Am I just overthinking things?

[Tsemara]

I don't generally do this. But I'm getting to the point where speaking to the people I'd usually address issues with are getting purturbed with my apparent lack of direction. And to an extent, I agree with their sentiments. But that's beside the point.

Anyhoo. The choir I used to be involved with are planning to go in a trip to Ireland. They'd go on tour, sing in a couple churches, go tavern hunting, and probably see some pretty kickass stuff. Now, because a majority of the people I'm living with are in this choir, and I used to be a member, I've been invited to go too. Truth be told, I really want to go. But on the other hand. I don't think it's a good idea. And I don't understand why my family is going to go either.

We've had money problems for as long as I can remember. It's an unfortunate side effect when one parent works as a teacher, and the other is retired from the entertainment industry. I don't think they mean to say certain things when I'm around, but they don't seem to know that I have better hearing they they assume I have. They complain about how a payment for a bill, or the mortgage, or some other thing can't go through because we don't have enough funds in the bank to make the payment. Dad gets angry because Mom will go and buy some non essential, but then go and somehow accidentally blow a chumk of money on items that are just as non essential as a new dress shirt for work.

This trip is going to cost approximately 4,000 US dollars per person. Theoretically, I'd be paying for myself. But the remaining cost for everyone else would be close to 12,000. One of my brother will be in the Navy at this time, so he's probably not going. However if my other two siblings were to come too, that would be another 8,000 added to the cost. 24,000 for one family to go on a trip. I think that's insane.

Now, as for me. I don't know if I should go. I have student loans, as well as other loans I should pay off. How is it right for me to blow that ammount of money on something as selfish as that when I could use that money to pay off at least one of my loans, and get a chunk of the other two taken care of?

Then there are other things stopping me. And It seems stupid to find a problem with them, but they're currently driving me up the wall. This is a church choir. And they're a fun group of people. I love to sing, and spend time with them. You'd think, no problem, right? Thing is, I'm an athiest. I fell away from the church late grade school, early high school, I don't remember exactly when. Organized religions gets on my nerves, and I want to have nothing to do with any of them. It was only a few months ago that I just stopped going to choir because I was no longer finding any enjoyment in just singing with a group of cool people. And my angry disposition was beginning to drag people down. So I left. And outside of not being able to sing, I've not regretted it.

Then, there's the fact that I'm currently broke, without a job, and reluctant to do much about it. I used up the last of my non existant savings to pay for a bill that doesn't ever look like it will be paid off. Damn interest. I didn't want to get a job because I'm the current animal sitter, for a dog that's too stupid to raise her own pups. I remember how exhausted I was with the last two litters we had. It effected my job performance and made me an extremely irritable person. Not something you want to have when you're working with people or children for that matter.

I don't want to disappoint people by saying I'm not going. But I don't like how I feel like I'm being pressured into coming. I've mentioned that I don't feel comfortable with going. But it seems that every time they bring it up, they're surprised with my hesitation to get excited about it. If I am to believe what I'm told, my disposition takes a nosedive. But how can I get excited about something I'm having mixed thoughts about?

I'm getting frustrated with myself, and starting to piss some people off. I've already said, 'to hell with my loans' once, and went to a(nother) vocational school. The result was getting further in debt with nothing to show for it. Do I say it again, and hope that I can pull myself out of the hole I've already dug myself into? Do I respectfully decline and continue to feel like I've disappointed averyone? Do I suck it in and say ... what?

[Camio]

My suggestion is don't go. Pay your loans off first, otherwise you'll be trying to pay off your debt even longer and it might get to a point where you'll only be able to afford the minimum payments. I've been in debt for ten years, and only now am I close to finally being debt free. it's best to do traveling when you aren't in debt because any debt you incur after being debt free will be easier to pay because it will be a much smaller amount.

[Maeve]

I'd say go with what you feel, although it might not be that useful if you have mixed feelings.

Ireland won't disappear soon (hopefully), so you'll still have plenty of time to visit it. Maybe now isn't just the right time for it. I kinda think that the various money/loan problems you talked about could have an effect on how enjoyable your trip is. I mean, if you are always thinking about not spending too much and all, you kinda spend less time just enjoying the trip. Just my opinion though.

As far as the other reasons go, I can't say much. Obviously, trips like that keep you in group with the same people all the time, so if something about them annoys you, well, it can be hell. However, it could also just be a really nice trip.

Disappointing people is hard, although I personally realized that the only people I was really disappointing when doing certain stuff was myself. Most of the people around me just want me to be happy, so even if they don't always agree with what I'm doing or would have preferred if I'd have done something else, they live with it and are happy if I find something good for myself. Doing things only to please others can get really tiring and annoying with time too.

Which brings us back to the "go with what you feel" thing I started with. That trip wouldn't probably be all good, but it wouldn't probably be all bad either, so it's up to you to choose what you think is the best.

[Martyr]

Simply put: Don't go.

Most of your post is negative and says that you're really hesitant; lack of money, no financial income, existing debts, previous disappointment with a similar trip, uncomfortable around the people (due to the religious aspect). Sorry I'm paraphrasing, but you're worries over money and how you're unsure if you'll enjoy yourself is more than enough for you to say no.

I know you don't want to disappoint anyone, but just tell them as it is; you've got enough issues to worry about and you'd rather pay off your existing debt before spending large amounts of money. Tell them you're sorry, but you just won't enjoy yourself and it would be better if you didn't go.

My advice probably is quite harsh, but I'm honest with people and would simply put my foot down and say no if I'm really unsure or didn't want to go. I can't offer you much help, but if I was in your position I'd say no and wouldn't feel bad about it as I know I did what I really wanted to.