Respect: Earned or a Given?

[Chu]

I was strolling about another website when I ran across a user talking about how new members shouldn’t be given respect unless they earn it. Well, how does this happen? Do they have to suck up to older users? Do they have to be polite? How is it that these users are supposed to earn respect when they’ve only first joined the site?

But this discussion goes beyond new users and how people should treat them. This is about you. Do you expect to be given respect? Exactly who in the world do you show this respect to, and how do you show it?

Personally I give anyone that I come across respect when I first meet them. For me, everyone starts out at say 100% respect, and what they do or say can lower or raise that. I’m the type of person that, even if a first impression is displeasing, will find something in a person to admire or respect. “Oh, so this person is rude; but look, they are also extremely artistic.” Things that lower your “respect percentage” could be anything ranging from being rude to someone to being thoughtless, but things that raise it could be the complete opposite.

I suppose I show respect in my formality, but that’s not to say that if I act like an idiot around you, I don’t respect you. I’ll usually be helpful to people in order to show respect, and try to make them happy in some way.

Despite this though, I certainly do not expect to be given respect. I suppose it’s because of my home life, but I have a rather low view of myself so when I’m treated with respect usually I don’t really feel like I deserve it unless the person is younger than I am. That’s not to say that I’m of higher caliber than someone younger than myself; I just strongly believe in the term “Respect your elders.”

But to me, there is a big difference in being respectful and being polite. Politeness… is like being submissive. A polite person to me really wouldn’t stand up for themselves often, while a respectful person could be polite but stand their ground at the same time.

So, discuss anything within the term respect. Yes, I just ranted. -_- Sorry.

[Funkystar13]

I agree with you there. i think that when a person joins a site they should always be treated with respect.

Even if say the person is well known on site A as rude etc and nobody has respect for them there when the join site B they should start up with, to use your phrasing 100% respect again.

I dont expect to be treated with respect but when i come onto a new site i find it very off putting to be treat as a "noob" who has no idea about the site. Everyone starts out that way so older members should respect this. I guess just growing up in a family where respect and morals were always there i dont really think about people giving you respect, its just there.

But on the whole i found people on this site are very respectful of each other, i think its older sites where people forget that the whole point of sites like this is to meet friends not just get rich.

[Raz]

Actually, I find this site as Extremely strange due to that factor.
I'm usually not given "respect" on many sites including the ones which i am an extremely seasoned user.

Even on those i'm called a "Noob" but i love it!
I've joined so many sites i've discovered that the younger and less intellectual users are the ones causing the offenses. I find it fun out-smarting them. turning their words against them. and Obliterating their reputation for all too see. D:<

But i like it here. I have to think more about what I say. Its good practice :3

[MaxR]

I feel you give POLITENESS but not respect

you don't be a jerk to new users, but don't get to close. Some new members are just trolls.

But through posting and getting to know them can they truely give respect and help for the members, and become buddies

I say respect is earned, not given. You give it and it may be abused...

Plus, I know I have a brother who does the "I'm not giving you respect until you give it to me" arguement...with our MOM of all people

So I say, don't be presumptuous(spelling?), and just deal with it, you want respect, you earn it.

Also, as for thoughtless, I don't count that toward and "respect percentage". I myself don't take things to heart too much, so something stupid said about or to me won't tick me off. I say a lot of stupid things when I'm in a hyper mood, but I don't mean disrespect...

So I count purposeful mean-ness to lowering respect. That and CONSTANT thoughlessness which shows that the person is ignoring you and being disrepectful...

But thoughtlessness in general isn't too bad in my book. As for earning. Being courteous, helping others, and being sincere whether its a stupid question or no is a good way to gain respect in my book

[Chu]

@Funkystar: I agree with the point about carrying arguments to different sites. It just shows... immaturity.

I'm not off-put if called a noob, nor a newbie. I don't really like those phrases but I don't feel that they lessen the respect I'm given. However, you can just tell when someone is using the term in a degrading way, and that will get me mad. Usually in THOSE situations though, I'll just ignore the user.

Respect really isn't given to me in this house, but I'm always expected to respect my elders. I have no problem with that though, because I'm an immature, under-developed teenager to them, and they're adults. Even if I do make better decisions than them sometimes, I'm still not superior to them by any means.


@Raz: Well, you mainly join MMORPG sites and people aren't always the nicest there. I mean - what's your other forum-based site? Gaia? Hehe, you won't get much respect there.

I agree with you there but that's not because they're not intellectual; they're just immature.

Then post here more often, damn you. D:<


@Max: Yes, I agree that I'm more polite than I am respectful. I can BE assertive but generally (online mainly) I'm submissive and won't retort much. As I side note I really don't know what to say to new users. XD If they just say that they're new then I just post and go about my business but normally I look for something to relate to with them.

Eh, I don't know if you can tell, but I don't mind being "abused" per say, so much. ^^;; I'm like a dog; I'll be good to you, you'll be bad to me, but I'll continue being the good little puppy I am. So, abusing my respect? A few times, I don't mind, but if it becomes a consistency then I do.

I try to put as much thought into my posts as possible, and expect users to do the same with me. However, if I'm someone's friend and they say something thoughtless to me while we're joking around, generally, I won't mind. Respect is an odd and twisted thing with those I care about, but with others, not so much.

[MaxR]

you think in your posts? XD you should try being thoughtless for a sec, its fun 8D

as for respect, I think abusing it would be wrong, I wouldn't do that..

[Chu]

Haha, yes. A lot of the time I'll read something, leave, think about my response while reading something else, leave that and go back, and type the response while I'm thinking about how I'm going to respond to the second thing. XD

But when I'm just chatting I hardly ever do that.

I try not to abuse the respect I'm given, and most of the time I don't.

[Twinklestar]

I am the same as you.
I start by giving people a lot of respect.
Depending upon their actions , depends on how it goes with getting respect from me.
I don't really expect to be given respect. Although i do wish to be.

About the Newbie thing, they should be given at least a little respect.
If they aren't respected in the beginning, how do you expect them to continue to be on the site. they will think that people are rude and stop going. Now we don't want that right.

[MaxR]

Question before I continue


is there a different between politeness and respect?

[Chu]

I suppose I do wish to be given respect but I could never expect people to do that. Not in this age anyway...

You have a point there.

[Twinklestar]

Now a days, people are very rude.
It drives me nuts lol

[Chu]

Oh I know. :/

You don't know how many times I've gone to the condiment table at lunch, turned around and was pushed by someone trying to get their way through, resulting in me dropping my tray.

Or whenever I'm walking anywhere and someone pushes me out of their way and says something like "Damn, rude ass skinny white girl."

>.>; It really pisses me off but I can't do anything about it.

People just don't even take others into consideration anymore. :/

[MaxR]

oooh, I hate that! 'Specially this retard who jumps in the front of the line and when I don't move, he's looking at me expecting me to scoot back

then he proceeds on turning on his ipod and grinding against me >>

no offense to any real gay person here, but that was one creepy fag

he then blames ME for pressing against him, when I was just staying in place

All I'm glad is that it creeped him out, AND I got to make him look gay in front of the surrounding crowd. Which was an unexpected revenge >D

[Hayune]

I feel repsect should be earned.
But everyone deserves when they first join, to be treated politely. If they don't return the favor then I feel less respected so I don't think they have earned mine.
But if they do, then I will continue to respect the person until they tell me otherwise.

[MaxR]

well i dunno, I treat respect and politeness as two different things

I'll be polite at first, but not respect them until they return my politeness in kind