A place to rant and get advice if you want.

[neomattlac]

I know that my mom just wants to help me, but goddamn it.
She's expecting me to work more than the time I already have working. And she takes everything personally (a habit I've picked up, unfortunately). She called me at 8:15am this morning, to tell me that someone had recommended that I go up to their office and apply for a position. Here's the thing. The position pays minimum wage, it takes 35-40 minutes to get there, I'll be working with my brother's mother-in-law (her love of me isn't mutual. Long story short, old babysitter, never got comfortable around her), and I already have a job. Granted, it's 16 hours a week, but it's a job I really like, and it's only 10 minutes, maximum, away.
Now, there are also some things I didn't tell her. I'm planning on exercising a lot this summer, losing this belly of mine, and it's kind of dependant on my current position. Also, if I really want money and a job, I do do freelance catering, and I can work with a catering company as a call-in. I mean, no shit Sherlock, since she has helped me build my own catering business.
I also am working on getting a software job on/with the military base here or a security job at the public library. (Less about the security, more about working in the library) Also, I want to live a life that wasn't dependant on her helping me, short of paying for my food and rent and shit stuff, which isn't small. I know Mother's Day is coming up, but I feel like she deserves a paper bag and a gag present for Mother's Day. Gah.
Speaking of nothing else, I can also barter my skills off to individuals, to acquire items, to barter for better items or sell.

[KoyiTar]

Parents think they are helping though at times. When they don't realize they are actually not really helping anything at all.

I think I might have screwed up and thought something about something that may not be true I am uncertain anymore. I feel like quite a fool over it but meh nothing that can be done anymore really.

[Chu]

._. I'm kind of lost. What happened, Koyi?

[KoyiTar]

I think I may have jumped the gun over something and bragged on something that I shouldn't have in the mido chat because I am now uncertain if what was said is even true. But it might just be me over thinking things as per the norm I don't know. Being a woman and dealing with hormones at times can be confuseing.

I think I counted my chicks before they hatched to be honest.

[Chu]

Ahh, I see. Well, things usually aren't as bad as they seem. I'm sure it'll all turn out alright.

[KoyiTar]

Nothing was as bad as it seemed at all. I was just letting random worry and fear get to me. He and I are actually together and it's quite amazing to me that we are. I waited so long to actually be with the ginger head that actually being with him now at times feels like it's a dream more than a reality.

[Chu]

Awwww, I'm really happy for you, Koyi!! You deserve it.

[KoyiTar]

Thank you Chu. I feel pretty darned lucky to be completely honest.

[KoyiTar]

I Try not to complain about religion because I know that's a taboo type thing to do because everyone has their own beliefs and that is all fine and well. But don't tell me that my son who is autistic and has some development issues just needs prayer and he will be fine.

Pray for him if that is what you so choose I don't mind people saying they will pray for me regardless of my own non-belief if that is what they want to do because it makes them feel like they are doing something to help because they don't know what else to do for me that's perfectly ok. But don't tell me that is all my son needs at all period that he doesn't need therapy and to see a bunch of doctors. There are times I wish I didn't live in the state that I do because of the crazy religious nuts there are here. If religion is your thing that's cool its fine by me I don't care if you have it but don't force it on me and don't say that ust prayer can fix medical problems because I have read too many cases where people have allowed their children to suffer and die from things that could have been prevented because oh prayer will fix it no need to go to the doctor for your appendix rupturing.

Sorry if this offends anyone at all just had to rant that one out I really don't care what people believe in really just don't try and convince me that what I am doing for my son medically isn't needed at all.

[KoyiTar]

I am so angry and upset I am not sure where else I can complain about it. I bought my ginger head a really awesome pipe for his birthday. He liked it and had smoked from it and such. Well he left it in his car no buggy right. Not until his car was stolen from his driveway with pipe in tow. So now I am trying to find him a replacment pipe but I can't seem to find any that are as long that don't cost quite a lot of money. The one I bought was cheaper than its normal price because I had coupon codes. Well I no longer am able to use those same coupon codes for this shop anymore. I don't really know what I am asking if anything just wishing I could get him the same if not similar 25 inch long churchwarden pipe. Sorry just venting I guess thanks for reading and stuff.

[Juneberry]

Please don't mind my whining, but I have mommy issues. My mom pretty much abandoned me back when I was eight. She left for 'rehab', which resulted in regular lies that she'd come back the following year and me never knowing it was actually just normal separation plus rehab in another state. The official divorce was when I was twelve, and well, I've never really had much contact with her since she left really. The most I talked to her was a couple times a year on the phone, and it was always just me having to get lucky most of the time to get her answering. She got a little better a few years ago and actually called me back a couple times, but suddenly stopped again. I was finally mostly over it! But...I got a text and an email like a month or so ago, saying she missed me and whatnot. I'm not sure if that means she's ready to not lie to me and to actually talk? I was too uncomfortable and sent her an honest response that I was still feeling hurt and wasn't quite ready. But, her birthday is coming up, and I want to show i really do appreciate her trying, so...I'm thinking of sending her a little 'happy birthday' on her birthday this Friday.

But, as I think about it...I start getting frantic! This has been a really hectic past couple of weeks. My cousin's been in and out of the hospital, and I've been worrying about him. I've been sick with a bug and trying to get a new therapist and have to see my secondary psychiatrist to do so...Just so much is happening, and I don't have a therapist right now to talk to about these things until I get healthy enough to go back to partial and bug my case manager.

This is mostly just me ranting, but...On the one hand, I really do want to wish her a happy birthday. I mean, sure, she's never been the best mom- her main reason for wanting to have a child was because she heard it'd help put her Crohn's into a recession and possibly permanently stop the flair ups (though in the end, I was a premie and it didn't really help her). She was clearly upset to have a girl, too. But she still did try to some degree. When I was confused with my homework, she taught me the right way to do it with games to make it fun. She tried to make me laugh...She wasn't the best mother in the world, but she wasn't the worst really. The pain is just still there! I just can't figure out how to send her a happy birthday wish when part of me really doesn't like her anymore at all, but I still love her because she's my mom...

...And this ends my really long, stupid rant. Please don't mind me. I have no idea what I'm saying right now, because I just sorta flowed with my brain which doesn't always work well x-o

[KoyiTar]

It wasn't long or stupid at all sometimes it's just good to let out your feelings especially in a place were many people don't know you in real life and stuff at least I find it to be quite helpful. Hence why I made my little rant thread here for myself and anyone else that wants to use it just to rant about whatever.

Anyway I have something that is not a rant but a happy happy thing. So the pipe that was stolen from my dear dear friend who is more like a boyfriend now i guess you could say seeing as he did say he loved me the other day heh. But anyway I was able to get him an awesomer pipe for much cheaper and the same length and I think he will like it all the more better than the first one anyway and and weeee *Spins in her chair*

[Juneberry]

And a lovely idea it is, Koyi! Also, congrats on the nice things in live~ <3>w<Last>:c But this one was worse than the other ones I've had recently. Blargh. -flails about like a chicken with its head fallen off-

[Strix Varia]

[Juneberry]

New rant today. Sorry guys. I need to do this >w<

So, I finally heard from my cousin. Okay, more like my dad was on the phone with him while I was uh, doing something. But anyway, he had it on speaker, but I missed bits. So, dad filled me in. Yay! My cousin's okay!

But wait. The hospital let a twenty-something year old guy out of the hospital to just go about his business with a tube in his side? I'm not talking a catheter, guys. Catheter I can understand. My dad's had one. But a tube literally in his side, in his body, to drain stuff from what they're trying to decide is either an abscess or leaking from his last intestinal surgery from the intussusception and later post-surgical infection. Seriously. Is that even safe?

I mean, he seems happy (I know he was waiting to get back to school from all this)...But...The tube is to drain stuff they don't even know what it is because they don't want to give him the scan they need because they're worried about radiation that wouldn't exist with it the way they make it sound it will. I'm starting to worry about this. I know it's not my business, but he's my cousin, and we grew up almost like siblings. I used to literally think he was my brother almost.

So yep. I'm freaking out a bit over that. Oh, and my dad's yelling about things from the past talking to who I'm assuming is my granny again. Yay! I'm not there!