Parents..>_>

[Nemui]

WEll lets just say my parents are starting to drive me crazy.

so just recently i had a beautiful little girl. [Feb 11th]
She is my first child and i love her to death.

Now i know my parents just have their best intentions in mind
but they are starting to go overboard and make me feel like im
not doing a good job as a mother.

Yes i maybe 21 but im not an idiot either.

Like right now my daughter has newborn acne [common] and Cradle cap [once again common to newborns]
And my mother is acting like im not bathing her enough. Always drilling me with questions like:
"how often do you bathe her?
do you put lotion on her face?
when did you wash her face last?"
and so fourth.

And then, omg when it comes to her diaper, its:
"when did you change her last?"
"you need to change her"
"you didnt put the diaper on good enough"


and feeding is the same way. i breastfeed, not formula feed, and so they are always going:
"when did you feed her last?"
"you cant make her wait that long"

if my daughter is sleeping, im not going to wake her and force her to eat, that just makes her angry. the hospital tried to make me do that. and it just made me angry and made my daughter angry.
S im not going to do that.

Its just getting to that point to where im sick of hearing them say something about my daughter.
Like i said before i know they have their best intentions in mind, but
i really just wanna say Back off.

but i cant do that...

so i have no idea what to do. any suggestions?

anyone been in a similar situation.?

[sychobunny]

While I don't havea child of my own, I do have a mother who can be quite over bearing, but I really don't have advice. My solution was to move 4 hours away. it still doesn't always help.

[Chu]

You can't do too much without making the situation worse. I can only suggest that you sit down with them without the baby, and tell them what you think without being too rude.

They're just trying to help, and generally all grandparents will do that because it's their baby raising another. They'll even do that when the baby gets older.

[Aaya-Tan]

Overbearing parents are going to be in your life until god knows how long. My mother's 44+ and my grandparents are always snooping around. But she made a lot of bad choices before and put herself in that position now.

Your best thing to do is to express your discomfort as kindly as possible. They're grandparents, they don't see you necessarily as their daughter so much as the one who gave birth to their first (possibly) grandchild. They want to spoil the child rotten merely because they don't have to deal with the child later on. You're the one taking care of it and in charge of discipline.

Congrats on the baby, though!

[Andom]

Parents are crazy. ;--;

My parents do that a lot, but I'm fourteen...xD

[Nemui]

Thanks for the advice. i think my sister ended up talking to my mom a little bit about it.
But yes i think i will have a sit down with my parents
and try to explain to them as nicely as i can how they are making me feel.

[Ah-Dee]

Hrmmm ... They should leave you make your own decisions as to how to care for your daughter. :'D

[Nemui]

ya thats how i feel as well most of the time.
i dont mind some advice here and there
its just they take it too far sometimes.

[RavenCpu]

Wow, your parents sound a lot like mine When my sister had her first son, my parents were the same way. They even went so far as to have people who would often run into my sister report to them and let them know how she's taking care of the baby. Now, my sister was never considered the most mature person, but maternal instincts tend to take over. Eventually my parent's realized that my sister was no longer their "little girl" and that she really was a mother now. It probably took them until my nephew was 2 before they truly realized she knew what she was doing and let go. Best advice I can give is stand your ground, but don't do anything that will hurt your parents. They won't stop until they realize for themselves that you aren't a child anymore.

[lunexor]

Heh, I had cradle cap and jaundice as a child. Imagine how disgusting I must of looked, and I have to say that I appreciate my parents for keeping the yellow strangely wrinkled baby that I was.
Communication is key for every single thing. Without communication, you can't get what you want into their minds. Talk with them, tell them they are driving you a little nutty. Tell them all that you posted here!
They may not like it at first, but they have to respect it is your oppinion.

Otherwise, your the mother and it's your choice.

[Kira Bella]

Your a good mother and you are doing fine.

Keep repeating that to your self. And you could always put your self in your parents shoes. I mean, they haven't had a Baby to look after for over two decades.

I imagine they sort of miss the "new baby" things in life. Even just a little.

But like some others have said, sit down and talk to them. Layout some ground rules. Hell, resort to a baby manual and point out to them, in as blantent terms as you can, that almost all babies DO get these illnesses. And that is ISNT your inadiuacy as a mother that is causing them.

It might hurt their feelings a little bit, but it needs to be done. Like you said, you are 21. But your not stupid. Let them know that.

[Lunar]

I hear you..
It's like sometimes I snap at my boyfriend or I'm really pessimistic.. and my mother is to blame.. really. I mean she's made it obvious she has a problem with him.. though why is a mystery.
He recently got offered a job up near me, (we live kinda far apart) and he's doing everything in his power to make it work and stuff, we found out today he might have a small problem with transport and stuff and after her bitching and whining about how hard it will be for him and how he cant afford a car etc etc she started up the conversation again with "Well.. let's hope he hates the (trial) job then." it's like.. NOT your life. FUCK off. You know? Theres only so much negativity and cynicism I can take.. and Im just bored with it really.
With him trying so hard to be near me and help us, she almost counter-balances it AND THEN SOME by pulling me down from it all.. it's like cheers. So I cant be happy just because YOU think I can do better? Fuck you. How dare you. D: <

[Nemui]

[glimpse]

you know, you could try telling them that they're making you nervous. But really it depends on the kind of people your parents are. Saying that might just make things worse!

If I were you, I'd only talk about the good things concerning your daughter [congrats btw!], not how her various conditions are doing.

Like, "oh she did the cutest thing yesterday, she's the happiest little baby I've ever seen" not "no her cradle cap isn't getting any better".

or when they start getting nosy with how you're taking care of her, you might just benefit from telling them how you feel blatantly. The direct approach might be best. :\

Good luck, Nemui (:

[Nemui]

glimpse:
Well see thats the thing, i dont ever bring up her problems, they do.
Im always like
"oh alanni did the cutest thing this week"
and stuff like that.

But for some reason when ever she starts to cry they are like when did
you last bath her she being feeling dirty.
Or if they smell her neck,

im for warning all of you a baby who cant hold up their neck on their
own yet has one freaking smelly neck, because it gets sweaty.

anyways they always ask are you cleaning it, it stinks.
ya i clean it, every freaken day, that's how fast it builds up.

so ya i have gotten a little blunt with my parents lately.
i even had to take a 2 week break from seeing them DX

although here is an update for all of you.
Her Cradle Cap is gone as well as her baby acne ^__^