nocturnalxpulse
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 Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 11:33 am
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| My friend told me to look up '92 things I hate about Twilight' as she and I are not exactly Twilight fans. I found them and thought they were funny. So here they are!
I don't own any of these images or text. If you don't like the topic, too bad. I warned you...
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| 1. Being clumsy is not a flaw if Edward always catches her. 2. She can't do anything without Edward. 3. And when he leaves she attempts to commit suicide. 4. Meyer is living out her own fantasies by writing about Bella, who is clearly herself. 5. The books aren't well written, just because every other word is a fancy adjective doesn't make it good writing. 6. All the rules Meyer sets for being a vampire are broken by the end of the series. 7. Not only that, she breaks rules set by more esteemed authors. 8. The world population will come to an end because all girls who read this book will think they are Bella and will wait for their Edward to come until they are old. And he'll never come. 9. Bella almost dies fifty thousand times, but Edward always saves her. This is boring. 10. Edward is too perfect and has no flaws either. Even vampires should have flaws besides wanting to suck human blood because it's natural to them. 11. The reason the books became so popular is because Bella has no personality and any loser can put themselves in her shoes. 12. If Bella is so 'plain', why do so many guys fall for her within the first two chapters? 13. Bella teaches women to let the man handle everything, which pretty much is a huge step backward for women everywhere, who have fought for equality. 14. Isn't it convenient that her father always leaves her alone and doesn't question her? Real parents aren't that way. 15. Lack of character development. 16. Bella is a useless, whining, doll that suddenly has become the idol for girls everywhere. 17. People say that Twilight is better than Harry Potter. Guess what? WRONG. 18. Edward is extremely possessive, border-line abusive, and boring as anything. 19. It's too cliche. 20. This book contains no real sex, so it's not really a vampire novel. 21. Read Anne Rice - those are vampires, not the girly men that Meyer has created. 22. You don't have to describe the character every two pages, we know all about Edward's 'perfectly toned chest' the fourth time she mentions it. 23. Bella reflects upon herself through the entire novel to tell important plot developments. Hey Meyer, ever heard of ''Show, don't tell" '' 24. She never uses the word fangs in the entire book series, and it's supposedly about vampire. 25. Her vampires sparkle. Enough said. 26. Supposedly Meyer never uses the word 'said' in the entire first book, instead using breath. 27. There is too much face touching. 28. It's predictable, and childish. 29. We read the entire series just to laugh at the stupidity of it. 30. Meyer can't think of original names. The only original name she used was Rennesme, which is combination of two names and doesn't count. 31. Vampires can't get people pregnant. SPOILER! 32. Vampire baseball was just a disgrace. 33. People think Meyer is the best writer ever. 34. The plot drags on forever, when it really could have been completed in two books. 35. Wow, yet another 'original' plot of forbidden love. 36. Why is it called the Twilight Series if only one book is titled Twilight? 37. It's too easy to mock. Go on Youtube, how many mocks on Twilight do you see? 38. They use a drug reference in a book written for ten-year-olds. 39. Stephanie Meyer creates some interesting characters ie: Jasper and Alice. She then ignores them, and gives them no development. 40. Every Other Facebook bumper sticker is about Twilight/Edward. EVERY OTHER ONE. 41. Fangirls are so blinded by their love for Edward that they don't realize the book is terrible. 42. Stephen King agrees that Stephanie Meyer can't write 'worth a darn'. 43. It's stupid. 44. Bella. 45. Bella is Edward's beard. 46. Meyer wrote four books about nothing, really. 47. Straight men sparkle? 48. It's teeming with grammatical errors. 49. Bella Swan means beautiful swan, which is horribly cheesy. 50. Edward Cullen is sparkly; crows like sparkly things. 51. Do any guys actually like Twilight? 52. If the first 200 pages of your book rely on the mystery of a character's identity, don't slap ''First, Edward was a vampire'' on the back cover. 53. There's far too little actual conflict in the story. But this probably stems from having a flawless main character. 54. They fall in love way too quickly and it seems fake because no one falls in love instantly, especially teenagers. 55. They only love each other because she smells good and he's hot. There's no other given reason why. 56. It's just not healthy to teach young girls that True Love involves the guy watching you while you sleep. 57. Edward is HOT. We get it. 58. She had only been in Forks for a month when Edward had been watching her sleep for two months. 59. There's something disturbing about Carlisle turning only teenagers into vampires. 60. All Twilight fans are insane, proved by several responses to criticism such as... ''What is your name, address and phone number, just so that i can track you down ank kill You with my super awesom vampire powers THAT I AQUIRED FROM READING THE SERIES!!!!!!!!!! '' 61. And this... ''do you WANT a cult of angry twilight luvers like mysef at your doorstep at night trying to behead you????? you shouldnt voice an absurd oppinion like this on the internet.'' 62. And this... ''you must have not read much good litterature in youre life, because if you cannot appreciate the quality of this art.....YOU ARE MENTALLY UNSOUND!!!!!!!'' 63. Isn't funny how Twilight fans can't spell and use proper capitalization? By the way, 60, 61, and 62 are real quotes. 64. The reason Edward can't read Bella's mind is because she doesn't have one. 65. T. Pain would totally win Bella's heart and beat up Edward because he's on a boat. 66. Edward hits on the school faculty to get out of classes. 67. We applaud Stephanie Meyer, as she's got to be a rich woman by now, having found her forte in the insane cult of teenage girls who go rabid over her writings. 68. Vampires vs. werewolves (isn't that a Facebook application and such a original idea?) 69. This book was not worth the paper on which it was printed. 70. Bella has no goals and no future, her life revolves around Edward. 71. WWJTFD: What Would a Judgmental Twilight Fan Do? Answer: attempt to attack with the 'cool vampire powers' they gained from reading the series. Awesome! 72. Even if you like the book, it doesn't live up to its hype. 73. Edward is a good VILF, that's it. 74. ''And I cried numerous times upon realising there would never be an Edward in this world.'' - quoted from Almuvira Anona on Yahoo Answers. 75. A hundred years difference = pedophile. 76. It's a co-dependent relationship stripped down to the bare essentials. Girl: ''I can't live without you. I want to change myself to be with you.'' Boy: ''If you leave me, I will kill myself.'' 77. Stephanie Meyer must really be into pedophilia: first Edward and Bella, now Jacob and Renesseme? SPOILER. 78. New hot couple name for Bella and Edward = Bedward 79. You may think Edward Cullen is smart and fast, but Chuck Norris could take him. 80. Bella's only deep thoughts are, 'Edward is so perfect. I love him.' 81. The only reason I kept reading was to see if Bella could redeem herself by getting over him. 82. Jacob, who didn't abuse Bella and was nice to her, was dumped and she chose Edward. Hmm, masochistic much? 83. Ms. Meyer writes the way I did when I was twelve years old, doodling in my journal. 84. ''It would have been much better if Jacob and Edward discovered they were gay: no sequels, no whiny Bella. Amen to that.'' 85. Many people have enjoyed the making of this, many have helped with it too...in other words lots of people hate Twilight. 86. You are allowed to have your own opinion, just like we are allowed to have ours. Get over it. Twilight fans don't seem to understand that though and attack at the mention of flaw in the book. 87. Light Yagami doesn't approve of Twilight so neither should you. 88. ''Cause it's dumb.'' - Random Person on the Street 89. ''It's annoying as hell.'' - Random Person on the Street #2 90. Martin Luther would not have not have approved if the book was written during his lifetime. 91. Harry Potter could beat Edward any day with his magic powers. 92. It's offensive to the entire human race, both male and female. |
92 things I hate about Twilight...
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Chu
Assistant Admin
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Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 12:06 pm
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| Moved to The Arts and edited to suit the rules. ^^ Please put all content not written by yourself in quotes.
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_________________
Add me on Skype! I'm ewitsChu. Even if we've never talked, just tell me your username in the friend request and I'll accept.
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Chu
Assistant Admin
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Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 12:11 pm
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| No problem. xP
I read through the list though and it's funny. I have to agree with it.
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_________________
Add me on Skype! I'm ewitsChu. Even if we've never talked, just tell me your username in the friend request and I'll accept.
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DrunkenShark
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Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 4:33 pm
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| I loved it  Writers of the world should unit and hate Twilight!
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nocturnalxpulse
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Posted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 1:55 pm
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| XD stephen king quoted stephene meyer was the worst author
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laniparis
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Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 11:48 pm
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| Edward has many flaws, I read the book and thought why would anyone want to end up with someone evil like him, lol...
He pushes Bella around, if she doesn't do what he wants he makes it impossible for her to do what she wants, car minus engine parts anyone...??? lol
Girls who read twilight should be standing up and looking for better than Edward, not waiting around for someone who's going to harass them.
I read Twilight and thought that it was "okay" but personally I'll take Stephen King, Dean Koontz or J.K. Rowling books any day... does that make me biased...??? Probably lol
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nocturnalxpulse
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Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 12:08 am
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| WEll they arre more well known than stephene so no not bias
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nocturnalxpulse
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Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 1:06 am
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| OK HERE IS THE THING... EDWARD SHOULD STICK TO HARRY POTTER AND STAY DEAD! THE END! <--ADD TO LIST LOL #93 xd kRISTEN STEWART SUCKED SUCKED IN THE MESSANGERS AND rp SUCKED IN hp LOL ITS ALL A CYCLE <__ sorry omg caps was on
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pyrakitt
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Posted: Sat Nov 28, 2009 9:27 pm
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| Heh, this was amusing though I would try to edit the quote block so it's not a block of text. It's a little hard to read. My favorite is where Meyer breaks all the rules she sets out for her universe by the end of the first book.
Anyone who wants a good laugh about Twilight and to hang out with like minds should search Bing or Google for Twilightsucks.com. They have one thread that's a breakdown of why the books make no logical sense.
There may be redeeming qualities in these books. But I find the recycled plotline (see any other vampire romance), the poorly thought out science (Nessie anyone?), and general lack of personality with some of the characters to be a turn off.
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Leander
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Posted: Thu Dec 10, 2009 7:08 pm
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| Hahaha, that's great. I hate Twilight quite a bit myself, and love reading bashings of it. XD
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killerkitty
Moderator
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Posted: Fri Dec 11, 2009 4:17 pm
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| lol, I TOTALLY agree with everything. I mean, wtf? Sparkly vampires? Bella is hollow. And Edward is stares at her at night,
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They/Them
O shucks what's up buddy |
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Tsemara
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Posted: Fri Dec 11, 2009 4:25 pm
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| This totally made my day!
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_________________
 Wolf at heart.
| Malverne wrote: |
| Hang on...you went to attack a coyote...with a KATANA?! Dude, that's so badass. |
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Julia
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Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2009 5:52 am
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| Funny^^ I watched Twilight not very long ago and neither liked nor disliked it. I didn't find anything so special in it that makes people go mad with excitement. I've seen lots of films better than Twilight and there are also ones which are worse than it. Are Edward and Jacob the only guys in the world?? It often seems so after talking with Twilight fans. I honestly don't care about this film and books much. But your92 things are funny:)
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Kattie
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Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2009 12:15 pm
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| David Bowie is the only man that's allowed to sparkle! He makes the sparkles look manly and bada**, dammit! X3
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