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neomattlac wrote: |
God. Every time I see and reread this thread, I'm like "That's so similar to my own experiences." Since my last post in here, I've taken the more destructive path. I have begun drinking again. I've never been an official drunk. I just jump at any chance to drink, then hold myself back from how much I want to drink. Luckily, alcohol makes me really sleepy, so I typically can never drink more than four drinks. Now, if I haven't eaten, I'll get plastered quicker and... Anyways, for me, drinking is a type of escapism; as are games and online stuff.
Lately, my depression has jumped down another path. A self-hate path. Its attacking my selfworth and dark thoughts. I also have the same issue with meds. |
I can relate to the self loathing path, its not as bad as it used to be where I wished I could just die or disappear (I was just angry back then I'm not sure what the real cause was) but sometimes the thoughts just creep into my mind especially when something embarrassing happens or I fail at something its like I'd fall into an immediate slump of depression. Sometimes when I'm happy something scolds me for being happy or having a good time... er... am I making sense?
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