Chu
Assistant Admin
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Posted: Thu May 16, 2013 8:44 pm
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| If anyone is dealing with depression, you know that certain aspects of it come and go in stages. Self harm or thoughts of suicide, near lifelessness, endless boredom, whatever they are.
Well, I hit a major depressive state recently. I wanted to hurt myself for the first time in... I'm not sure. A pretty long time. I wanted to kill myself. Before I fell to the lowest point I managed to email a counselor at my university and set up an appointment. By the time I saw him, I was feeling a little better. Still off, but at least not wanting to kill myself. I attribute that to a discussion that I had with someone that helped me gain some perspective on the situation.
Anyway, I feel myself slipping back down. I knew it would come, and I'm relieved that I have another appointment on Tuesday. However, before I left, he asked me a question that I couldn't find an answer to: how will you deal with this if it happens again?
I told him that I used to walk, exercise, and go on bike rides. None of that has really been possible with the bad weather. (There's no room in my house to exercise.) On top of that, I don't really have the energy to get out of bed. He mentioned medication, and I guess I'm just prideful. I don't want to take it because I want to take care of myself - I don't want a pill to do it for me. Of course, a major contributor to my depression (at least this time around) is realizing that I can't take care of myself, so it's a nasty little cycle...
Anyway, how do you fight off depressive states? If you deal with depression, of course.
EDIT: Important note: right now, I'm in that phase of boredom, so playing games or watching things hasn't been very satisfying. I may just suck it up and go on a run tomorrow... Possibly call the doctor for an appointment. They yelled at me for not taking medication last time, heh.
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| _________________ Add me on Skype! I'm ewitsChu. Even if we've never talked, just tell me your username in the friend request and I'll accept.
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Sly
Coordinator
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Posted: Thu May 16, 2013 11:16 pm
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| Well Chu, this is interesting to me because I've dealt with recurring depression for a very long time; of course, I'm bipolar, so my experiences are likely slightly different than yours, but still I can sympathize.
Usually for me, when I'm depressed, I either feel really irritable or just completely empty and of course, there's always boredom, but I'm usually bored no matter what I do. xD; Sometimes, I've wanted to hurt myself though, and sometimes I have. I've also contemplated killing myself, but I'm thankful to say, not often.
As for dealing with depression, there are destructive ways to do so as with using drugs or alcohol, hurting yourself, or over-indulging in things you find "fun" trying to make yourself feel a little better. I've done all of that, and most of it isn't worth it. I've also worked out and gone walking, partaken in art and writing and things of that nature. These healthy ways of coping are far more rewarding, in my experience, than anything self-destructive. Although sometimes, the self-destructive ways still seem like they'd be easier to do...but life is worth the extra effort to be healthy and well, and that includes dealing with depression.
As for taking medication, there was a time in my life when I was also too full of pride to even consider it. However, after speaking with my current pdoc and coming up with an active treatment plan, I realized that taking a pill doesn't always have to be a crutch or an imagined solution. Medication can just be a step you take to help yourself get better, along with positive lifestyle choices. In my case, medication has been a tool in helping me to see things clearly enough to work on improving my life. Of course, this is just my personal experience, and everyone and their conditions are different. Also worth noting, is some anti-depressants as prescribed for "just" depression are meant to be a temporary aide and a person doesn't even have to take them that long-term.
Anyway, that's just my take on the whole thing....
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Chu
Assistant Admin
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Posted: Sat May 18, 2013 3:17 pm
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| Sorry for not replying right away, Sly... I felt myself going into that really isolated state so I threw a post out there before withdrawing into my own head, haha.
Right... I'm pretty good about not choosing destructive coping mechanisms, for the most part. You could call video games destructive or constructive, really, but I look at it like this: when I lose myself in games, even if it means ignoring or repressing my feelings, I don't think about hurting or killing myself. It's not good, but it's not bad either. Right now, video games hold me over until the next appointment. But alcohol, drugs, smoking, whatever. Never touched any of that. I'm afraid to, honestly, after seeing what it did to the rest of my family.
It's like I rationally know what you're saying about medication, but there's still this mental barrier in my head saying, "No, that is bad." I can't get past it. And I keep getting so close to picking up the phone and scheduling an appointment to at least talk about it with a doctor... But something is stopping me. I think I'll just have to take the plunge, hate myself for it, then resign myself to the fact that I can't do this alone.
Anyway, I want to apologize again. I decided to get stuck in a bunch of self-pity right after reaching out and talking about this with someone. That wasn't fair.
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| _________________ Add me on Skype! I'm ewitsChu. Even if we've never talked, just tell me your username in the friend request and I'll accept.
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Sly
Coordinator
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Posted: Sun May 19, 2013 5:10 pm
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| It's okay, Chu...I, in turn, took forever to respond to your response. I guess I'm a pretty shitty friend.... Sorry.
I don't often choose destructive coping mechanisms either; I just have sometimes in the past. I know a lot of people in my family, and personal life who have really screwed things up for themselves and their families with drugs and alcohol and the like, and I never want to be like any of them...not in that way. I find video games, and anything along that same line, as a form of escape more than something "destructive," honestly. I mean, sure, you can't always run away in order to solve your problems, but being able to escape into something else sometimes can give a person a level of clarity and comfort that they might not be able to find anywhere else. Of course, at some point, you've got to be ready and willing to get back to the real world and face up to your issues. That's just my personal take; I'm an escapist in a lot of ways....
Well, I do see what you're saying about not wanting to admit that you can't do this on your own...there are still times when I don't want to either. But, honestly, whether through medication or talking with people, or whatever I don't think anyone ever truly deals with things completely on their own. Weirdly, I think it would be easier if sometimes I could deal with things completely on my own...but human beings just aren't designed to do that, I don't think.
No need for apologies here; at least you did reach out. I, myself, have trouble doing that, and still sometimes I expect others to just notice that's there's something I want to talk about without my having to let them know. That's unfair. Also, I'm a master at wallowing in self-pity, although I honestly try not to, so don't worry about that. xD; Whatever you choose to do, and whatever happens, I wish you all the luck in the world. If you ever feel like you want someone to talk to again, or even just think it, I'm always here.
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Chu
Assistant Admin
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Posted: Sun May 19, 2013 5:27 pm
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| Hush. Don't say you're a bad friend. :P I don't let people talk about my friends that way.
I can be an escapist too, haha. I think I've gotten too good at repressing things. I'll go on and act completely normal but in the back of my mind I'm just screaming. Sometimes I even convince myself that there's nothing wrong... And sometimes I convince myself that I'm a manipulative liar that makes things up for attention... Don't ask me how I tell myself that, I don't know. Sometimes it's hard to believe these things myself. I guess it's a twisted form of denial.
You're right. Humans are social. We're meant to support each other. That's how we got where we are today. I need to remember that.
I'm here for you too. It doesn't matter if it comes out of nowhere, and you'd never bother me. I want to be here for you too. ^^
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| _________________ Add me on Skype! I'm ewitsChu. Even if we've never talked, just tell me your username in the friend request and I'll accept.
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Kail_Thander
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Posted: Sun May 19, 2013 5:38 pm
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| Whenever I'm depressed I force myself to pick an activity or hang out with friends. I try to pick something new that I've never done before to experience something different. A couple of weeks ago I was feeling rather down and I called my friends and all of them were either busy with school or work. I then decided to go down to the shelter and volunteer.
I find that if you pick an activity it will help take your mind off of whatever is troubling you.
It was really hard for me at first. I hated going outside and doing anything by myself. I would sleep or mope around the house when I got depressed. Sometimes I still do but it is much less now.
Maybe this could help you as well? Or you could always try to get into a new hobby.
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Chu
Assistant Admin
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Posted: Sun May 19, 2013 5:45 pm
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| Possibly. It seems like you have a really strong will.
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| _________________ Add me on Skype! I'm ewitsChu. Even if we've never talked, just tell me your username in the friend request and I'll accept.
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Kail_Thander
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Posted: Sun May 19, 2013 6:34 pm
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| Oh. Um.. Thank you. I think we all do in certain situations. You could also try focusing on school too. I find that to be the hardest to do but, it does give the most fruitful outcome.
I think the most important thing to do though is to just talk about it. I think its always better to know you aren't alone in certain situations.
As for pills I hate them as well but, the could be an important tool to utilize. If you try them and hate them I'm sure there are other options you can explore as well.
I hope I helped you a little bit. My brain is pretty much mush right now since I'm at work. ![Duh](images/smiles/duh.gif)
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zenphor667x
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Posted: Wed May 22, 2013 12:43 am
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| It depends on what you're depressed about, or what's making you depressed in order to figure out how to deal with it.
Being prideful about medication isn't a bad thing, I was like that for a very long period of my life but I understand why others take it, or need to take it. But if you think you're able to cope without, then go without. A lot of doctors prescribe things that can actually do more harm than good.
Hobbies help for depression and all, but after a while you get stuck in a loop, depending on what it is. Small changes help get out of depression. Whether it's a change in attitude, routine, or doing something extra to better yourself. Motivate yourself to be a better you, and have supportive positive people around you also. You don't need anyone bringing you down.
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Juneberry
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Posted: Fri Jul 19, 2013 9:13 pm
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| For me, it really depends on the severity of the depression, the 'symptoms' of the depressive state (as most doctors would call it), and...well, just the depression itself. It's hard to really say what works and doesn't work, because something that works for one moment won't work the next, you know? But...I know many things I've tried that at least work sometimes. But, my states are a bit random in a way...Because my depression is very dramatic in it's changes from one moment to the next. Maybe it's my BPD?
But anyway...If I'm just feeling really upset and having a lot of crying fits from the depression, I tend to turn to my father for a lot of hugs. I get really clingy when I cry- and a lot of headache medicine is necessary too. Other things that sometimes help (since, I'll admit, I HATE crying in front of anyone. Or in general but...Meh)... Are journal-like activities and writing poetry.
If I start feeling suicidal type of depression, I call hotlines, sometimes I need some specialized medication if I start getting overly anxious from it, but otherwise...I mostly use hotlines, and once I get most of the awkward energy out, I play violent video games. Putting my character in danger is safer than me, and quasi-healthier. Though this actually works better for anger and me...
And then, if I'm feeling isolating...To be honest, I don't fight that much. I sorta just hide in a ball and mope for a while and cry on my own. Or I try the journal stuff again- if I have the energy. And with lack of momentum, I just sleep it off. Sometimes a long time.
Oh, and I have to pay more attention to my eating when I feel depressed, because one day of depression I'll eat ten times my body weight in sweet stuff, and the next day I'll starve myself because I'm just too uninterested in life to care about food and my body. So keeping my eating regular and proper is a big necessity. This should be noted for others too: BE CAREFUL OF YOUR EATING. You'll feel worse afterwards if this happens to you too often. Trust me. Sometimes, my habits that come from my depression really perpetuate it, and it's hard to stop them...So it takes a lot of work (that i don't want to put in x-x).
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Nab Cachet
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Posted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 5:59 pm
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| I'll share a journal entry i wrote a while ago with you:
I have come to realise the intricate relationship between the recurring depressive mental states and the kundalini rising, after all the reason I chose to work at it in the first place was to relieve a lifetime of complex grief, anxiety and depression with will and no institutional medication after I had been shown the power of neuroplasticity/metaprogramming and horrified by the general apathy of UK healthcare practitioners I have encountered.
Thus I have persevered. It is a long, hard, and dark tunnel working through the troughs. Sometimes hours, even minutes can seem like lifetimes. At times the emotional pain resulting from the chemical imbalances in my brain and glands is so intense, frightening suicidal impulses have begun to develop. I find myself humbled by the intensity of my own will to nothingness, the way it locks down escape routes in my thinking during a crisis, the waves of emotion making rational thought impossible. The constant, pervading sense of utter meaninglessness and disconnection almost too much to bear. I am constantly amazed how much these squelching little sacks of biological matter, squirting their juices and electrical charges, affect the profoundest depths of the experience of existence.
A guiding light during these times is to try to keep this in such a perspective. When my emotions turn sour I realise their effect on my thoughts, and during these times I attempt to quiet my mind and think no words or get caught up in a thought train. Sure, it doesn't eliminate the physical discomfort but it absolutely prevents me making the situation worse by grinding myself down even further with self-critical and inwardly-directed hatespeech.
I suppose it doesn't sound like I've made very much progress, and maybe you wouldn't be far off the mark. In some ways the troughs are worse than ever. But this used to be pretty much a constant thing about 3 years ago, and recently relapses are becoming much less frequent and have many more mental escape hatches towards wanting to recover as long as I don't get caught in a severe attack. During peaks I am entirely free of emotional turmoil and anxiety altogether! Evidently I'm doing something right.
We take up practices because we convinced they are the way to freedom. I write, I draw, I meditate, use vama marga and raise the snakes daily. My husband has been extremely supportive also during these times. Without him I don't think I would have come back from the void that we stare into when we consider taking our own lives. Something though will whisper to you, against the maddening impulse. That reason that you are given for coming back every time - ****ing cling onto it.
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neomattlac
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Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2014 4:36 pm
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| Yeah, I understand all of these. The hobbies, the aversion to medicine, the acceptance of medication and help, meditation, exercise, distractions, etc.
For me, though, it was a little different. I have always been a very harsh recluse, and found online communities, particularly avatar sites, to be a great way to escape ever since 6th grade. When I hit high school, I went through a phase where I had to teach myself to be social, but I was also getting depressed at the time as well. The fact that I had to work at something that others (seemingly) had so easily bothered me incredibly. But it (socializing and escapism) also helped me fight back. That and, at the time, I had gotten into a sort of self-hypnosis/meditation. I learned to change my mental structures. Some I changed as an experiment, to see if it worked and some I changed to make me better. Some of the experimental stuff has come back to bite me, but anyways. Throughout college, I found myself going in an out, and at one point I had a really high point. I was socializing, I could talk to people, and I was truly happy. Strangely, it was I noticed that I was truly happy that I started my decline and I declined hard. Nowadays, I bounce between a depressed and an absentee state. My grades are plummeting, I haven't exercised purposely in over a month, and I eat way too much sweet and savory foods (my comfort tastes). I can't focus enough to meditate, I feel working out is pointless, and, sometimes, when I'm driving home at night, I thinking about just going off road into a tree or something. But then I think of my family and friends.
I have always put others ahead of myself, because I haven't cared much about me. This time it's because I don't want to see them cry. It hurts me just to think about it. I've seen a therapist a few times, but she's busy and doesn't seem to think I have much of a problem. This is, because during the day with people, I put on a sort of smiling face. I deal with people and I act (as much as I can) like the person I want to be in totality some day. And that seems to make people happy. In fact, everyone I've told about my depression seems to have basically forgotten I've even said anything. I don't know. I see myself going downhill again, but I'm, well, too lazy to care or do something about it.
Dammit. I did it again. Lately, I've noticed that when I talk to people, I make it all about me. I dislike that.
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| _________________ Remind me to remind you to give me stuff
Send me your drawings of ducks.
I have a really bad memory, so if we got into a conversation or something and I just vanished, feel free to send me a pm and I'll reappear. |
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Weiss
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Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2014 12:08 pm
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| I fought of depressive states by praying to the lord and also attending church for encouragement- though depending on the church and the people there it might not always be a good experience but for now I suggest you pray and ask the lord to help you to get through whatever you're going through. ![Wink](images/smiles/;).gif)
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neomattlac
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2015 10:19 am
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| God. Every time I see and reread this thread, I'm like "That's so similar to my own experiences." Since my last post in here, I've taken the more destructive path. I have begun drinking again. I've never been an official drunk. I just jump at any chance to drink, then hold myself back from how much I want to drink. Luckily, alcohol makes me really sleepy, so I typically can never drink more than four drinks. Now, if I haven't eaten, I'll get plastered quicker and... Anyways, for me, drinking is a type of escapism; as are games and online stuff.
Lately, my depression has jumped down another path. A self-hate path. Its attacking my selfworth and dark thoughts. I also have the same issue with meds.
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| _________________ Remind me to remind you to give me stuff
Send me your drawings of ducks.
I have a really bad memory, so if we got into a conversation or something and I just vanished, feel free to send me a pm and I'll reappear. |
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KaceyCat
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2015 9:04 pm
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| I've had depression and anxiety together for so long, I don't really remember what I used to be like 'normally'. I've had depression since probably middle school, so like half of my life. For most of that, I've been on medication that controls both the depression side and the anxiety side. It makes the lows a little less, well, low. But it also dims the highs, which is good when the anxiety part's flaring up. Not so much when I'm actually happy. I don't think I've ever wanted to harm/kill myself, but I feel like I'm dead on the inside because of the medication dulling everything, while still acting perfectly happy and fine on the outside. For the last few months, I've not been taking the medication, partially because I forget, partially because I want to see how I can do without it. During the highs when I genuinely feel okay, I get really hopeful and proud of myself that I'm doing so well. And then it's like a switch is flipped, and I feel...Well, like shit basically. I start wondering why I ever thought I could be okay on my own, why I'm even bothering with any of this. It didn't help a little under 2 years ago that when I went through chemotherapy and all that, the doctors even said that the medication I was on could cause depression if I didn't have it already, and make it worse if I did. I feel like that several-month stretch was the metaphorical 'dark times' in reference to how I felt in general, but things still don't seem to be much better.
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