldest and dearest friends had sex at an early age. She's now a proud mother of a beautiful little girl. I'm not 100% sure if she's married, though. I wasn't told about the child until her baptism.

---===The rest is me ranting. You can stop here if you like.===---

On a side note. I don't want kids. For one, I would be the uncool parent that wouldn't let their child do anything I see parents letting their kid do nowadays. I see too many stupid people from day to day, that act the way they do because their parents didn't care enough to raise the child properly. I think there are enough people on the planet, and I don't need to add to the problem. I read about habitats being destroyed and species being wiped out because humans are continually needing more space to spread out to. Okay yeah, I'm done, for now.

[BubbleTrouble]

[Transcendence]

Thanks you all have helped a lot.

Its strange. I used to be a very sexual person. I mean I used to crave that sort of relationship early in my boyfriend and my relationship.

Now, I dont. I feel afraid. Mostly because we tried so long...or he tried...haha. Lets just say that I evaded it. That now I feel like we wont ever do it. Its just really an endless cycle. Now I have no confidence on the subject at all.

And lately it has been more about being able to preform than being afraid of the consequences of the sex its self or even the idea of giving up my virginity. The reason is I have been avoiding it thinking that I wanted to wait till marriage, but now that I have changed my mind all my experiences avoiding it come back to me and now I feel just so useless between the sheets. Just really more scared that I wont be able to do it right and then I will FAIL. And he will be disappointed. Or I wont be able to relax enough. It wont be enjoyable for me and I wont ever want to do it again. ETC.

Yes, I know he loves me. We have talked about waiting. He would wait for me if he had to even though he doesnt want to. He is a guy what can he say? In a way, I feel like if he had to wait that this would strengthen his love for me, but I kinda doubt that now. He already loves me, having sex can do nothing but strengthen it. There is always the cheating factor in the back of my head. That idea that if I waited he would cheat and if I didnt he would cheat. I know that he wouldnt, but I still have my doubts about cheating. I just have a hard time trusting people and I guess thats why I have this problem with the sex idea.


Thank you all for really listening and helping me. It is great to hear your own thoughts on the subject.

[Chu]

Honestly I was worried about the performance issue too, but everything seems to occur really naturally. Plus, I don't think you could be "bad" anyway; I can't explain it well but I just don't believe that anyone can be considered bad during their first time.

[BubbleTrouble]

Just try not to worry about it, I wouldn't know really, but like Chu said it occurs naturally which makes sense because it is natrual, just as long as you relax it should be fine.

[Transcendence]

Alright. I will try to make it all flow naturally when that moment comes along again. wow. I feel like I am getting therapy here. Haha.

[Graymalkin]

Waiting was never an option for me. I chose carefully who I willingly gave myself to and I still love him and always will. I am terribly glad he is still my best friend. He still loves me but lives a few provinces away until he can get enough money to move back in a few years. I don't wait for anyone dating wise so.. if I date someone before he comes back so be it. He is currently in a relationship with a girl he loves less than me and who she doesn't give a shit about his feelings. Which hurts me, nevermind different topic. I'll leave that to a rant. Anyways, I never had the decision of losing it or keeping it. If I could have I would have. The choice was taken from me when I was seven or so. Then up until I was ten years old and my mother and I moved away from everything. Her reason was an abusive boyfriend, mine I was just going along. So, if I had the choice I would have waited yes.

[laniparis]

Waiting won't physically harm you or your boyfriend, but giving up on your pact with your friend could leave you with a lot of regret and even remorse...

I chose myself to be celibate, it's not necessarily a pact to god or my parents, or even a friend, but a pact with myself, that I'm ultimately worth the wait (that might sound vain, lol)...

At the moment I don't have a boyfriend so it's kind of easy to keep it, lol... but, yeah I don't doubt it wouldn't be hard to remain a virgin in a steady relationship, just stay true to yourself and you'll be fine...

Hope you and your boyfriend one day get married and live happily ever after, like you deserve

[Midorean_Kairi]

I personally believe that waiting until marriage is the best option. My roommates at college have a different opinion. Abstinence is the only fool-proof way to avoid such things as STD's and pregnancy. Plus what if you give your virginity to someone and then that person breaks up with you? Then you are scarred for life. I could also get into the religious aspect of this arguement, but that would take a while... I might have people mad at me afterward. I am waiting.... so should you!

[Iregyura]

I think you should wait. If he really loves you, then he would accept that. Plus, sometimes people put on a fake outward look. Maybe. I don't mean to say something bad, but for once in our lives we should be good little kids. As I was saying, maybe he'll ditch you one day. And I think actually getting a boyfriend/girlfriend --> falling in love --> stressed an constantly visiting the hospital (me, haha) would effect your grades a lot. Or at least it has for me.
So, don't let any of this bother you, I'm sure it'll work out right. And if it doesn't there's always going to be someone out there who loves you. Our will, depending if you know this person or not. So don't worry; all will work out!! (That's the only advice I can give you out of my somewhat bland love life....Haha.)

[Sillice]

I would glad state my opinion, but I feel I would be repeat the wise girl on the first page. So I'll hold them to myself since you all already know what I would write. Though I'm still a virgin.

Can I ask this though, what about sex is so...taboo? Why can't we talk about it openly? Is it our culture or is it ingrained in us?

[Tsemara]

[Transcendence]

It is all very hard for me to wait when other people...well many girls from my school have babies on their hips now. Granted. they are not the...people of best character, but they have steady enough boyfriend.

The only thing that worries me about them is they are not married and they have this baby. What if the boyfriend leaves them and they are stuck that way. Often when it comes to girls like them... I feel like they had a baby as some ploy to keep their boyfriend around. I dont know...am I just being paranoid? I know my sister tried to do that with her boyfriend and he left her for his ex girlfriend. He obviously was using her the whole time! Now she is stuck with a little baby boy trying to make her own way in life. At least she is in her 30s and not 19-20 like most of the girls that I think are doing the same.

I just feel like I dont want to have a baby. I dont want to have that sex that I had with my boyfriend to make it even harder if he ever breaks up with me. I feel like I am just this person that needs to protect myself constantly from getting hurt. I am always in danger of this pain. I am honestly a quite jaded person. I cant seem to trust anyone. Especially men. I think this has mostly to do with my up bringing, but really nothing horribly bad happened to me. I wasnt raped or anything. I just feel men cant be trusted most of the time. I feel like they all cheat and leave you for another woman. So I am constantly on the look out for such things. I think that is why if i wait for marriage i will feel like my boyfriend really is making a commitment of love for me.

I dont know maybe I am a little messed in the head.

[Iregyura]

Well, if it's like that, then wait till marriage comes along. Maybe by then you'll be ready. Plus, then you guys are real, "husband and wife," so he probably will stay with you. And if he leaves, at least it's a divorce, he doesn't leave you penniless and hopeless. At least you get something. This sounds lame, but yah. OK. I'm done. Maybe. Oh sorry. Maybe I'm restating what you said. But I'm a bit sleepy, so I can't read things right. Sorry about that.