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Post new topic   Reply to topic Pregnant and not married.. I think this kind of belongs here
Rainbow Saliva



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 PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 1:35 am Reply with quote        
Okay so I suddenly found out on the early.. really really early.. morning of Feb. 22nd that I'm pregnant. I got discharged with a note for my doctor about the tests I need etc. I told the guy that I am and he said he wants nothing to do with me or the child in the making, and that when he moves he's going to change his number and disappear. Now pardon my french but this is a huge bitch move for him to pull, right?..

I kind of just wonder if anyone would like to discuss what they went through if/when they were pregnant or if they knew someone who was pregnant. Also what your views are on pregnancy out of wedlock and a lack of father figure for the little one to come. Do you have any possible advice for me on this matter? I already decided abortion is out of the question as I was nearly aborted thanks to my own father not wishing to have my mother go through with her pregnancy; so it hits very very close to home.

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 PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 2:58 am Reply with quote        
Wow, I can hardly believe that. I mean, I can, because I've been around some pretty shitty men in my life, but still. I am so sorry that the father is that irresponsible and uncaring that he would rather "disappear" than provide the slightest bit of support for the baby.

I don't think there's anything wrong with having a child out of wedlock, even if it wasn't exactly planned. As long as it can be brought up in a stable, loving environment, it will be fine.

And in regards to growing up without a father figure, sadly, I do think that it affects the child. Myself and my siblings are examples of that, although we weren't entirely missing a father figure; they just came in and out of our lives as they pleased. However, I do think that the child can still have wonderful father figures in their life. Family members, friends, or even upstanding men within the community can serve that role.


It's strange... I want to tell you that I'm here to listen and support you, but those seem like such flimsy words given the situation...

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Rainbow Saliva



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 PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 3:09 am Reply with quote        
Thankfully my family, as crappy as they usually are toward me, are willing to help me out with the baby when it comes and help me along to reach full term. I'm going to do my best to provide as stable and loving as possible environment as possible for my child when they come. I somewhat didn't have a stable father figure either.. my own father wanted pretty much nothing to do with me and my uncle,who was my father figure at the time, ended up moving away. My ex-fiancee is actually willing to get back together with me to help me and the child when it comes as best as he can,which is a lucky thing there.. right? I'm glad that you at least want to say it ..I keep hearing this sentence from everyone I tell this too;
"I wish I could help you."
It's a nice thought but hearing it about 20 times in a row is a little.. off putting if you know what I mean?

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 PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:44 am Reply with quote        
It's great that your family is being supportive here. I don't know where my siblings and I would be if our mom's family didn't support us.

And that is indeed good to hear about your ex-fiancee, but why do you have that doubt there?

Well, you don't have to go into it. I'd say to trust your instincts, but I don't know any details.

Yeah, I understand. People mean well when they say it, but the gravity of the situation doesn't put their words in a very good light.


EDIT: Wow, I feel like a heartless pessimist. Congratulations on the news. Although this will be a testing time for you, I'm sure that you will gain the most beautiful kind of love and fulfillment from it.

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Rainbow Saliva



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 PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 12:04 pm Reply with quote        
It surprised me that my dad was being supportive but hey at least he's willing to help me for once. Sweat

I have doubt because his family is very... against.. sex before marriage and having children out of wedlock.. whereas he says;
It's my choice not my parents, and I love you still so they have to deal with it.
I just know his mother will hate me for being with him and having another man's child .x.;; Even if we were not together when it happened... =w=;

I didn't think you sounded pessimistic at all actually, thank you for the congratulations, as tough a time as this is happening I want to do my very best for my soon-to-be little one, well not soon soon..about 7 months away from now little one.. but you catch my drift. Sweat

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 PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 3:25 pm Reply with quote        
Well, people can surprise you when something huge happens in your life. I'm glad that your loved ones are surprising you in a positive way.

Oh, I see how that can be intimidating. But he's right - he loves you, and his family has to accept that. Maybe over time as you prove your loyalty to him, and he proves his love for you and the child, they will come to accept it. For now though, you need to focus on yours and the child's health and happiness - not what they think.

Well I'm glad I didn't give that impression, haha. You seem to be handling things wonderfully and taking a healthy perspective on them, so I'm sure that things will work out.

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lexi luthor
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 PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 8:02 pm Reply with quote        
This post of yours hits close to home as well. If you can't keep the child for ANY reason adoption is ALWAYS and option. I am adopted. My birth mother was in the exact same situation you are in right now. She could keep me so the news went down the grapevine and ended up at the ears of my current mom. That of course isn't always the case, and adoption agencies are the best course of action. I was adopted through a private adoption with a lawyer not an agency. Again, adoption agencies are a good choice because you don't have to go out and find parents for the baby on your own, they'll do that for you.. I think.

Also, from experience, being adopted and all, I am a relatively happy kid. Most of the time I forget I was even adopted, it's not something that hangs over my shoulder and I certainly don't feel any bad feelings towards my birth mom, she did what she had to do. I have never met my birth mother, not sure if I ever will. So if you want to have a closed adoption, without worry of having to well worry about the child then it would work out fine and smooth for you. Currently I am 16 years old, I don't know if I ever want to pursue my birth mom.

All I can tell you is that I am adopted, I am happy, and if you choose adoption you don't have to fear anything about it, your child will fall into the right hands, I am sure.

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Rainbow Saliva



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 PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 1:27 pm Reply with quote        
I've decided not to put my child up for adoption, I'm going to keep them and try my very best to provide a good life for them.

Also; morning sickness is kicking my ass.. seriously it lasts like all day for me ;A;

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ecco



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 PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 5:44 pm Reply with quote        
Firstly I want to say I think you're really brave to keep the baby. I'm not sure that I could if I was in your situation. So I really respect you for that.


As for the guy.... well, surely if you can prove he's the father he has to pay child support? (I dont know how these things work in the US... which is where I assume you are... correct me if i'm wrong XD)

cos if that's possible, i would make sure he has to support you financially. Mainly for the cheek of trying to run off like that. It takes two to tango, and if the woman falls pregnant I believe the man should at least give the child financial support if she keeps the baby*. His relationship with the mother is irrelevant - he helped make said child, so he should help pay for it.

*an exception being if the woman falls pregnant by deception, i.e assuring the man she is on birth control when she's not, or that she is infertile when she's not or something like that. I have no respect whatsoever for women that trick men into getting them pregnant.

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Rainbow Saliva



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 PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 5:49 pm Reply with quote        
He believes I did deceive him because I did say I was on the pill, which I am.. so it's not a lie. Child Services will most likely force him to take a paternity test whether he wants to or not. I honestly don't WANT his money or his support in this.. I only want him to accept the fact that HE did this to me and that it is HIS child that he is pushing away. Also, I live in Canada actually..

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ecco



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 PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 5:57 pm Reply with quote        
ahh, in any case, i have no idea how these things work in Canda, either XD


well, regardless of what he thinks, at least your conscience is clear. You didn't lie - the pill isn't 100% effective, after all, and as an adult, he should know that as well as you do. I think he's incredibly selfish and immature for the way he's handling this. If he could at least sit and have a grown-up conversation with you about why he doesnt want to have anything to do with yourself/the child, that i could respect.

in any case, i dont think being a single parent is the end of the world. the majority of my friends are from non-nuclear families (ie divorced parents, single parent, other unusual family groups) and most of the people i know have turned out pretty alright, so XD i guess it's what you make of it.

Mostly i think as long as you love your baby and want your baby, said baby is gonna be just fine Smile i'd rather have a single parent who was happy with me than a married couple who didnt really want to be together and who perhaps werent really happy about having a child together, if that makes sense.

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OrangeAutumn



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 PostPosted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 10:29 pm Reply with quote        
What your ex-boyfriend reaction towards your pregnancy is childish and irresponsible. It's a good thing he is gone and out of your life because he will do nothing but pull you down.

I have many friends who had children out of wedlock, and because of cultural/traditional values, they marry to help raise the child. There is nothing wrong with having a child out of wedlock. The only reason why it's sounds wrong is because of religious values deeply rooted in society. So don't even think that you have done any wrong in keeping/having your child. You have a wonderful family who is helping you and that is the best environment to raise a child in.

For a father figure... I have tried to latch myself to strong father figures in my life but none really fit the shoes. Even my own father couldn't do it because he is still immature and selfish. My father was like a shadow in my life and the only image I can remember him in is when he sits in front of his computer all day. He wasn't there much in my life and he never took the time of day to spend it with us. I say, find a good strong father figure who is will love your child and discipline when needed. Someone who is responsible for his own actions and knows where his head is at.
Siege Heart



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 PostPosted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 10:42 pm Reply with quote        
I've heard of plenty of people who have done this which is the sad portion of these pregnancy stories. I'm a guy so honestly I can't really say what it feels to be in that situation, however if I ever did get my girlfriend pregnant than I would not leave her with the child all on her own. I believe if you take part in the process then you should be as responsible for the child. Neutral
Amaris Kale



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 PostPosted: Thu Oct 18, 2012 9:06 pm Reply with quote        
That really sucks what he's done to you - but I think you're really brave for standing by your own views and feelings without being deterred. Honestly, from reading what you've written I think you will do wonderfully as a mum, and with your family helping you, you'll be okay! I hope you are well, and you will be okay, even if this guy hasn't been very good to you x

Wow, I just realised when this was posted - hope that you are doing well!!
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