Overlord Branny
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 Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2010 4:51 am
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| This is a chat I had with my friend tonight, it took place around 4am and ended around 6 am.
The topic was "Breaking Dawn" the forth(Can you believe that) book in the "Twilight" Series. This rant was fueled after viewing a review by my beloved web reviewer "Spooney" of "Half Moon" the third movie in the "Twilight" "Saga" because its clearly worthy of being a saga now.
Below is the chat between my long time friend Yolanda and myself over AIM.
The chat below will most likely offend any fan of this "series" as we both share a deep loathing for the written and theatrical media of this series. If we offend you, get over it, it's the internet.
Excuse the poor editing.
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Branny: Soon...Spooney says to Look up Breaking Dawn
Branny: the 4th Twilight book
Yolanda: ohgawd..
Branny: he says its not filmable
Branny: he said something about wolf rape, and that thing the baby is born in...the P thing..
Yolanda: whut...
Branny: yeah I'm gonna look at the plot
Branny: Oh geez..
Yolanda: How much fail?
Branny: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breaking_Dawn
Bran: quicker for you to read it
Bran: its just..
Bran: idk how they're gonna film this
Yolanda: xDD
Yolanda: I WANT THIS BEBBEH THOUGH IT IS ABNORMAL AND SHOULD BE KILLED?!
Bran: lmao
Bran: or the fact tha wolfboy is the soulmate of the baby
Bran: creepy..
Bran: Oh look...Bella becomes a vampire...now they'll have no plot
Yolanda: into her heart =|
Bran: since that's the only thing she and edward talked about
Bran: soo..yeah
Bran: this is gonna suck
Bran: I hope its graphic
Yolanda: GIVING BIRTH AND BREAKING LOTSA BONES AND MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF BLOOD LOSS
Bran: Spooney recommended the dude that made Scanners...that movie is about peoples heads exploding very graphically
Bran: Awww who's momma's lil girll...usually mothers just get stretch marks from their childbirth but not you lil girl...Nooo mommies rib cage was broken and lost buckets of blood...yes she did yes she did
Bran: "In regard to Renesmee's unique name, Meyer wrote that she "couldn't call her Jennifer or Ashley. What do you name the most unique baby in the world?"
Bran: oh geez..
Bran: "Breaking Dawn was the recipient of a British Book Award for "Children's Book of the Year",
Bran: way to go england
Yolanda: ...laaaaaaawl
Branny: The Washington Post also responded with a negative review, making comments such as, "Meyer has put a stake through the heart of her own beloved creation," and "Breaking Dawn has a childbirth sequence that may promote lifelong abstinence in sensitive types."
Bran: lol
Yolanda: ....lawl
Bran: You mean, all the young readers of this series?
Bran: OMG!
Bran: YES
Bran: that means they won't breed YOLANDA!
Bran: THEY WON'T BREED!
Yolanda: YESSSS
Yolanda: RELEASE THE BOOK
Yolanda: GRAPHIC
Yolanda: VERY SEXUAL RAPE EXPLODING BLOODY GRAPHIC SCENES
Bran: course most of the male readers are gay and the females are vampire lovers with no social life, so I think the book/movie just helps.
Bran: well its been out for awhile..lol
Bran: BUT THE MOVIE
Bran: the movie needs to have lots of gore
Yolanda: LOTS
Bran: just incase they couldn't visualize it through reading
Yolanda: If I am not having seizures because of blood just from the commercials then it has failed.
Bran: we need to see her stomach exploding with the rig cage spliting open and a vampire bat baby crawling out screaming from her mothers ruptured body
Yolanda: YES
Bran: I'M NOT SICK, THE WRITER IS
Yolanda: I want to see the freakin scars from that mahn
Yolanda: If she comes out and doesnt have stitches
Bran: I'm simply bringing her books to life
Yolanda: Ima put fail..on the theater screen
Bran: Oh get this...he turns her into a vampire
Bran: so she's fine
Bran: yea
Yolanda: I want vampires in my hospitals, they're better than any medical science has to offer
Bran: Awww your mom died of cancer...well you SHOULD HAVE TURNED HER INTO A VAMPIRE BITCH
Branny: xD
Branny: I'm just gonna go ahead and copy this convo
Yolanda: yessss |
We were both highly amused by our "witty" and "insightful" input on what could only be refereed to as garbage. A lust driven series of books about a selfish, manipulating whore that enjoyed toying with the hearts of two men, who were of course, more then willing to be manipulated by this one emotionless being, who's sole purpose of conception, was so women(and possibly men..?) could insert themselves into the role of this bitch.
If you don't like my opinion then you can happily click out of this thread and make your own.
Just know that I don't hate the reader, just the books they read.
(And yes, this is what I was doing instead of working on my view review and sleeping, I'm awesome.)
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ecco
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Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2010 7:02 am
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| NOOO CHILDRENS BOOK OF THE YEAR
WHAT WHAT WHAT
WHAT HAS ENGLAND DONE
CHILDREN SHOULDNT BE ALLOWED TO SO MUCH AS TOUCH THE COVER OF THIS SHIT.
i would love to get a copy of this book and stuff it up meyer's ass so she has to crap all over her own abismal creation. -_____-
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Overlord Branny
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Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2010 7:15 am
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| I've scanned over a few chapters of the forth book, not having read the other books, but I'm sure my knowledge from the movies is more then enough to fill in the blanks..
I just don't know how they're gonna make this movie and try to pass it off as a flick for kids. Its going from the romances of high schooler (I guess...) and into like marriage and sex (Which has always been a underline theme in the movie/books to me) and graphic childbirth and just eh...
Atleast we know Edward isn't gay now...I guess.
I mean, the one thing I don't like about this series is that Bella and Edward have NOTHING IN COMMON. Bella is a blank slate of a character, she has barely any background interests from her childhood, except maybe ballad. She has no interests in movies, music or anything of the sort. She reads books, but they usually had something to do with school. She never talks to Edward about anything but being a vampire and how fucked up and self centered her dreams are (Oh no I'm gonna be old one day noooes). That's about it...i could write myself into her part better then Meyers. Edward is just as dull, though has alittle more clarity on his past, though nothing involving his interests. I guess vampires just sit around drinking blood (Deer blood mmm) and playing baseball during thunderstorms?
Jacob isn't too bad but I never really did any history on him, he kinda comes off as a super rapist in the new movie.. "YOU WILL LOVE ME" "I WOULD RATHER YOU BE DEAD THEN BE ONE OF THEM" RAPIST!!
I hate this dry hole of a series.
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ecco
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Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2010 7:19 am
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| i gotta be honest, i miss the days when the only irritating thing the teenies were into was HSM. it probably even has a better plot. (tho i dont really remember, the only time i watched it was when i woke up hungover in front of a tv and my friend put it on and refused to change the channel... i was hanging too much to crawl away from it... XD)
i bet you could re-write all 4 books into one normal sized novel as well, with the ammount of "plot" the "saga" apparently consists of.
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Overlord Branny
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Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2010 7:28 am
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| You're such a drunk, my love. lol <3
What is..HSM...I'm slow and unhip..
Oh yes, maybe I should do that..
Book 1, chapter 1
I had always been a dull girl, my mother often told me so after I ignored her every time she spoke to me as I stared off into my abysmal thoughts about life...and stuff. She grew tired of me though and married a man, whom I don't really know and his name only seems to be a faint memory in the back of my mind...I can't recall. I moved to live with my dad, he liked the hills so he lived in a small mountain town full of the nicest people you could ever imagined, but they don't understand. They didn't understand my torn soul...my troubled past and my aching desires to be a slave to a man. They wouldn't understand...they just wouldn't.
My dad is boring, he doesn't understand. He tries to talk with me, try to understand but he doesn't. He even got me a trunk, it runs and has good mileage, but he doesn't understand.
I went to school...people befriended me but I didn't understand why, so they clearly don't understand either. I saw a guy, he was beautiful and pale. He hangs out with only his other pale adopted siblings. I think he could understand me, because he was hot...and dangerous looking.
I could go on...you have no idea...this is amusing me.
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KoyiTar
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Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2010 7:41 am
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| Omg Branny I think I love you I'm crying cause I am laughing so hard. I was in a bad mood till I read all this Lmao thank you for makeing my day
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Overlord Branny
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Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2010 7:49 am
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| Well I'm happy my sleep deprived hatred for these movies and novels cheered you up, its what I'm here for. Hatred and witty comedy. *Jazz hands*
I was actually typing out more to my take on the twilight series...
The Abridged Twilight series, yes.
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ecco
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Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2010 7:56 am
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| lmao branny if you re-wrote all of it like that, i would read it XD
and im not a drunk, we brits just love to party! ;D
oh and HSM = Highschool Musical
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Overlord Branny
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Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2010 7:59 am
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| *Shudders at that last part* Uuuggh..
Even hung over and possibly booty raped, I could still muster the strength to carry myself away from the tv screen.
I am considering it, everyone else makes fun of tv shows and movies, WHY NOT TWILIGHT..
OH EDWARD, YOU'RE SO MEDIOCRE, KISS ME!
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KoyiTar
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Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2010 8:18 am
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|  keep it up this is great stuff lol
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_________________
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ecco
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Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2010 8:23 am
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| XD.... i really ought to actually read this damn series so i can say im entirely justified in my judgement hahaha.
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KoyiTar
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Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2010 8:29 am
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| I probably should do the same echo I just can't bring myself to even want to touch the book for fear of going stupid lol
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ecco
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Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2010 8:54 am
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| ahaha i have the same worries. well, actually it mainly worries me that i'll become super aggressive from reading it due to the fact its encouraging girls to fall for guys who are fuckin weirdo stalkers and such... not coooool.
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KoyiTar
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Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2010 9:02 am
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| Well thats basically what I mean by go stupid. I would go into rage mode and not be able to stop.
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ecco
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Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2010 9:52 am
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| hehe yes its that or be brainwashed into liking it! o.o eek!
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