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Post new topic   Reply to topic Long distance relationships
Aperire



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 PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 5:11 pm Reply with quote        
So I'm guessing I probably won't get made fun of for this if I talk about it over the internet (as ironic as that sounds).
Yes, I am in a long distance relationship with someone I've technically never met before. We met on League of Legends through a mutual friend. We've known each other about a year and a half but have been dating for almost 4 months.
His parents know, and while my parents know of his existence, they don't know we're a couple. My mom has asked, but I always deny it because I've done this before and I just feel like I'm kind of a dishonor or something to do it again. So I just have her convinced that he's nothing more than a long distance best friend. This is how I manage to be able to send stuff to him or webcam or other things without them being too suspicious.

Now here is my main question: Is this something I really should be doing? I really don't want to be dating anyone who has any sort of connection to the town I live in because this is absolute loserville and if I keep close to it at all, I won't get anywhere in life. No one does if you do.
I won't say I love him because it's honestly too early and I'm too young. I want to say I love him because of course my little heart is saying I do oh so very much and we say it to each other, but I also am a little more wise than that and will not make that final to strangers online and I believe you only truly love one person in your life. But I really do want to visit him some time. Both of our parents are okay with it, though I doubt it will happen this year because of money issues.


I don't know, I guess I'm just kind of rambling and not getting anywhere.

Here is the main thing. The TLDR.
Should I try to make this long distance relationship work or give up now and just be friends with him and let him have a girlfriend who can actually be there with him?
It could just be my insecurity, but I feel like I'm holding him back by being far away. But at the same time, he's the one who asked me.
I don't know. D:
Chu
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 PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 11:07 pm Reply with quote        
This probably isn't the answer that you're looking for, but it's your decision in the end.

Have you talked to him about feeling like you're holding him back? Discuss it. Figure out what he's thinking. If he says that you're not, then you're not. When two people date, online or not, it's a mutual agreement to see each other exclusively. You can't be holding him back if he's choosing to date you.

Regarding whether you should date online at all: as long as there is consensual agreement between two parties, there is nothing to worry about. A lot of stigma surrounds online relationships because they're a relatively new thing. Now, I think that you should respect the wishes of your parents, and they shouldn't be left in the dark due to safety concerns. That's something different entirely though.

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Aperire



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 PostPosted: Tue May 14, 2013 4:59 pm Reply with quote        
I have talked to him about it, and he says I'm not holding him back at all.
I guess it's just my own insecurity.

It's not that my parents wouldn't be okay with it, I mean, my mom flat out said she was cool with it if I was, but I have next to no relationship with my parents and so it's still scary to admit that I am dating him.
Chu
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 PostPosted: Tue May 14, 2013 10:49 pm Reply with quote        
Insecurity is natural. You can't be too hard on yourself for it. I'm not in a long-distance relationship and I deal with insecurity all the time. It's just something that you have to work on in the long-run.


And it's understandable that you're afraid to tell your parents, too. In time you might be more comfortable with it. Your comfort and happiness are the most important things here.

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zenphor667x



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 PostPosted: Wed May 22, 2013 12:52 am Reply with quote        
Online relationships isn't really that weird of a thing, it's pretty normal these days.

The only thing I think you really need to figure out is whether or not you want to continue on with this relationship of yours. Of course it has to be some kind of mutual understanding but since it's online of course people would be cautious of whether or not the other person is committed or into the relationship like the other is.

It's a very timely process. I'm sure you like this person but give it sometime to see if you can actually consider that long because you both have to get to know each other better to make it work.

To make this a little light, in a sense. I met my fiance online about 5-6 years ago and I couldn't have been happier doing so. It was an online game like you two have started off but we started to hang out irl more often. Living together for about a year now. Online relationships can work out, just have to be cautious about it. The insecurities are understandable, that goes for anyone who can be insecure in the slightest
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