Fallen Dreams (A WIP)

[greysnicket]

"So...What do we do now?"
"I guess just sit here and wait."
"But he's taking forever!" the boy speaking stood, and started pacing. "I just get so antsy..."
"Get over it." The other boy just gave him a cold stare. "He'll be here when he can, Talen."
"Well, tell him to get here faster, Azrael." Talen stopped pacing abruptly.
"What?"
"Well...Let's start training now. There's nothing wrong with getting a little practice in before he gets here." Talen drew a sword. "C'mon."

Azrael sighed. "I should have figured it would have gotten to this. Alright, bring it. But could you at least use your shinai? It's too dangerous for real weapons."
Talen grinned. "Fine, have it your way." He pulled out two shinai, or wooden practice swords. "Bring it, munchkin."

Azrael started to draw his sword, and Talen had already lunged forward. Azrael sidestepped, then hit Talen with his sword at the end of him drawing it. Talen rubbed his head, barely dodging the next two blows aimed for his head.

"Could you maybe watch-" Talen started, as one of the blows connected. He spun around, swinging both swords at Azrael. He dodged them both, then connected again. "You're just too slow...This is too pitiful."

Talen grinned, swinging at Azrael again, this time connecting with his sword. "Gotcha," he shouted, "Blaze be my reckoning...Torch this pitiful soul! Aerial Divebomb!" Talen disappeared.

"Wha..?" Azrael looked around, then looked up. He saw what appeared to be a meteor rushing toward him. "Barrier!" he shouted, as Talen crashed into the shield, destroying it with the sheer force of his attack. As he hit the ground, Azrael fell down, exhausted. Talen, grinning the whole time, walked over to Azrael.

"You okay?" he asked, offering his hand his slightly injured brother. Taking the hand, Azrael said, "Very impressive. I'm glad you didn't connect with that." Talen chuckled.

"I told you, You've got a lot to learn, little bro."


So...What do you think? I'm planning on updating the story a chapter at a time. This is just an epilogue of sorts, and I would like some feedback.

Oh, and I just wrote all of this in one go, so if there are any mistakes or strange jumps (As in, I wasn't as clear as I thought I was) please tell me.


Thanks ^_^

[Maeve]

Pretty interesting start. And I would definitely like to see where you will take this.

Only thing I would change is place this:

[greysnicket]

Nah, I'm planning on having a TOC or something. I like to know how to fix it.

Anywho, then I actually need to specify more. In that part, Azrael is talking, and Talen grins when he is through talking.

EDIT: Okaie, I fixed it. It should make more sense now. ^^ Thanks

ANOTHER EDIT: I've moved the actual story to a blog, to keep it in a place where I can post it in order. (Plus it seems awesome to do it this way.) So I wanna keep this thread open to discuss the story (Things you want to see, critisims, etc.)

The link is: http://n4z03n1gm4.wordpress.com/

So...Check it out! ^_^

[Iregyura]

Good job I've never been that good before...Or maybe it's because I'm me. That's the only explanation I can come up with, haha.

[Bliss]

I must say that I love your names

Especially Azrael~. Kudos!

[greysnicket]

I suppose I have to keep going now that people are actually reading it ^_^

I'll have a new chapter up by tomorrow.

EDIT: New chapter is up