Oh goodness! Teenage “love”

[Chu]

Well, as I’m sure most of you know, I’m sixteen. I have a boyfriend that plays Mido with me, Raz, and yes, I do believe I love him. We’ve known each other for about a year and a half, even though we technically met when we were kids.*

HOWEVER, I don’t have much faith in most teenagers** that think they’re “in love”. Now, I can very easily respect teenagers that have HEALTHY, and long relationships with their significant others, but this is the one thing that I just have to scoff and roll my eyes at:

So, a friend of mine met a guy two weeks ago. Well, of course she apparently really likes him. They begin dating each other; however, he’s the type of guy that likes a new girl every other week. It’s no big deal because I mean hey, she may be special. (I want to make it clear that I honestly have next to no confidence in her ability to choose men but I bite my tongue.) I don’t pay much attention but later I find out that she believes she LOVES him.

Okay… you’ve known each other for less than a month, and moreover, you’ve only been dating for… What’s this? A few days?

Get real.

So, what do you all think about teenage love? Do you believe in it? Scoff at it? Smile because it’s so cute and romantic? Am I a hypocrite for having such a cynical view on teenage love while I’m a teenager that believes she’s in love with someone? If you met your significant other as a teenager, or feel that you’re a teenager in love, share your story with us.

And I put this in the GC for a reason; I hate seeing love topics in the serious topics. XD

*Raz and I have an odd story that honestly, makes me believe we’re kind of destined to be. (Not meaning destined to be together forever and ever and ever, but destined to meet and share a relation at some point.) As a kid he lived up and Michigan and I’ve always lived in Kentucky. I have a grandmother that loves up in Indiana and it just so happens that he moved right there as a kid. Chance one to meet. Later, he moved here to Kentucky, and happened to be in the area that I’ve always lived in. Chance two. He then began visiting the doctor that he and I have had since childhood, and actually still go to. Chance three. Then, he began going to the same church as I did. Chance four. Later, his mom moved a few streets down from my dad. Chance five. At this point, he has his dad living near my mom and his mom living near my dad. Years later, in seventh grade, we actually noticed each other in a movie theatre when his friend (a childhood friend of mine) recognized me and called me over. Our first introduction. We didn’t go anywhere from there but two years later, I walk into my sixth period Social Studies class and see a scary and angry-looking redhead guy across the room. XD That’s Raz, and our friendship and later relationship evolved from there.

**Teenagers being seventeen and under, by the way.

[Hiroku]

I dont even know if I currently believe in the idea of true love. I don't think the human mind can fully grasp the meaning of it.

However people will say they are in love and some may never be able to bring themselves to say it or believe it.

Not in saying I dont believe in love you may think I am a very pessimistic person. . . that is in fact true. However sadly I am actually a rather romantic person and have thought I was in love. Maybe even too fast. No positively more then once fell into love too fast.

However I doubt that most people really are in love. However thats not always cause they are teenagers. . .

I must agree with chu that believing a teenager is actually in love is difficult. . . my main reason for believing this is because you are likely to go through far more changes in your teen years then you are when you are in your twenties and then in your thirties and so on.

So while i fully believe that a teenage couple may believe they are in love. . . and actually be in love. there is no saying that they will be the same person with the same wants in needs in a month, year or whatever.

So yeah. . . I lost my train of thought.

[Chu]

Hm, that's a really interesting take on it. While "love" is overly romanticized and thought of as eternal, that's not the case sometimes.

[Hiroku]

Well honestly one of the biggest things is its not a single definition word. There are many different levels and kinds of love.

[RavenCpu]

haha I remember people like that in high school I believe that teenagers "can" be in love, but it's rarer than adult love. Teenagers tend to let their emotions overrun their brains and "fall in love" with anyone who pays attention to them. From what I've read about you and Raz, I believe that you two are in love :-) But, sounds like your friend is a complete idiot when it comes to relationship. Its girls like that who end up pregnant before they graduate :-( After going through my high school years, I've developed the opinion that high schoolers shouldn't date. Most of them don't even know the reason for dating others. They just want to mess around and have fun It takes a certain level of maturity to effectively date.

I agree with Hiroku's last point. A person is almost never the same person when they're an adult as they are when they are teenagers. Lots of changes take place in the teen years *nod*

[Lilykin]

The word "love" gets thrown around a lot by teenagers.
"I love that movie!"
"I love that brand of clothing!"
"I love that guy/girl!"
Even I've let a few of those phrases slip without thinking. It's sadly overused and it loses it's meaning.

As for highschool romance? There lots of reasons teenagers date but it's rarely for love.
Top reasons teens date:
Peer Pressure - the cool thing to do.
Lust - All those raging hormones
Fulfilment/ Need to feel wanted or acknowledge - This is a kind of love, but it's more of a love of the ideam then love of a person.
Wanting to try new things - finding out what type of person you like.

Now, the first time I dated was at 16. He was a buddy and there was mutual attraction there so we decided to give it a try. It was a whole year before I told him I loved him. It took him a month after that to say it back. We dated until the summer after we graduated (last year) and in that time period we only broke up once until out final parting ways. I can honestly still say I loved him. Maybe not a forever life mate kinda love, but it was diffinently love and while the relationship lasted it was returned.

So, sure. There is a chance that your buddy is in love and not just really infatuated. It's needle in a haystack chance but it could happen.
But I'm more of a believer that love needs to grow over time. Which a good number of teens can't seem to grasp the concept of. Especially as the world becomes more revolved instant gratification.

Also, Chu. You're not allowed to be that young. You make me feel old. TT_TT

[Ah-Dee]

Hrmmm ... Yeah, people tend to be very crazy when it's about love.
The idea of love blinds everyone.

I do not really know if I even believe in love.
Just chemical reactions in our bodies ?

[Lunar]

Well in my first proper serious relationship whom I broke up and went back out with about 3 times over three or so highschool years I thought I was in love it didnt happen quickly but I felt I was..

Only .. I just broke up with my current boyfriend of four months who on our first night together, after we'd met, told me he was falling for me. (Im seventeen going eighteen end of may) He left me, but Im the one enforcing us to stay apart.. He loves me he reckons to the point it physically hurts and he was far too serious. I'd been single for a year and a half.. you know I just wanted to have a good time with but he had all these family problems, he wasnt good with his money at all and I just... didnt love him.
It hurt like hell last night and there are still little moments when I think "Crap.. I'm never going to be held by him again"
But all we've been doing is arguing recently, he wouldn't let me breathe without knowing where I was.. Its for the best but.. it hurts. :/

[Hiroku]

Lunar: that is a good example of how things can change. I mean you may not even be able to notice them. . . But people do at times grow apart as they grow. its sad but true. And love or not if you care about someone and miss them its gonna hurt. Honestly he could love you. However with him being the one that wants to ( sounds like ) keep getting back together with you and then ends it again it sounds more like he doesnt know waht he wants.

Ah-Dee: I dont think it really blinds people. . . I just dont think most people have a grasp of what it is. I mean one person can throw it around like crazy while another one could be very serious about how they use the word. Its an emotion that could mean a number of things depending on the person. So. . . yeah. Just cause one person feels they love another doesnt mean the other person who "loves" them back means it in the same way.

Lily: Love is thrown around a lot because people are very emotional creatures and commonly teenage people are very impulsive. So they use words that are very strong in nature without considering it. Love, Hate, Need, Forever, promise, Never, Always. How often do you actually think about these words before using them? Personally I dislike promising things to people cause often a promise cant be kept cause its hard to know what the future holds.

Raven: all love is different. If it be between adults of teens or whatever. I mean there is the love between family and then love between friends and between lovers. Not to mention each one of those can have numerous levels of inflections.

[Lunar]

No I think he left me because I didnt love him and that hurt him because he condemned me for it :/ And also because he felt he was keeping me from my soulmate :/ All I wanted was fun and a laugh.. a partner to snuggle with but after the first week it got way too serious..

[Hiroku]

well honestly Lunar. . . I think the is something wrong when he is that clingy. I mean. You can not force someone to love you and its not your fault that you didnt feel the same way. Loving someone isnt as easy as flipping a light switch.

It may suck and it may hurt but its better then lying to him or to yourself. Unfortunately you have to go through the goods and bads of relationships before you one day get lucky enough to find the right one.

[Lunar]

You know Hiro.. I think everything just became a lot easier. xD

He came home drunk and logged on just to tell me Im a c*** and he hopes I burn in hell.. sooo.. I think I may be over him.

I know it sounds shallow, like if I can get over him this quick then I obviously didnt care for him but actually its more like.. he just screwed up my good memory of him by leaving with a LARGE negative..
I blocked all contact of him except my phone.. if he proves to abuse that fact then I'll phone T-mobile and block his, his mums, his dads, his house number. Bastard has my old hello kitty phone and my DragonQuest game V-V

Oh well.. if need be I'll just sell Little Big Planet for DragonQuest again.. lolllll. <3

[Hiroku]

I think his acting like that is just further proof that he really didnt care about you. He is just a foolish immature child and you are far better off I would say.

[Lunar]

Lol well.. he's managed to change his tune at least five times.
He sent me an email apologising his ass off this morning because he was drunk and didnt know what he'd said so I enlightened him expecting him to be shocked at his own harshness and all he did was turn around and say "Oh.. well.. maybe I should learn to keep things in my head but yeah.. you seem to be the only person who doesnt see what they did as wrong.. for the whole of five (We were actually together four.. ¬_¬) months all you did was made me unhappy. (..Kay.. well thats not what he used to say. Lol.) This is silly to throw away a friendship over a few drunken words."

Addressing problem one: What exactly did I do that was wrong? Not love him? Not have things work out? He seems to think Im some malicious bitch that strung him along for kicks. :/ My mum doesnt think I did "wrong". Nor do you guys. Nor do most of Crysandria's user base. Nor do my friends. LOLL.

Addressing problem two: Funny how now he says all I did was make him unhappy when I said to him before the end "Im not right for you, I dont make you happy do I? I mean.. come on.." And he was adamant that I made him the happiest he'd ever been.. so.. BLAR AT THAT.

Addressing the final problem: What friendship? lol. I cant be friends with him. One- He made it quite clear he meant what he said when he was drunk (y) Two- They were extremely HARSH drunken words. Three- He'll always look for an opening to get into my love life again Four- Quite frankly I dont want to be friends with someone so fucking two faced. :/ Im the gemini and even MY personality isnt that split. :/


So.. I'm good
I just told him to leave me alone and to stop calling me because I wanted nothing else to do with him.

[Aaya-Tan]

Ugh, more topics about 'love'.

*Cracks knuckles*

I might as well go ahead and tell you guys about MY teenage love life. Let's see, late middle school grade seven, I met my first 'true love' Adam.

I had a crush on him for over a year, and freshman year he asked me out.

We dated for two more years after that, and I told him I loved him. He returned the sentiment by dropping to one knee and holding out a promise ring.

I said yes, of course, because I genuinely loved him, a lot, but before we could even think about anything further, his family yanked him away into another state.

We had a lot of fights after that. I realized that when he moved away, he started changing. He turned bitter, angry at everything, and started avoiding talking to me. He may have been cheating on me, or probably he was just mad at me for still being in my home town and not coming after him.

Just a note for guys, if you move away, it's not the girl's job to chase you across the fcking United States. Women, after courting, have to do EVERYTHING. From cooking, to cleaning, to raising the kids, to keeping a job. The least you can do is come and see them or move in with THEM.

*koff* anyway, I finally drove up to his house, and we were there, alone. I had spent well over 300$ to get over there and have a place to stay so I didn't have to stay at his house (his family was extremely against our engagment).

He went into his room after we had a mild tiff because he wouldn't tell me what was wrong.

Next thing I know, an hour passes, and I go to check on him. There's blood everywhere and a letter. I can't even remember what it said anymore, it was about five years ago.. I try not to remember it, honestly.

He had taken a screwdriver to his throat. Yes, a screwdriver.

Needless to say, there was no saving him. I left after calling the police. His family blamed me after reading the letter for taking their son away. I still have the ring, but I never wear it. I don't even look at it.

I can't find it anymore anyway thanks to moving back and forth. I think my cousin (from my great aunt) stole it and sold it.

And you know.. After five years, I'm not really upset about it. I can't hold onto his death, and I can't keep blaming myself.

IT didn't stop me from trying to get out into the world and try dating, I just kept attracting assholes, though. I got abusive (physically and emotionally), one guy even tried to rape me (took him out with steel toed boots and a box cutter), and then don't get me started on 'internet relationships'.

I don't know if that really expressed any views on love or anything, but, I still love him, even if he killed himself. I miss him. I miss the late night phonecalls where he would serenade me my favorite song.

I miss going out to the movies with our friends. We never had a 'date' date, nor had we ever kissed. It's not that we didn't want to, it's just that neither of us thought we were ready to become THAT intimate. Both of us believed in no premarital sex, and I'm still a strong believer in that.

You give yourself to someone, and they leave you.

That's my main reason. I don't want to give something that's all I have, all I can offer, to someone who I know won't be there when I wake up in the morning. Sexual repression or not, hormones shouldn't be what makes your biggest life decisions.

It only takes one time to get pregnant, and it only takes one mistake to ruin your life and the dreams you wanted that didn't involve a family just yet.