Long-Distance Relationships

[Chu]

(David is stupid 'cuz he "checks up" on my posts. ;p)

I recently entered a long-distance relationship with a fine young chap. He lives about two hours away, so I suppose that - okay, I can't do this anymore.

He lives about two hours away, so it's not quite as "long-distance" as it could be. We've met a few times and all that. I have to say... it's pretty great. Of course, I'd love it if we lived closer together, but I already feel so lucky to have met him in the first place that I couldn't ask for more. (And besides, I can be the overbearing-mother type, so this may curb those annoying tendencies of mine. ;p)

I'll keep the story short, sweet and simple: We met on eHarmony (I know, I know XD) and hit it off quite nicely. Things progressed and feelings grew and wha-la! Love. We haven't really experienced the drama that you hear about with these kinds of relationships, and that may be partly due to the relatively short distance between the two of us (we can, after all, see each other, whereas a friend of mine has a girlfriend all the way in Japan) OR the completely short time that we've been officially "dating." Either way, I hope that the serenity lasts, because it's nice to feel like this again, after an entire year or being single.


Is anyone else in a long-distance relationship, or have you ever been in one? I have a feeling that this could potentially be a bit of a support hub for some, and that's fine. Whatever you all want to use it as.

[neomattlac]

I did for awhile, but the girl turned out to be playing me, after a year or so of "dating." We communicated almost entirely over the net, but a tad bit on the phone. Unfortunately, I get abnormally nervous on the phone, so that didn't work too well. After a while, she admitted that she had been having a "real relationship in the real world" and didn't have time for me. >>

[Chu]

I'm sorry to hear about that, Neo.

[Of The Cosmos]

Oh ho ho. Ol' Cosmo has a story on this one.

I've been on both sides of the coin, personally.
While my experiences have been less than favorable
it is different for everyone. Being a nerdy type, not
to mention a lesbian, it has always been rather difficult
for me to find someone. I've been with my girlfriend
Katie for nigh on 2 years now. We live together & I
actually met her on OkCupid.com! I can honestly say
that I am going to marry her & that I couldn't picture
myself with anyone else. When I enter a room full of
what others would call "hot" women I don't even
notice them. I might as well be at a sausage fest.

XDDD

But! I digress! Before my girlfriend I've been in my
fair share of long distance relationships. From New
Jersey, to New York, to Florida, California, to Michigan
& Virginia. Oh, yes. I was an internet "pimp". I jest.

I honestly & truly poured as much commitment & love
into those relationships as I could but the others always
fell short. "It's just not realistic." Was a favorite saying.

Then why have you lead me on thus far? Most believed
that I would never move across the country to be with
them. Wrong. My latest long distant relationship which
had ended in flames is a testament to my staying power.

I quit my stable job (complete with excellent insurance,
paid vacation, personal & sick days, as well as a $500+
paycheck), left my family, friends & my comfortable life
to be with this girl. I'd visited at least a dozen times, a
weeks time each visit & I was convinced I was in love.

She did a good job playing me, too.

I saved 2 thousand bucks & embarked on my adventure
with my rose colored spectacles in full swing! Ah, naivety.

As soon as I arrived I knew something was wrong. There
was, for a lack of better metaphor, a DISTURBANCE in the
force. xD In fact, she is the one who INTRODUCED me to
OkCupid where I met my girlfriend! To make "friends" she
had said. I never quite figured out what her problem was
but I did discover she was cheating on me the whole time
with several men & after the money ran out she dropped
me so fast my head spun for weeks.

Nice.

But from the ashes I arose anew.

Message received Universe.

Everything happens for a reason. I highly doubt I would
have sought out OkCupid on my own & it was because of
this girl hurting me that I found my beautiful, loving partner.

I would ABSOLUTELY do it all again if I had too.

All in all, I 100% believe that you can find love from a distance.
Did it work for me? No. But two of my best friends in the world
came to be together from long distance & they are happy & great
for each other. It's definitely possible. Wow. Sorry for zee rant.

;D

[Chu]

Oh, wow! I wonder if I'm gonna keep getting horror stories. XD

I do enjoy the irony behind that last relationship though, sad as it was. Love can come from any person, anywhere, and indeed once those rose-colored lenses are donned... all hell can break loose. Ya gotta love that pesky Universe.

You really don't know what that other person is doing - or in most cases, who! - and naturally I'd be totally skeptical and pulling my hair out from the anxiety. But I dunno. I like having faith in people. It may hurt down the road sometimes, I know, but I'd prefer the pain and experience over the loneliness and constant wondering, "What if...?"


I'm just a big, florescent target for the Universe, aren't I? xP It's a good thing I still have a lot of strength left in me!

[Of The Cosmos]

I love that pesky Universe.

xD

I really do. Ah, it would seem we are both big ol'
targets for the Universe. I am grateful for the role
it plays. Even if at the time I don't quite understand
the purpose or meaning....in the end the message
is received. I really wouldn't want it any other way.

You are right about the what ifs.

That is why I've always offered to give it a go before
giving up. Only one ever took my offer, but, perhaps
that was a good thing. ^^;;; Luckily, after the whole
ordeal I was able to get my job back.

They even let me keep my years, meaning I wouldn't
have to go through probation & all the hoops a new
hire would go through. It was absolutely in the nick of
time as well. A few months later they started laying off
"new hires" but because I kept my years I was safe.

Serendipity & luck have always been good friends of mine.

I really do feel like everything will always be alright in my
life. Even in the darkness there is light. It's been proven to
me again & again & again. To which I am eternally grateful.

We are tough women, Chu.

[neomattlac]

Luck has always been on my side, which actually probably partially why I am so.. reclusive. I like people, but many people don't think I like them because I don't talk much. Part of that is because most of the time I'm on an entirely different plane. What a lot of people talk about, who are at my age and somewhat older, is stuff I've thought through as a kid(as in elementary school). Which also makes getting in a relationship difficult. I ended up(in a good way) with a girl who likes me for who I am(hard for me to accept, but it's true), and who is... blonde, in the truest sense of the word. But at that level, she forces me to go back down a few levels, and it keeps me interested. I oftentimes find myself trying not to interject little facts and things into our conversations. She's not an intellectual, I am, but it works.
She works a lot, and I have school and work a lot. Her work tires her out and she works mornings and sleeps in the afternoons. So we only see each other 1 or 2 times a week, but we text a lot, so it might as well be long distance.
As for my previous long distance, I took it to heart and learned that I had become addicted to her, and the internet in general. It gave me the sensibility to live in the real world, and lose part of my shyness. It gave me the wisdom to see my faults. It gave me the desperation for a real life. It is a lot of what lead me to this point.

[Chu]

That is lucky of you. :] That's good.

Haha, I've always felt the same way about things always turning out okay. Secretly I'm a little worried that the "luck" will run out, but what's the point in living if you're only focused on that? ;p


I see, Neo. There are plenty of barriers between couples - sometimes physical, sometimes mental - and in a way things like that can make any relationship seem "long distance." But it's good that you're happy together. I firmly believe that a relationship has to be worked for, but at the same time the innate love and understanding between a couple has to be appreciated. There needs to be a balance between the two "fighting for the future" and enjoying the moment. Many get lost in one or the other.

[Sin]

I was with someone for almost two years in an online relationship.
It works if both people are dedicated to make it work.

[Dr. Tick Tock]

The best story:

A couple years back, I decided (for some reason I have no idea why) to pretend to be an older guy and flirt online with stupid little kids to teach them a lesson. So I met this young girl named Laura who was twelve and I spent like a month talking to her.

It took like all of two messages to convince her to meet me somewhere.

So I came out and told her that I was actually a fourteen year old girl and that she was incredibly stupid and shouldn't believe that internet people are who they say they are.

Turns out 'Laura' was actually Jordon, a fifteen year old boy who had decided to pretend to be a little girl to try and find creepy pedophiles and get them arrested.

We were both wholly amused

The end.

That was completely irrelevant, wasn't it? OH WELL ENJOY THE STORY ANYWAYS. -vanishes-

[neomattlac]

I will have to agree, that is quite funny.
The sad part is that if one of you had ended up being that pedophile, and the other would have been underage and suited that person quite well.

[Overlord Branny]

I'd have to agree with Sin, if both people really want it to work and are willing to make an effort then I think it could work.

Both have to be willing to spend time with their partner, even if it means sitting in skype for a few hours and chatting with them instead of going out.

The guy I was with would always say he didn't like sitting in front of the pc, that he'd rather be out or something..

Well damn bitch, then go find a man out there. </3

[Chu]

Mmm, the thing is that most things I see about long-distance relationships remain true for any relationship, at least, in my eyes. To me it seems that the only thing distance adds is a further test of one's dedication and love for the other person. If those two things are healthily felt and expressed, then (theoretically) there shouldn't be an issue.

Although, I'm more for communication and intellectual compatibility than the physical aspects of a relationship. Not to mention the innate loyalty that I express to others. Others seem to be more focused on having some type of physical connection with their lover. Each person needs different things to feel secure, I suppose.


Tick Tock, cute story. If anything, to me, it goes to show that more people online are innocent than others would like to think. I dunno. Maybe I trust others more than I should - relying too heavily on luck - but I don't like thinking the worst of people.


Mmm, you're right, Branny. While there's nothing wrong with trying something new, I think that people should generally stick with what they're happy and comfortable with. Try new things, but don't get dedicated to them until you're sure that you enjoy them. "Think before you leap," pretty much.


I think over time, people will become more open to long-distance and online relationships. The technology to actually do these things is still relatively new, in the grand scheme of things, so of course we're not going to trust and grasp it right a way. But all in all, I think it's giving us a step forward in human-to-human relationships. Gives natural hermits (like me) a chance to put themselves out there while remaining in their comfort zone. That alone has a magical quality about it. I would have never thought that something so helpful would be available in my lifetime.

[neomattlac]

I think the main issue here is that, while you can develop a relationship through the net, people don't(usually) develop true, physical intimacy without actually getting close to each other, and you can only really see that when it happens. I didn't learn that until recently.

[Chu]

Mhmm, I see what you're saying.