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Post new topic   Reply to topic ...Moonlight...
Roseknight13



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 PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 5:59 pm Reply with quote        
The light of the moon shines from her eyes, as another tear slowly tumbles down her cheek. She is a fair girl, beautiful brown hair, falling over her shoulders, green eyes that sparkle as if they were miniature stars, and lips that were soft as rose petals. You may wonder, and even question who this beautiful girl is. But that is not a question that will be answered. This girl... she weeps for those who have never felt love. She weeps for those who have felt love, but are walking with broken hearts. This girl... She sits there on the balcony of her tower, watching us. Hoping for us to fall in love. She's sitting there anxiously, watching us, hoping for us to find one another. When we do find eachother, she hopes that we will fall in love, not too fast, but not too slow. The day that I find you, The day you find me, she will be there. She will be watching. The day we fall in love, she will be overjoyed. The day I tell you that you are my forever moonlight, tears will stream down her face, not because of sorrow, but because of joy. She will come upon us as we embrace, and embrace us. We may not notice that embrace, but she feels the emotional bliss in our hearts.
She is waiting, So am I... My beautiful Moonlight...

~Zeke Rose~

Steal this and I will murder you in a dangerously deadly fashion Wink
Criticism allowed Smile
poetsespresso



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 PostPosted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 2:47 pm Reply with quote        
It's not bad, it has an interesting twist to things, though a bit cliche in other ways. Overall it needs to be fleshed out into a story or a longer poem, and make the description of features less "list"-like.

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