Desensitising Children

[Rawien]

I've just now been having a discussion that I wanted a few more opinions on. Nowerdays I'm beginning to see that the, if you like, "age of innocence" is getting smaller and smaller. Younger children than ever are being exposed to all sorts of violence, sex, crime, drugs, alcohol and other things that affect they're development, not neccesarily directly but through the media.
For example, I've known of primary school children to have seen horror films that are rated 18 (I think that's M in america?). I don't like horror films like that!!
I really don't agree with exposing children at such a young age to anything that is violent or "adult" in any way...I find that children that are exposed to this grow up with less emotional attatchment, without being able to see just how real and devistating things like killing and bloodshed are, having seen it in the media, (not just the news,) and in the world around them.
Maybe I feel a bit old fashioned, and I don't want to shelter children necessarily, but I don't like the idea that at younger and younger ages children are genuinely becoming desensitised and used to the appearance of things that a matter of years ago would've been shocking to most adults.

So yes, I just wanted to know other peoples arguments and thoughts on the matter?

Do you feel the same way?
How would you show your children some of the more frightening things in the world?
Do you think it's the medias responsibility to tone it down?
Do you feel there is more a problem with the public in general, not with the media.


Hahah I hope I haven't seemed to weird and nerdy lol

[Maeve]

It's not weird and nerdy lol, just some good old common sense.

I agree with you on most stuff. I means, it's true that kids nowadays are more exposed to any violent/sexual/drug-related/ etc. things that most of us were (note that I'm 20). I mean, I'm sure that like in the Middle-Age and before, kids were certainly exposed to all of that and even more, but I love to think that we have morally evolved since that time.

But I think it's mostly a personal/parental responsibility than a media-related thing. I mean, if you let you're 10 years old child watch a mature movie, you have problems in your head. Clear and simple lol. The medias did their job and put a rating on that saying that it's good for a mature audience, and that's supposed to mean something. Of course, kids, especially when they get to around 10-14 years old, love to do what older kids do, 'cause it looks "cool", but I think it's their parents' job to put limits.

Of course, if you put a computer with an Internet connexion or a t.v with cable/satellite in your kid's bedroom, there a good chance they will check those things without you knowing about it. But, I mean, duh!, what did you think they would do? Homeworks? LOL! Kids are curious, so if they hear something at school or from other kids and they know it's something you don't want them to talk about, they will go search their answers somewhere else, and Internet is perfect for that.

The medias will show what people want, or at least what they think people want. If there's something you don't like on T.V, you will change channel, right? Then, it's just the same thing when your kids are watching T.V. If you see them watching something they are not supposed to check, you change the channel. Of course, I have a little something against channels that show inappropriate things at hours where they are sure that kids will be watching. Though, even then, if they show it at that hour, it's because people are watching... otherwise, they would just move it to a more appropriated timezone.

I think it's just a mater of having a good relation with your kids. If they trust you and know you are open to discussion and have time for them, they are more likely to go talk with you. It doesn't mean that they won't watch horrible stuff, but at least, if they have questions about what they saw, they will probably ask you and not some other crazy kid. And then, you will get a chance to have a real discussion with them about all those things. Or you can try to just go talk with them, but it seems like most parents don't know how to start serious conversations with their kids and feel uncomfortable in it.

Of course, I think that as long as they are kids (let's say under 12 years old), you should really control what they can or can't watch, in the same way you will control what they can or can't do. You would let your 10 years old hang out in a bar at 2AM in the morning, right? It's the same thing with more mature media. And then, you just slowly release the leash, so they can learn to make their own choice, but you still get a chance to talk with them and lead them somehow.

lol long long post...

[Killing.is.fun]

The thing young kids are exposed to now a days is just wrong. There are young kids like 6-7 who know thing i didnt know till i was 13 and thought i was too young to know. Just the other day i wasked pase my little brother's room and he was singing "i am not a whore". At first i thought he was just singing it because he like the sound but had no idea what it really ment, but i was wrong. A few hours latter he was singint it again and i turned to him and said "stop singing that you do not even know what a whore is!" he replied "yes i do it a girl that fucks with lots of guys and something gets money for it". I was so shocked at his responce i dropped my glass. Hes only 8 years old god dammnit! I have no idea where he is learining thes aweful things but if i fund out they who it is they will pay!

I think the problem is that now a days people feel that the "kids are oing to learn it anyway so what wrong with learning it young". I have heard that from many people mostly younr adults and teens and it so sickining. People have no respect now a days and are ruining younger generations. When i invite friend over i spend half my time telling them to watch their mouths because my little brother can hear us. Everyone seem to have lost their filter and just says what they want when they want. I bleme the publi c and their lack of consideration for it.

Oh and it rated R in america for movies and it is 17 and up M is only used for videogames

[Chu]

I’ve witnessed two (somewhat) extremities in myself and a friend of mine in the desensitizing area.

I grew up around cussing, police, drug problems, rape, etc. My family tried to shelter me but they couldn’t hide what was going on. Because of all of the “friction” so to say of my childhood, I did grow up emotionally detached. Throughout life I’ve learned that there are times when it’s okay to let your emotions run away with you, and at others, it’s not acceptable. I had to grow up before any of my friends; I took care of my brother and sister in late elementary and middle school. Yes, it all hurt me quite a lot at the time and I had to deal with depression and mental/emotional breakdowns while everyone else was whining over best friend troubles, but now that I’m sixteen I haven’t gotten into drugs or drinking because I made the decision early on not to get into the situations that my family members got into, and to not put my future children through what I’ve been through. I’ve also gained an intense distrust of people, men especially, which has kept me out of a lot of potentially bad relationships.

In my case, I think it’s good that I saw all of these things. I lost my childhood and was forced to grow up quickly, but because of that I’m going into Junior year as an “adult” while most of my peers are still “children” and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I don’t make friends, I don’t go to parties, and a lot of people dislike me because of an air of conceitedness that I hold. The same thing applies to my childhood. Could I be happier? Hell yes, but I don’t think I’d want to change things, because I’m independent enough to go through life without someone holding my hand. I have a boyfriend that I couldn’t see myself living without, but I’m sure that when push comes to shove, I could go without him too. My rough childhood didn’t ruin me as it would seem – it only made me stronger.

Now, in my friend’s case, she grew up as a sheltered child. Her parents stayed together for most of her life (thus far) and she didn’t have to worry about the things that I had to worry about. Her mom packed her lunch, watched her brother, they all ate dinner together. Her mom would do anything not to see her cry, and that’s just what she did. The friend got what she wanted and never had to work for it. She was so comfortable as a child though that as she got older her views on the world became distorted. She believes that simply trying hard will get you somewhere, and that she can win people over by giving them false kindness and then talking about them behind their backs. She believes that trying to seduce her male teachers will get her an A. Sure, these things work on some people, but when she runs across someone that sees through that, she can’t stand it. She’ll have a breakdown if she doesn’t get her way, and if someone wrongs her, she chases them down and persists until they apologize. In most cases, they won’t.

One time I outright told her that life won’t treat her the way high school does and that one day karma will get her for all the wrong that she’s done, and when it does, I’ll be happy. She had an emotional breakdown and screamed at me incoherently, and eventually a teacher had to take her away. I don’t regret that and won’t take it back because it’s true. To this day she believes we’re close friends even though I can’t stand her. Why? I’m a challenge. She knows that she can’t win me over with false kindness and she knows that I beat her at everything that she tries at. She views the situation as: It’s better to have a powerful ally than a powerful enemy.

What I’m getting at is that because of her sheltered life, because her parents did everything for her and basically said that she can do whatever she wants because she’s smart and pretty and kind… She’s a wreck. She dates a guy that’s not even into her, but he’s too afraid to break up with her because she’s said that she’ll commit suicide if he does. She throws tantrums over even smaller things than listed above (like getting a B on her report card) because she believes that she can do no wrong. She grew up in a good environment but because of her personality, she’s under the impression that life will treat her well because she’s amazing.

Both of these cases are because of personalities. I’m an independent person with high standards so growing up around addictions and violence made me want to be the opposite of those things. She’s a dependant and conceited person so her good home life only fed that superiority problem. I’m sure that if I were in her situation and she were in mine, our results would be different. Parents deciding how much to shelter their children should know their children well in the first place. From there they should find a happy middle. Had I grown up with more stability, I’d probably have more friends and wouldn’t seem like a sociopath. Had my friend grown up with more discord, maybe she wouldn’t be so stuck on her superiority.

[BubbleTrouble]

Do you feel the same way?
I think I do, I certainly don't like the idea of young kids knowing too much. It's almost like ruining something to me, like taking away their innocence. I know that probably sounds a bit stupid.
How would you show your children some of the more frightening things in the world?
Truthfully I have no idea. But they shouldn't be alone to have to learn these things, they should have someone older to explain it to them.
Do you think it's the medias responsibility to tone it down?
Hmm, well their certainly not helping
Do you feel there is more a problem with the public in general, not with the media.
I suppose, all the people putting things up on the internet that are adult where children can stumble upon it easily is bad.

[Transcendence]

Personally yes, it is appalling what kinds these days are exposed to!


I see kindergartners having boyfriends/girlfriends, why on earth are they thinking about these things? They are not capable of these feelings. And where do they learn these things? On tv and in the media. I have no doubt that in time kids this young may try to do more than just date and such. It is just disgusting seeing young kids know all the facts of life when they are not even old enough to experience it themselves.

I mean when you are young your only job should be to use your imagination and to play and have fun. You shouldnt be thinking about sex, dugs, and guns. But that is all that is on tv. Swearing is also a big problem with kids these days. I mean honestly I dont want to see a little 6 year old swear.

Personally I had an experience where my step brother was touch inappropriately. He was touched by a kid his age that saw something on tv to the same extent and that was the result. I think parents should smarten up. The only thing is..its a spiraling downfall. The innocence of children every where is growing smaller. Just a few years difference in age shows a large gap. I mean when I was a senior middle school kids were having orgys! It was big news. I would never have thought of doing such things when I was that age. No one in my class would have.

I think it is now a lost cause for parents that do want to keep their children innocent for a little longer. Once kids go to school they will hear from other kids all about sex and the other bad things in life. I dont think this will ever stop. So the only thing those parents can do is talk to their kids early about all the bad things in life so that they can hear they truth from a reliable source not from some little kid on the play ground.

It is horrible what this world is coming to. I guess I am just an innocent in this day and age. I am a goody two shoes. I just want this world to be the best that it can be, but I have to deal with the way that it is just like everyone else.

[Tsemara]

To be perfectly honest, I am very disappointed in the censorship of the things children watch, read, do, and play nowadays. I was one of the sheltered children brought up in an environment that didn’t allow many things. (I’m 24 now.) I was the uncool munchkin who liked to run around and play superheroes, while the boys played their sports, gameboys and nifty things like that. The girls talked about fashion, boyfriends and shopping. If I wanted something, I had to earn the money for it and buy it myself. If ever swore, I had my mouth washed out with soap. (Needless to say, I don’t swear very much now. It still makes my mouth taste funny.) I didn’t watch very many things because I was told I was too young for it. And I’m glad that’s the way it was. Call me old fashioned, but I’d like to see more parents raising their child that way.

Now, with Chu’s case, there was very little choice in the matter. The world isn’t perfect, and some children need to grow up faster than others. Chu managed to learn from early experiences, and came out better for it. (Kudos and fresh baked cookies for Chu!!) I have respect for those that can overcome these obstacles.

I find the problem (I have) is with the parents that DO have a choice. I’m seeing too many young children getting away with things that people more than twice their ages would not get away with, because their parents don’t care enough to raise them properly. I’ve seen too many children scream because their parents said they couldn’t have something. The parent eventually gives whatever it was to the child just to shut them up. I’ve had my arse grabbed in not so innocent ways because it was something they saw other people do. (I had half a mind to backhand said brats if it weren’t for the fact that too many people are sue-happy around here.) I especially have problems with parents/guardians/ what have you letting ten year olds (and younger) play games like Left 4 Dead, Halo, Counter Strike, Grand Theft Auto and other violent games like that just because that’s the cool thing to do.

I probably was shocked the most during Halloween a couple years ago. I was part of a maze, playing a generic murder victim. The person next to me was a goth victim. A little girl, no older than seven, walked up to the scareactor and proudly said, “I know how to cut myself too!” demonstrating how she cuts her arm. How can parents get away with letting their child learn stuff like that? (I also wondered why any parent in their right mind would bring a child to a maze that was rated R.)

I think I’m going to end my rant there for now. I think I’m beginning to get a bit miffed. I might write more later.

[BubbleTrouble]

Wow some of the things I have been reading here is shocking, I didn't realise it was that bad!

[Transcendence]

wow, Chu. I know that I too have a hard time trusting people. I am not sure why really. I havent really had the bad of a life. I mean my early life was hard, my parents divorced and all that and then my mom remarried a narcissistic man. Now dont get me wrong he never did anything to me personally, but he abused my mom in an emotional way and he cheated on her. He made her think she wasnt a good as him and he made her work to put him through his law school.

My childhood has caused me to distrust men as a result. I am so very causous of giving my heart out. I have a hard time saying I love you because I dont want to feel hurt if anything ever happens. I feel cheated from my childhood, but then again even if these sorts of things hadnt happened I still have have grown up fast because that is how my mother raised me.

I knew about sex and babies early in my life because my mom was going to school as a nurse and I got to look at all of her books and she explained them to me the best that she could. So lets just say that I knew the names of all the parts in a scientific way, but I was still very sheltered just the same. I was not allowed to swear or to date until I was older. No dating until at least highschool. I was not allowed to stay out late or do anything except homework and if I disobeyed my mother I would have been grounded and privileges would have been taken away.

Ok I am not going to lie, I didnt have a bad child hood, but I feel like some where in there I became the quiet, nervous, and shy person that I am. I was some how tainted by my experiences even the way my mother brought me up being so strict. It gets to be so bad that I feel like if I do not excel at everything it will be the end of the world because that is the way my mom raised me. If I did not do well oh man there would be hell to pay. But really there wont be. Everything will be ok. If I mess up at collge people are surprisingly nice and helpful. However I just cant help but feel horribly nervous of messing up because I was always in that state of mind when I was growing up. DONT MESS UP OR ELSE!

I always envied the parents that would reward thier kids for doing well in school. I always did well got straight A's and a few Bs, maybe 1 or 2 C's but still it wasnt enough. If it was an A- it should have been an A+. And so on and so forth. There was never any concentrating on the good. I think that if ...just maybe parents these days took a happy medium between my child hood and the way they raise kids today with no rules then maybe...just maybe kids can turn out right.

[Odd]

I don't believe in censorship, and I don't think desensitization is necessarily a bad thing. Now granted, I wouldn't send a child to watch a mindfuck gorefest like Saw or Chainsaw Massacre, but on the other hand I wouldn't mind letting them watch something with sex, swearing, violence, or all three, because you're going to be exposed to these things your whole life. Sheltering them is just going to make it that much more unpleasant when they *do* find out about them.

[Thoth Star]

YES I AGREE 100%! I think also giving kids emphetamines is just another way to desensitize the poor kids! They don't know what to think, they think adults CARE ABOUT THEM. hahaha. LIES! And all these movies like Saw are just desensitizing them MORE to think that its ok to LUV gore and LUV sex and LUV drugs!!! Whut kinda message is the media sending Our Generation? Nothin' good~

[other]

Do you feel the same way? more or less yes. a bit of arnie or sly isn't gonna do them any harm, but the serious horror, graphic violence and sex should definatly be kept from innocent eyes
How would you show your children some of the more frightening things in the world? in stages as they got older. i wouldn't lie about thigs to them but i'd do my best not to scare them either - but if there's something out there that's going to kill them they are going to know about it!
Do you think it's the medias responsibility to tone it down? pssh like the media accept responsibility for anything!
Do you feel there is more a problem with the public in general, not with the media. yes. parents just leave their kids infront of the tv and don't spend any time with them

[laniparis]

I think that this thread is proof of just how intelligent you are and how observant you are of the world around you...

Do you feel the same way?

Yes, I absolutely feel the same way... my nephew who is only 11 years old has a girlfriend, when I was 11 years old, I still thought that boys had cooties, lol... And, let's just say I became a "woman" (lol) the next year and still brought my baby born to school, with all of my friends doing the same... this was only in 2002, so the world seems to have changed really quickly, lol... Not to mention the fact that some kids don't even believe in Santa at the age of 5 years old or younger, although I stopped believing in Santa at like 7 years old I kind of played along till I was about 11 so I'd still get presents from Santa (I know, evil much, lol)


How would you show your children some of the more frightening things in the world?

Currently I don't have any children, lol... I'm 18 years old, so it's not like it's an age problem, I'm just not sure if I even want to have kids yet (I have a rare metabolic condition and wouldn't want them to inherit it from me) So, I can't really comment on this one, all I'd try to do is my best


Do you think it's the medias responsibility to tone it down?

To a great extent it probably is the medias fault, what with advertising and marketing bras for 8 year olds and everything but, I think it might also lie with the general public, with their rising expectations of kids to grow too soon


Do you feel there is more a problem with the public in general, not with the media.

Definitely, I mean, I think it's almost cruel to see kids mature before their time, but I've also noticed that they only really seem to be maturing on the surface... the younger children grow up, the more likely they are to stay living with their parents as adults when the full weight of the world crushes down onto their shoulders, they realise that money and working is hard, and some of them can't deal with the pressure of society...

I was extremely lucky to grow up with great parents who allowed me to grow up at my own pace

[Iregyura]

Do you feel the same way?
I think. I know too many people going like, "Oh, and my child was switching channels on the TV and then saw a rated R movie, and I wasn't there, so I think my child actually watched the whole movie." Seriously, They shouldn't do that, because some people's minds are spoiled and innocent, and they should keep it that way as long as possible. Plus, kids watching rated R stuff?! They're not supposed to do that at all! But then again, if they're parents are watching them 24/7 (to see what they're watching) it gets kind of annoying...
How would you show your children some of the more frightening things in the world?
I think I would tell them. Tell them about news and what is happening around the world, what actually happened, and what not to do. Pretty simple, and I hope it works...But LOL I don't have any kids, so this question is pretty much best left unanswered.
Do you think it's the medias responsibility to tone it down?
I think. At least they could have put all the inappropriate things on adult channels at 11 o'clock PM. I think if they did that and kids are still seeing them, then it's their fault for staying up so late and not going to bed.
Do you feel there is more a problem with the public in general, not with the media.
I'm not sure. The media also have to take some responsibility, but the public also shouldn't be asking for movies such as these or anything like that. Plus, if they wanted to watch rated R movies, can't they just go to a video store and rent it?!