Waiting till marriage...

[DrunkenShark]

Terrapin's right on that.

You know, I once considered finding a male prostitute so my first time with the right person would not be akward because of my lack of experience...
But then I realised it was really stupid... I mean: man, a guy I did not even apreciate (he was very annoying, not subtle at all and had foul breath) stole my first kiss when I wasn't expecting this move from him, it makes me feel so stupid since then.

Don't let any careless thought or assholes steal your first time ! You deserve a great or at least very cute first time, keep that in mind

[decodederror]

I'd probably throw my future boyfriend in a lake after kicking him in his nuts if he ever tried to be romantic, like having a romantic dinner with candels and flowers. Dx I'm so anti-romantic it would probably show if it only could. This is one reason I don't value saving myself. I don't believe in this true love either, so I have nothing to save myself to anyway. Virgin or not virgin is the same to me.

Sex is for me a natural want, based in the fact that we need to reproduce. Sex is more like a need or a fun thing for me. I'm still a virgin though, but I'm both transexual and therefor dislikes my body, plus I'm not in a need of a boyfriend. (Only problem is that my current pills I take for depression drives me mad sexually. @_@; Not nice, I tell you.)

But it's up to each person to do it when they're ready. One should not do it just because their partner wants to, or if they aren't really sure. Sex with somebody you like or love still leaves marks, good or bad. Sombody who really loves you will wait. That is how romantic I could ever get. ; )

[Fallen Angel_Hearts]

[[~SHWING~]]

Waiting is perfectly acceptable, If that is what you want than do it. I didn't and I am in a happy stable four year relationship and that was mine and my girlfriends choice (~is male~), but both of you will need to be ready otherwise the sex will be a dissapointment. Its not a one sided act
So only do what you are comfortable with thats my advice.

[Nova]

The first time will not be perfect, no matter how long you wait.
The first time will hurt like wtf, because your vagina hasn't been expanded yet. It will be clumsy and awkward because yo don't know what each other like and how you like it.
Waiting until marriage is a bad idea.
I think it's good to have some experience before getting married. It's healthy for ones mentality to experiment a little with sexuality so one can feel secure and confident in bed.

Besides, when you're 19, the chance of the person you're dating right now being the one you'll marry is very, very, small.
In fact, I think when you tell a guy your age that you want to wait until marriage, they will get a little annoyed because they take it as being pressured into something they do not want to do for many, many years.
Relationships come and go. Just because your relationship might be the first one you've had that's lasted for that long doesn't mean you're right for each other, and certainly not that you'll be together for ever and ever.

Besides, I do not know anyone who would marry a girl they haven't slept with, because there's too much insecurity into it. I also think a lot of of people feel that if their partner don't want to sleep with them, it's because they don't trust them. And that is a dealbreaker to me.
I mean, I am not a big fan of sex, and I do not think a lot of sex is nescessary, but I do feel that sex is good to have on account that when you have sex, you're letting another person see you in a way nobody else can, you're showing them every part of your body and trusting it in them. That is a great way to say "I trust and respect you completely"

Say you do wait until you get married someday. What if the guy is very bad or selfish in bed, and is the kind of guy who gets pissy if you try to correct him?


I'm sorry if I'm harsh.
TL;DR: Sexual experience is always good, the first time is never perfect, you might not get married for a long time.

But if you do not feel like you are ready to have sex, or like you do not want to have sex (whether you're scared or not horny), then don't have it.
I still feel like you should talk about sex with your boyfriend, though.
You know, share your fears and expectations, likes and dislikes, worries, questions, all that.
The key to good sex is simply to have talked to your partner about these things.

Besides, if he's never had sex either, you two doing it together will be good for both of you, because you'll learn it together and adapt to each other.
(which is also great for you guys if you do ever get married)


I don't think he'll love you less if you want to wait, but I think he might be a little frustrated if you guys haven't had a good talk about it and why you want to wait. (again, what you expect, what you're afraid of, etc)
Whether or not sex is present shouldn't be what ruins a relationships, but the reasons behind it, or maybe not knowing them, might contribute a little to a breakup.

Whatever you decide, good luck :3

[TheMountainScene]

I think waiting is the best option.
In all honesty, I wish I waited :P I tried it once.
It hurt. Really bad. Sure it was good at the same time, but it's embarrassing. Especially when she has experience and you don't (or vice-versa). Sure, it's supposed to come with practice, but I still feel terrible about myself for not waiting. To be that open with someone you don't know you'll be able to be with forever just seems like a bad idea to me. I believe that sex is the ultimate devotion of yourself to a person. It signifies that you are willing to become one person with them and that you intend to share your life and body with them forever. It just isn't something that I think should be taken lightly.
Don't get me wrong, I took it lightly once. Sure, it can be described chemically and physically, it is a mating ritual and all that nonesuch, but even when you want it, and they want it, and the mood is right, and they are willing to go all the way, if you have a fringe of doubt, it will dwell on you. As the purest expression of the human body, I think it is more than something that's fun and feels good.
And there are so many risks you take. Physical, emotional, and spiritual risks that can even ruin your life. Even with protection and tempo (not that I believe in the tempo method lol) and things today, you can never guarantee that you won't catch something like syphilis, or crabs, or a baby. If your not married, and something like that comes up, you are shit out of luck. That boy or girl (honestly more likely for a boy to chicken out) could turn tail and run, leaving you with whatever you happen to have, and there is nothing you can do about it. Unless you call it unmutual, which is a whole nuther mess, it just seems to me that waiting until after your married, you know this person better than you know yourself, and your willing to connect with them on the final degree, then that is your passionate ending.
I guess that makes me a bit more of a romantic than a realist, but I hope what I said makes sense to at least some people...

[Sharij]

I don't know why you sould make a big deal out of this topic. I mean, hey, it's something that's fun for two people while it is not at all negative for other people, so why shan't we do it? (I mean, c'mon, you can expect from any person above 16 that he or she knows perfectly well about pregnancy and prevention)

I didn't wait. I haid my first time a few days after my 18th birthday, and that was only by chance. I never had a boyfriend nor am I really eager to get one; I guess it was curiosity and my biology that made me say "yes" (okayokay, first answer was "uhm..... let me think about it xD) when a boy I has before met only once at a Larp-Training asked me whether I wanted to try "it". (we had talked about similar things before, and I knew he was a virgin also^^)

Actually it was nice even though it hurt. But he was nice and understanding (and a bit unsure xD) anyway, so it didn't really matter.

I don't regret it. To be honest, I had been like "I want to, I want to" for about a year, but I am not the person that leaves the house unless for school, and... well there I would never go around and ask people for a date xD
Now that I know what it's like, and that it's not really more fun than eating good food (yeah, I do very very much like food xD) or... dunno, being on a knuckle ride or else, I can stay absolutely calm about it, which I am very thankful for.


About that marriage thing, come on, that's an old tradition still from the medieval.
Marriage was to make sure that a family could survive for the rest of the couples life, to bind women to their men and so their children to the men, so that the men would not have to worry about food when they couldn't work anymore. But life was shorter in those times. Like....You were glad to see your 40th spring.....

And know life's about twice that long, and because of the political situation in the modern nations, no one has to bind him- or herself to anyone, making marriages pretty much senseless.
It's old-fashioned and outtimed, that's my opinion.
I couldn't bind myself to one person for such a long time (rest of life o_O) anyway I guess.
And so of course, coming back to the topic, waiting until the marriage wouldn't make any sense.


Eventually, everyone has to decide for him or herself how he or she wants to treat this topic.

[Blissical]

I know the person who posted has made up their mind, i would still like to point oout a few things.

Firstly with the right careful contraception, you will not get pregnant, and with the right protection you wont get STD's, use an injection/implant/pill along with a condom and nothing bad will happen, unless youre that one in a billion or you didnt use something properly.

Secondly if he has been with you all this time, there is a very very small chance he will run off or cheat once he has had sex with you, heh, he should me more likely to stay. And this person who loves you and you love, would they really do this.

Third, marriage as one person said is just a paper, he can still divorce you after


Those are my points...however things are different for me

Im 15,a virgin and i believe in one person sex, yep just with one person. This comes from other reasons, not concerning your queries.

I find the sleeping with different people disgusting even if its guys,well sex in general.I have to force myself to be sexual.
Thing is i want a partner, some one to share a beautiful special life with, just the two of us. So if i find this one person, and they want to, i will force myself to have sex with them because they deserve it for being amazing.

Aaaah its difficult. Cause i wont sleep with anyone unless they are prepared to spend the rest of my life with me, but thats the wrong order, its date,sex,commit, not date, commit,sex if youre worth it. Lol haha, im waiting for the person who i like, who will like me ,odd, who will then date me without sex,odder, after then genuinely want to spend eternity with it 100%,oddest, then after we will have sex. Did i mention i have to be sure they will spend eternity with me?I think i better start saving for my cats, lonely crazy cat lady is sounding likely.

[Martyr]

I'm 17 and still a virgin, I haven't even had a girlfriend and I'm not bothered to admit it either. For me I'm not currently looking for love and instead am just focusing on my studies so that I can get a good job, have a career and earn money to provide for my family. I doubt if I will even start dating before I leave university let alone now.

I suppose I would say that I'm saving myself, but that would be because I'm not eager to loose my virginity and I'm waiting for a person that I truly connect with and love (it doesn't have to be the or right person). I guess I'm also a bit of a romantic and would love it if my soul mate turned out be the one who I waited for and were to marry. But I think at the moment it's still to early for me to think about (I think I've contradicted myself!).

Although I have to admit I do have a couple of fears about sex and virginity. I wouldn't want to have saved myself just to find out the love of my life has had a string of men before me, that would just feel...dirty and just plain...ugh! But I don't really want to be a 40 year old virgin either.[/i]

[Ailyn]

I think that you should never let anyone pressure you into having sex. If you're not ready then the person you are with should respect you or they are not right for you. However, if you are both in a place where you feel it is the right next step then you shouldn't let others make you feel ashamed of that either. Your first time will almost invariably be exceedingly awkward...real life does not work quite like in books or movies. However, there are ways to make a person's first time less painful and 2 virgins who don't really know what they are doing are more likely to have a painful experience. If you love him and you feel like you are ready then do a little research beforehand if you want to be more comfortable. I'm 27 and I've been sexually active for about 7 years. I know that life never happens quite the way you plan and the best way to deal with that is to work with what life gives you. Basically, if it's what you want then go for it but if you're just doing it to keep him then it's not a good idea and you will most likely regret it.

[neophenx]

If you've chosen to wait, there WILL be pressures and temptations. Whatever your reasons for waiting, remember that the BEST choices are made on logic. There are all kinds of worldly "logical" answers that say "get on with it! Do it!" But it boils down to this. When you get married, do you want to give your partner that one thing you can never give any other person? I honestly wish I could give my future wife that.

I wish you sound mind and blessing in your choice.

Oh and you'd be surprised how many times I've heard from people who should be old enough to know otherwise, "I'm pregnant! How did this happen!"

[BiscuitQueen]

I stay firm on my beliefs and loyal to my religion. I can wait, and I'm willing to wait. If my boyfriend really loves me, then he has to be willing to wait with me.

I think you should spend time with your boyfriend doing activities such as hiking, tennis or shopping. Something else not so romantic to get his mind off.. you know. I honestly do think you should wait until marriage, because once you've given up your virginity, you've given it up and you're not absolutely sure if he's going to be the "one".

These are just my opinions.

[Sailor_Gunner_Cat]

I'm personally still a Virgin, but I don't think I'm going to wait for marriage if only for the reason that I don't want to be in pain for my honeymoon XD

I wouldn't do anything your not totally ready for, I personally want to wait till I'm in a firmly committed relationship. But sexual chemistry is a fairly large part of a relationship, this doesn't mean you have to have sex (you can do the everything but) but it's something to keep in mind

that's just my thoughts though

[Seren Meinir]

Personally I think it's up to the person and whatever they want to do. I know for a fact my boyfriend, of four years, is not a virgin and I am a virgin. I will not have sex till I'm married but that's just my point of view on things. I see no problem with waiting or not waiting; it's just personal preference.

Now I made my choice mainly due to religion and the fact I refuse to be like my parents! (They conceived me out of wedlock.) And I simply don't want to have that kind of stress at this age. I mean I'm a college student and I really don't need anymore stress right now!

(Besides I'm awkward, shy, and timid by nature so if he hasn't figured out that the first time we do it is going to be awkward he is not as smart as I give him credit for. But hey! He supports my decision!)

[Kimi_Delaetus]

Firstly, if a guy really loves you, he will wait. There is no such thing as "blue balls" or whatever mythical disease they come up with to complain about "not getting any". [/ends rant before it can really start]

Ahem.

As far as I'm concerned, its your own choice. If you wanna go have sex before marriage, its up to you. Just be sure to use protection and safe practices in general. If you wanna wait 'til you're married, kudos to you. I admire and support your decision, though I dunno if I'll do the same thing.