True Friends? or just another suck up...

[Funkystar13]

I just wanted to know your veiws on what a true friend is because recently ive decided to not talk to my 'best' friends because of them going off without me a lot, does this mean they are true friends and just a bit insensitive or do they really not care what i feel?

please discus:

~the meaning of true friendship x

[Chu]

Firstly, I'm sure someone would try to mention that this is a repeat topic, but the other one on friends is on "real life" friends; not "true" friends, even if it reaches the topic to some extent.


I've been hurt countless times by people in my life and I've gotten to the point where it no longer hurts me when someone betrays or abandons me; what hurts me is that fact that I've been betrayed/abandoned again. It sounds paradoxical but it really makes sense... What I care about isn't people themselves; there are plenty of people on this otherwise desolate planet, and any one of them could be kind. What I do care about however is the relationships that I build with them. I hadn't always been like this, and openly loved with all my heart, but how can someone still do that when it seems like all they've felt from people is pain? It seems like I'm an uncaring bitch but it's all to protect myself from being hurt again, because underneath this apathetic facade, is an extremely sensitive person, and with people being so heartless in this world, I simply wouldn't survive if I didn't feign my apathetic personality.

Actually, you've hit a nerve with me because very recently a couple of friends of mine hurt me in that familiar way. *BEGIN POINTLESS RANT* It's true, they were never TERRIBLY important to me. I could live without them, even if I wouldn't enjoy it as much, but I helped them through so much. Divorces, breakups, heartache, family problems, fighting between friends, all of that crappy teenage stuff. And for that, it seemed like they adored me. "You're amazing, Cara... I don't know what I'd do without you!... I'll always be there for you... Thank you so much for helping me... You're great." But as it turns out, I was nothing to those two unless there was something in it for them. Homework, logic, a shoulder to cry on, a free therapy session... But, anytime I needed something... "Well, Sam really hurt me the other day." "Oh, Robin hurt me too! I was so depressed and..." It was never about me; just them. Whenever the three of us were together, it always consisted of the two of them joking around unless something was wrong with one of them. One sat outside with her boyfriend at lunch, the other talking to her own friends as I sat on the edge of the group, alone. Neither talked to me in school unless they needed help with something. I was okay with that too, because that's all I've ever been and ever will be: A life support to hang on to.

It only started hurting when I began making real friends; ones that listened and helped and understood without making it seem like my problems meant nothing. And of all things, the two completely ignored me because of that, on the bus, in class, everything. More than usual. And they made it obvious, too. I didn't care that it was THEM that were leaving me, but the fact that I had been abandoned... again... hurt me a lot. I broke down in the middle of the hallway and began crying, and the new friends, along with a few other people that I didn't even know well, had to comfort me. *END POINTLESS RANT*

What I'm getting at is this: No one can always be a good friend. One minute, you're laughing and having fun, and the next you're sobbing in someone's arms that you don't even know. It hurts. It hurts a lot, but that's just how people are. My advice won't be the best because I'm scarred from a lot of instances other than the above from friends and family alike, but try not getting too attached to people. When your instinct tells you not to trust them, don't. But when it does, do. I've found that my friends over the internet are truer to me than those in real life. Possibly because it's the internet, and anyone can pretend to be whatever they want. So even if it's fake, the comfort that I receive always helps.

Sorry for the long post. ._. The freshest wounds hurt the most. *didn't mean to rhyme*

[Maeve]

Wow, Chu can make really long post lol ^^

I don't think a friendship can be "true", as I don't really consider it possible to be "false". I think there's different level of friendship, from people you know from school/work and that are nice with you to really long time friends that are like family. I don't know if your friends are insensitive or something, but the best way to solve that out is probably to talk with them and tell them what you feel when they act like that. I mean, sometimes people are not insensitive, they just forget to think about some things ^^ But that can be hard to do, especially if you don't want to talk with them anymore... Just do what you feel like doing. Maybe you only needed those people around you for some time, and now you need to find other people that will share your views on what friends are.

I've been hurt a lot in the past, especially by really dear friends... Kind of long to explain, but my friendship with my best friend, along with most of my other friends at the time, suddenly exploded. Since then, I've made some friends, but they were never really close. It's not completely conscious though, I guess I just fear being hurt again. I mean, I like those new friends and will do almost anything to help them and everything, but if I have to leave them tomorrow for some reason, it wouldn't hurt (too much). I haven't seen some of them for years (lost them when I went to college), and I think about some of them sometimes and either e-mail them or something, but it's not a problem if I can't do it. And if I need to talk or something, I know I can always find people online to help me...

[Funkystar13]

@chu, sorry if this is repeating the other thread, i realise they are both on a similar thing but i felt that this issue was slightly different as the main focus is being abandoned by people.

im sorry about your friends i feel like that sometimes with the whats in it for them thing but i found the friends that are supportive througfh this time are always trying to make me feel better rather than keeping the focus on themselves.

I think trust is a big thing in any friendship , before i get too close to people in future ill have to think more about if i trust them. the thing is one of my friends could never say a nasty thing now im not too sure, i guess like you guys have pointed out i wont get too close to anyone again because inside i just know they will let me down.


@maeve, if you thought chu's post was long mines even longer lol,
i think they maybe were just not realising what they were doing, but too me it feels like they dont even care, i havent really talked to them for over a week and i hardly see them around anymore, so the possibility of talking is slim, plus i dont think one of them wants to talk to me, she acts like she cant stand me when im around her. I found some of the people i thought more of as aquaintances than friends are more of friends than i thought. they are really heklping me get over what happened. they actually care.

I agree with the fact that if i had to move tomorrow i probably would hardly miss anyone here at all, my sister however is attached to her friends by the hip, i guess she's lucky. I think your both right, theres a few people i met online about a year ago and ive become really close with them, i think online friendships can last longer that irl ones its because you can get away from them for a bit if you need a break, irl friends see you everyday at school and sometimes i feel i just need to get away from everyone .

sorry for the long post and thankyou for taking the time to read it x

[Chu]

@Maeve: XD At least I got 100s from it, haha.

Hehe, a trait of mine is to be too stubborn to apologize for something that I don’t believe I’d done, so that leaves me little room to talk to them. Also, when someone blatantly ignores you it’s hard to talk to them. But I’m fine without the two of them because I was never terribly dependant on them in the first place. ^_^ I have trust issues and they seem to help me more than they hurt me.

Haha, I find it funny that people over the internet are easier to open up to than those in real life.


@Funkystar: I don’t think it is; no worries. ^_^

To me, friendships are practically just like romantic relationships. As a girlfriend, I’m caring, supportive, and committed, and the same proves through for me as a friend. Thus I expect people, friends or otherwise, to be the same way. Trust? Not so much, sadly. I still don’t fully trust my boyfriend of six and a half months, or any of my present or past friends, so why should I expect them to trust me?

Your situation is exactly like mine, in just about every aspect there is. It’s pretty odd.

[Funkystar13]

very strange. the only difference is im really dependant on my friends i have issues about being alone, like i wont go down town for dinner on my own because i get worried that ill get bulied or something

got like 100 silver for mine too ^^
i didnt realise you coiuld get loads per post, i thought it was like 30

i dont have a boyfriend but past experience taught me i can never trust them, i just hope all this gets over soon, im pretty stuborn too but weel see.

[Chu]

I'm not afraid of being alone in any sense but I have a complete subconscious fear of men, so whenever I'm near a group of men I get very submissive and become a walking target. I also have a nasty habit of walking toward anyone that calls me. ._.

XD Yeah, I love having the cap at 100s.

Mmm, I understand that. I trust Raz more than anyone, but it's still nowhere near complete trust. Luckily he understands that though so there aren't any hurt feelings over it.

[Twigg]

I can't say I know the meaning of true friendship, but I do know there are people that I can trust to stand by me for years to come. They don't currently live near me, unfortunately. I met them in the last state I lived in, then I moved, and so did they, so I never see them. Only ever through IM or text messaging. But they've always been there for me, and I know I can talk to them about anything.

Then there's my friends that I've known since 2nd grade. One in particular I was practically inseperable from up until I moved away in 5th grade. I was away for 4 years, then moved back. Everyone remembered me, so I immediately had friends coming into high school, but over time they had all made new friends with the students from other middle schools. It sucks that I missed out on going from child to teenager with them, but I guess I'll survive. Many of my old friends from elementary and the new friends I've made from high school seem to be fake, though. They'll ditch me, or when I'm talking, they'll either ignore me or give me weird looks. I'm not sure if it's because in general I don't talk that much, and they're suprised to hear it, or because I did something to offend them, but I don't know which.

At the moment I only have a few friends that I talk to on a daily basis that aren't total jerks to me. Most of my friends are girls, because I can't seem to talk to guys without getting shakey and nervous. Unless I'm already good friends with them. But I've noticed that I have issues being alone. I hate not having anyone to talk to. I would die if I didn't have a phone/computer/door to go outside. I need to talk to people, or I lose my mind.

Oh well. I'm sure it'll get better, it always does.

[Haley]

I don't think your friend doing things on their own makes them a bad friend, more as a human with normal space requirements ;]

A true friend is someone who cares and can talk to you, relate to you, and love you. This isn't romantic, so they don't... need to be connected to you at the hip, darling. My true friend, Jessica, she has a life of her own, but we hang out a lot, like on Halloween, at lunch, in classes, and other things. It's casual, not an engagement

[Funkystar13]

@haley i know but it wasa one time we were meant to be going for a walk, they askes me to come with them, not me following them everywhere thats what hacked me off so much, but on the bright side ive had a civil conversation with one of them today so at least things are looking up ^^

[Haley]

oh wellt hats good that you worked it out I would have been royaly P.O.'ed if it was a set plan, myself... Abandonment is a major no-no D:< With any type of friend.

[Funkystar13]

were gettimng there, i actually was a lab parrtner with one of them today, so i think well, be ok.

still to discuss
:
other peoples issues with friendships
abandonment

[Kushina]

I think that people who are true friends, they will not be an ass to their friends, that they are really loyal to them, that they do not do any thing to you, unless you deserve that thing. they will help you out with some thing and any thing that you need helping with, and that they will speak their mind, and they are not suck ups

[Funkystar13]

well thats good if its true becquse my friend jemma is totally like that, and she was a really good friend through all this. ^^

[Kushina]

that is good