Rewarding Bad Behavior??

[KoyiTar]

I didn’t see a thread for this so I figured I would make one.

Seems like all I see now days are people rewarding bad behavior. This could be a parent to their child, teacher to student, manager to employee. But everywhere I go it seems those that follow the rules get overlooked while those that break rules get away with it.
Example 1: Child in Wal-mart kicking at his grandfather in a wheelchair and uncle with a prosthetic leg. He’s about 8 or 9 give or take, a few. The reason he is kicking in screaming is because they took a Thomas the train DVD away from him for acting like a peel. His mother after all that goes ahead and buys the child the DVD anyway.
Example 2: Student is cursing in class keeps doing it all the time even at the teacher. The teacher just smiles and laughs even though it’s offending other students.
Example 3: An employee who used to be a good worker gets promoted their work starts to fall behind. Instead of taking responsibility for their lack of work they blame another employee saying they are ruining work procedures. Instead of following up behind the employee that has had the slack in work they are let off the hook and praised for getting on to someone who shouldn’t have been gotten onto in the first place.


When did rewarding bad behavior become a normality? I remember if I ever threw fits and kicked at people I was taken out of the store and I did not get what I wanted. If I curse at someone of authority I usually get in trouble for it. Same with if I slack in my own work. I have never received praise for unacceptable behavior.

So the question is do you believe that the reward of bad behavior has become the norm? When do you believe it started happening and why?

[ecco]

me and chu were talking about things similar to this in the writing contest chat... XD

i think it has become normal, yes. or rather, behave badly, then behave well for all of 5 minutes and be rewarded because its unusual, whereas for someone to behave well as a norm, they are then overlooked. (i will say now i think my writing isnt making sense, i think my brains just imploded... sorry if im confusing hahaha)

take this for example. this girl i used to be friends with in school had a brother a few years younger. he was a total little shit. the kinda kid who thinks its ok to call girls sluts, yell at people in the street, misbehave in school if he even turned up... they had to get a POLICE OFFICER to have regular checks on him. oh, but whats this? if he is good for a week, he gets to go bowling with the copper!

Screw. That.

kids gonna be a little shit, he's gonna be grounded, he keeps running off? i'd lock the little b*tard in his bedroom til he stops kicking and screaming and learns some damn respect. i hated that kid. he's just grown into a bigger, stronger shit now. totally useless to society. frickin wonderful, lot of good that reward system did...

[Maeve]

I don't really know when it started or why, but I think it's partially due to the fact that most people choose the easiest way, or what give them instant satisfaction, instead of living through a few harder moments and getting better result in the end.

From what I know, people who reward their kids for bad behaviors often use "But I wanted them to stop!" as excuse. And it works! If a kid screams in a store to get something and you buy it, they usually calm down. Obviously though, they also learn that screaming and behaving badly gets them what they want, which in the long run makes no sense.

I was always one of those "lucky kids" in school, you know the ones that do nothing and get awesomely good grades? Although I got some rewards from my family for it (encouragements, small gifts, etc.), I was pretty much ignored at school, until maybe the last two years of high school.
On the other hands, I've seen plenty of troublemakers that were ALWAYS getting attention, and that also receive rewards for acting nicely for a few minutes. Sucks really. I understand that kids who cause problem need attention to correct those problems, but I don't think rewarding them for being clam for 5 minutes is useful. Far from that in fact. After all, those kids are not stupid (well, most of them). They see that the other don,t get attention when they are quiet all the time, so I suspect they choose, even if it's not consciously, to cause some chaos to annoy people, so that when they look nice and calm they get something.

So yeah, yay for discipline!
I know it can be hard at time, especially when you're in the middle of a store with your kid that starts to scream and won't stop and everybody around looks at you like you are the worst parent in the world, but it gives much better results in the end, for the good of everybody.

[KoyiTar]

Well i also think it comes from Parents not wanting people to call scan or whatever it is on them. Thing is I can tell what is abuse and what is not if you tell your kid to stop it or we are leaving that isn't abuse its discipline effective discipline. If you slap your kid across the mouth and say shut up or else your getting worse when we get home now that is abuse and I have witnessed that.

That's the kind of stuff I turn in. But there are people that turn in others for taking a toy out of a screaming child hand and saying straighten up now or we are leaving and your not getting anything. As if the parent isn't at some point going to come back and get the grocery's and let the kid starve. I don't know how many times my mom did that when I was being a peel in the store and trying to push buttons.

I think in all honesty that people stopped disciplining there children out of fear of being turned in for daring to discipline there child in public for being a little snot.

[Overlord Branny]

In the past, if a child misbehaved....they were dragged into a river and beaten to death and sent down.

Nuff said.

lmao I'm a horrible person..
I have a niece who's be spoiled her whole life...she's a perfect example of a brat. She cries...she gets what she wants..

Like this morning, I have a bag of small doughnuts in my bedroom I've been noming on for the past few days. She comes in and see's them and says "Mmm I love doughnuts..I love them" and well normally you would think "oh well, give her one I'm sure it won't hurt." but it would...she's not even 6 yet and weighs more then 100lbs, yeah she's a fatty. I told her no..you can't have those, they are mine and you just had cereal..no. So she looks at me...doesn't say anything, walks out of the room and goes to her mom and my dad...and starts screaming and crying like crazy claiming I won't give her a doughnut. She has it all planned out, she knows I won't stand for it but if she makes my parents or her mother feel bad and make me look like the bad guy then she'll get what she wants and of course she got the doughnut.

She'll be a dietetic before she's 7 but atleast she got that doughnut right, right?!

I wish I could just...beat her sometimes...she really needs it, but nooooo...aging liberal douchies say that's wrong...yeah...ya know..I remember people having alittle more discipline and control over their kids before the 60-70's started...yeah..

Oh well

[KoyiTar]

I was disciplined as a child and have turned out pretty ok I think. I didn't have a kid while in high school in fact I graduated with a pretty good GPA.

I am currently 25 with my first and currently only child being 16 months old I am in school and have a steady job with which I pay my bills. I am not stuck on any government plan of any sort like some of the people I went to high school with that never got disciplined once at all.

So it makes me wonder what is so wrong with teaching that there are consequences for doing the bad or wrong thing such as throwing a fit over something. You can't always give in to a child's demands. I know I don't with my son. If you do then you get rotten little kids that when they reach high school have either five kids or are some kind of drug addict.

[Chu]

I apologize in advance if my post seems a little awkward. I'm working with a bad headache here. ~_~

What I've found in most cases is that rewarding bad behavior is just easier than enforcing anything. These days, people don't want to put effort into raising their children or running a proper business, so they just do enough to get by - employees and employers, and parents and children alike. People don't care about quality lifestyles or products, but rather, something just "good enough" that may even be sub-par. Doing things properly just takes too much work.

Another issue I've found is that no one has any balls anymore. Everyone is worried about being politically correct and not offending the public. Well, guess what? The government isn't raising your children, and neither are the people. YOU are. If your kid is being a little jackass, then spank him. Simple as that. Now, if you have true morals - not defined by society or political correctness - that are against spanking, then do something else, but for heaven's sake, don't let your kid run around like the spawn of Satan just because you can't grow a pair long enough to even scold them.

It seems that I'm a rare find in society today. I'm brutally honest, and apparently that's a crime. People go around acting as if their peers are their final judgment; they follow those values more strictly than they follow their own religions. When will everyone finally come to realize that these people don't mean shit in the end? If someone beats their wife, they have to apologize to the public. If they spank their kids, they apologize to the public. If they do drugs, they apologize to the public. FUCK THE PUBLIC. Their scrutiny amounts to nothing. People are too afraid to take a little criticism, that's what it is.

[KoyiTar]

No problems here be as blunt and as brutally honest as you like. I agree entirely with your statements. I don't care what people think of me I just care what my kid thinks. If he thinks I am a bad mom for spanking him and showing him write from wrong so be it i guess I am the worst mom on the face of the planet.

I was raised that there is a right from wrong and if you do the wrong thing there are consequences. Not always a spanking but I got stuff taken away I couldn't go out with friends stuff like that. Now day's people let there kids do whatever and then want to blame television or video games for the way there kid is acting.

Did you bother to watch what your child is watching, or look at the age recommendation for the game you are buying probably not. So you only have yourself to blame for giving into your child's every whim. I hate it when parents don't want to take responsibility for not even raising there child. Oh he/she is like that because of whats on tv and in books, music and video games.

WATCH, READ, LISTEN, PAY ATTENTION to what your kids are doing instead of just going ok whatever and buying them the next gta that comes out and there 8 years old. WTF people own up to the fact that you are trying to use the tv as a babysitter and go out and spend some time in the park or even back yard with your kids.

Thats what I was to say to these people that bring up these lawsuits over well that video game shouldn't No no ah ah ah. There are restrictions and rules follow them know what the little letters a number thing on the back means and if it says it don't by it for you kid. It's as simple as that.

[Chu]

I couldn't agree more. Nothing is more pathetic than a parent, of all people, who can't live up to their own mistakes. Bah.


I have a feeling that you'll like the topic of teenage infantilization. ;D Be sure to check it out whenever I get around to posting it. (Hopefully this week.)

[KoyiTar]

Oh don't even get me started on that one. *starts going supper saian*

[Chu]

You can when I make the thread. XD

[KoyiTar]

I shall wait for it *Calms down a bit*

Seriously though, I still can't get parents that let there kids get away with everything then wonder why Jr. got someone pregnant or why they are drugs. Or reverse it why there daughter is selling her body to get crack and expecting a baby and other things.

I will admit I went through my rebel stage in High school. I wore all black with chains on my pants. I got into fights I had an active sex life. But I used protection and didn't get pregnant till I was way out of high school and had a job I was 24. Have I smoked? Yes cigarettes and weed do I now no I have grown out of it though I do smoke a cigarette on occasion to help with stress. Do I drink? Yeah but not like I did what I was younger now maybe a couple beers to takes the edge off a bad day and that's after my college studies are done and my kid is asleep whichever comes first.

My son is only 16 months old and he already understand what no means. He knows what uhoh is and opps. He knows if hes in trouble for something. He has started to go to the corner by himself if he gets a book and I catch him with it. I have spanked him but its more of a thwop on the diaper than anything that can hurt him and most of the time he laughs at the sound a wet diaper makes when spatted. I have spatted his little hand for grabbing things off shelves in stores.

I have taken the discipline now or brat latter approach to the raising of my son. His favorite movies through my fault of watching them while he was awake are Star Trek the new one and Tim Burtons version of Alice in Wonderland. None the less I watch these movies with him and not just sit him there in front of the tv like a lump of dough like some people. If he gets bored with watching he usually gets up and when he dose I get down in the floor and play with him. The movie is still on mind you but I play and interact with my kid. I know what he is doing most of the time.

I admit I don't always know sometimes I have to cook or clean or wash clothes something that pertains to cleaning the house. Stuff that has to be done to take care of him in more than just play time way's. And even if I didn't there's no way of knowing what they are doing all the time its near impossible without five nannies.

But discipline is a key element in being able to walk off and do my cleaning or cooking. Otherwise my house would be a tore up sty.

[ecco]

im still half-asleep so i havent read the entirity of you guys new posts, but heres something for thought:

i'm 19, and ive been seeing a counsellor lately, the third time ive had counselling in my life (the other times were when i was 10 and 17). It turns out part of the reason for my behaviors, ie the way i respond to certain situations, is due to the fact my parents gave me too much freedom. not necessarily that they let me get away with doing something wrong, but i had so much freedom that the lack of restriction as a child/young teen has actually done some damage. weird, huh? XD

[KoyiTar]

I have never heard of that before actually. I can believe it is posible though. I will say this I had freedom in highschool but I had learned by then that there are always consequences to my actions so I really didn't do anything to bad or that I would consider bad. Yes I had my moments but not as bad as some of the other kids I went to school with that didn't seem to understand that there were consequences.

YOur situation is weird though Ecco I have never heard of it quite that way before. *Hops away to do some reaserch*

[Athilea Majiri]

I think that it is parents who don't want to treat their children as they had been treated themselves. Others just don't want to deal with the harsher side of parenting, and have no idea how to say now to a screaming child.

I have a 17 month old. He gets upset if we say not to him. If he doesn't listen, or if he continues to pitch a fit we put him in his play pen, after making certain that there isn't a reason for his anger ((or banger as we call it. Baby anger.)) If he continues in his play pen and doesn't just play with the toys in there then he will be layed down. He knows what the words mean, he knows his name, and he knows come here. So he gets age appropriate punishments for not listening.

Now, a lot of people would think that is harsh. Putting a baby in a play pen might seem that way. He only gets put in it for about 10 minutes. Once he's calmed he can come back out and continue his frolicking.

As far a work, there is someone that sits in a cube across from me. He doesn't take nearly as many phone calls as anyone else, he is always printing things, and always bothering the trainers about issues that are clearly stated in our policy, or the updates that we receive on a daily basis. It annoys me because I work my but off taking 70 + phone calls in an 8 hour time frame.

I don't know about students. I haven't seen any student get rewarded for bad behavior.