Funerals, expectations?

[Jordyn]

Today, sadly, I had to go to my favorite grandfathers funeral. Though, technically, it wasn't a funeral. To know what I mean, you have to know a little more about him. He was a pioneer in the Wisconsin science education program and while working for the State Department of Public Instruction, he underwent several tasks, lead numerous groups and projects, and traveled around the state daily. Science was literally a vast majority of his life, and with his PhD's, yes D's, he definitely knew what he was doing. But with this, came a much more.. complex way of thinking. It was hard for him to form normal relationships, and until later in his life, he went through several wives. With his complex way of thinking, though, came a very different outlook on life. In his will, he donated his entire body to science and every other non-usable part he wished to be cremated and scattered over the ocean. Also in his will, he stated he did not want a funeral and instead wanted his loved ones to throw a martini party instead and share stories of their lives together.

Here is something he wrote to be shared at his party:
"The day will come when my body will lie upon a white sheet neatly tucked under four corners of a mattress located in a hospital busily occupied with the living and the dying. At a certain moment a doctor will determine that my brain has ceased to function and that, for all intents and purposes, my life has stopped.

When that happens, do not attempt to instill artificial life into my body by the use of a machine and don't call this my deathbed. Let it be called the Bed of Life and let my body be taken from it to help others lead fuller lives.

Give my sight to the man who has never seen a sunrise, a baby's face, or love in the eyes of a woman. Give my heart to a person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless days of pain. Give my blood to the teenager who was pulled from the wreckage of his car, so that he might live to see his grandchildren play. Give my kidneys to one who depends on a machine to exist. Take my bones, every muscle, every fiber and never in my body and find a way to make a crippled child walk.

Explore every corner of my brain. Take my cells, if necessary, and let them grow so that, someday, a speechless boy will shout at the crack of a bat and a deaf girl hear the sound of rain against her window.

Burn what is left of me and scatter the ashes to the winds to help the flowers grow.

If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weaknesses and all my prejudice against my fellow man.

If by chance, you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs you. If you do all I have asked, I will live forever."

With that, I'd like to discuss a few very serious topics with you:
-Do you feel funerals should be mandatory?
-What are your opinions on cremation?
-Donating your body to science, do you feel this is right?

Personally, to answer my own discussion topics, funerals, in my mind, are definitely not mandatory. I think if the deceased has come up with a more creative, personal way to send off into whatever comes next, by all means, they have every right to, in my opinion. Cremation just fits under that category; personally, I plan on getting cremated when I pass. But donating my body to science... I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with that, you know? That would take some serious thinking.

[mdom]

I am a fan of your grandfather now. I'll copy that letter and translate it to my own funeral, hehe!
I don't think funerals should be mandatory. Actually, I hate the sad situation of being in a place with lots of people crying next to a corpse. I had an aunt that passed away in a year and a year ago it was her mom/my grandmother. My family is kinda crazy, so we laughed and talked a lot during the ceremonies. Also the religious ceremony one week ago it was a big lunch japanese style, so I enjoyed. I personally don't see a point on having a place to put my dead body or my ashes. Once I'm dead, I'm dead. It doesn't matter if you pray to the dead boy or to a plushie, if you believe in souls(which I don't), they're going to be in heaven/hell, not in a cemetery.
I think donating your body to science is a very noble cause. It might seem weird to think about it now that we're alive, but it's the most useful thing we can do with our death.

[Chu]

Wow, it sounds like a very amazing man has been lost. His letter didn't make me feel the slightest bit of sadness. It was touching, in a way, but more than anything it made me think, and I feel like that was his purpose. I'm sorry for your loss, but I think that it's evident that something great will come out of it for someone.


Discussing the topic at hand... No, I don't think that funerals should be mandatory. In fact, that very question surprised me. Why would anyone think that way? Every person has the right to request what they please, and if a friend or family member disagrees so vehemently, then they probably shouldn't attend.

I'm neutral about cremation. Well, I'm neutral about the whole death thing in general, but I really don't care if someone wants to be cremated or not. Again, it's their choice. No one should try to change that.

I've never had anything against donating my body to science, and I've never been against being cremated. I'll probably do something similar to what your grandfather did, but I can promise that it won't be nearly as poetic as he put it. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I just don't want to make it sound like what I'd be doing is something great. By all means, it is, but I'd much rather people see it as a "normal" thing to do, rather than something that takes a lot of courage or thought. I'd like for all people to think similarly to how he thought.

[Nova]

I don't think funerals should be mandatory, but do think they are good for the people left behind, as it will help provide closure and help to say goodbye.
A teacher of mine who lost her mother some years ago, told me that planning the funeral helped her provide closure, as she felt she was getting to say goodbye at least on some of her own terms.
I agree that some funerals are very boring and sappy, but I also think it is good that there is a time (the funeral) where people get to be sad and cry together.

When I die, I want, like your grandfather, that every usable part of me is used. What happens to the rest of my body will be up to my family. My soul will have moved on, and my physical remains will be of little use to me.
By donating my organs and other things, I can save the lives of so many others. Which is important to me, because I don't want my body to be a waste when it can be used to do something that great for others, that would be selfish and un-necessary.

As for my funeral, I have a few criteria:
1. No talk of god. Nothing ruins a funeral more than having some old man read form a book no one in the audience believes in (my family is atheist through and through). I want whoever leads the ceremony to talk about the good things about me and what I have done, and to encourage people to allow themselves to feel the grief. I also don't want any boring "closer to thee, my lord" kind of choir-song. I want one of those gospel choirs with slightly overweight brown women who does not hold back on feelings when singing.
I might be white as snow, but I really dislike the way a lot of white people seem to hold back too much, as if they're scared to let themselves go.

I also wish, like your grandfather, that people have a social gathering with a positive mood, where they reminisce about their good times with me. If they choose to do so by talking about what I great person they thought I was, or by tellings jokes about me is up to them.

And last, but not least: If I leave any kids behind, the money they might inherit will be put into funds for educations for them or something like that. Possibly a "life your life"-account that will be unfrozen when they turn 20.
If I do not leave any children behind, I want the money to be split equally amongst my siblings and parents, possible go to any of my siblings children (if they ever have any)

[Radio]

That's very, very touching and your grandfather definitely was an amazing man. I hope you and your family are doing okay.

On the topic, I don't see anything wrong with cremation or donating your body. Especially if it's parts of your body that can help someone else live. It's that person's choice. I'm sure that at the very least I'd like to donate my organs.

Funerals shouldn't be mandatory, and..I don't think they are? But, they're there for the family and loved ones, and I do think they're important. Not that you have to have the body there, or an open casket, although it's been important to people in my family. My grandfather passed away recently, and although I do think about him everyday and do so with or without some kind of memorial or reminder, the funeral was still really important. It brought together everyone that's known him, and being in a room filled with people that are hurting the same way you're hurting just...helps. I cried with people and I laughed with people and I moved on just a little bit. I couldn't see taking that away from my family.

[Tsemara]

This is some pretty heavy stuff. I am sorry to hear that you lost your grandfather. I lost mine near the end of last year. He was a carpenter, and one of the most amazing people that I ever had the chance of getting to know. But that's another story. You have things to discuss.

Funerals, in my belief, are a tradition. They aren't mandatory. What does the corpse care? They're dead. However, it is their choice, while they still live, to decide what they want to do with their remains. Having a funeral or a service is more for the family members that still live. Sometimes it gives them some form of closure, or shows how much or how little a difference the deceased made in the lives of others.

Cremations, are just as much the decision of the departed, like any other way of dealing with the body. To be perfectly honest, I think they take up far too much time, energy, and money to be considered a good idea. I'm not saying that I'm against them, I just think they're a bit on the extravagant size of the specrtum.

Donating a body science is pretty cool, in my book. And if not to a science lab, then to a forensics lab. Using one's body to help another who has need of the organs is a noble cause. But sometimes giving a body to a lab that discovers the rate of decay in different scenarios, can help solve crimes and nifty things like that.

@Nova You sound like someone that would have appreciated a funeral like ceremony that one of my Jewish inlaws had. The entire service was a celebration of a life. Not a mourning of death. True there were a couple of sad people, but most of the people were there to swap stories about the man who passed away. There was no talk of a higher being. Nothing about heaven, hell or anything remotely of religeous meaning. Just celebrating a man, with a sense of humor, and a love for his family.

[Nova]

[TheMountainScene]

In terms of funerals and what's expected at them, I think that it is wholly up to the individual who well, died.
Some people want to be burned and shed back into the earth (My second grandfather, whose ashes were spread on Mt. Whitney, where he proposed to my grandmother)
Some people want to be buried and remembered and mourned (My first grandfather, who my great-grandmother used to visit at least once a month)
Some people have different opinions about how their lack of life can be used (My great-grandmother donated what good organs she had left and saved 4 lives with those donations)

As a midpoint to the major standings, I think that it's your choice to have happen what you want to happen.
I think that your grandfather sounds like he was a great person in life, and still "lived" up to that reputation in death. May God be with him. Everyone will look at death when it is upon them a little differently, I think, though.

[ecco]

Sounds like he had a very beautiful mind What a wonderful way of thinking.

I feel quite stunned by how loving that letter is, actually... I'm pretty much speechless.

[Skylark]

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your grandfather. He sounds like he was an incredible person.
As to what you wanted discussed;

I feel like funerals are optional but I feel like there should always be some chance for people to pay their respects and to celebrate the life of the person who has passed away.

I come from a rather Irish family, on both sides. Funerals are private, but the wakes I've been to in my lifetime have been much less stiff than the sort of somber happenings you see in movies. Drinking, food, good company, and stories abound about the person who passed. That's the way I'd want my funeral to be. (On a side note, my father shares this opinion and has insisted before that The Rolling Stones' song, You Can't Always Get What You Want, plays at some point during his funeral)

As for donating my body to science... Personally, I don't think I'd do it. I have a lot of respect for those who do, though. A lot can be gained by having the opprotunity to learn from a real person rather than animals that share similar attributes to us. When I do go, I want to be cremated.

[Sharij]

Wow you had a great grandfather!
Not only did he seem to be a brilliant mind, but also good with words.....


To your questions:

I dislike funerals. And I do mislike the thought of being put in a coffin and burried under the earth. Grave yards mean a waste of space in my opinion! I don't want a grave. Put me under earth, okay. If that's what you wish...
I don't really care what happens to my body when I have died. Only thing is, I don't want to support anything that I mislike.
So I don't want my organs to be given to anyone.
I don't want to be held alive with machines. I would want to die rather than breathing through pipes or else.
I don't want my body donated to science. Same reason, you know? We are detroying our habit through what we call "advance".
(I'd love to see mankind's end xD)
Ah, cremation, before I forget. Do whatever you want.
by the way, I'd love to be used as food for wild animals ^_-
I'd simply love it. I hate it that people don't want dead bodies to be eaten. I'd like to be eaten. Just to make it a little percentage likelier that someone does the same or at least thinks about it.