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Chu
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 PostPosted: Sun Aug 01, 2010 5:47 pm Reply with quote        
You missed my mom's parenting method with me:

Do nothing. Literally.

It wasn't bad for me because of my natural independence and competence, unless you count the emotional crap that I went through because I didn't feel loved. xP


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mdom



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 PostPosted: Sun Aug 01, 2010 11:53 pm Reply with quote        
I think that being an adult emotionally is very, very difficult. I am 25, but I only recently found out that I cannot think of my parents as people who will tell me what to do or hug me when the world is against me. On the other hand, I hate when my mom asks if I'm eating ok, but I understand that most parents don't want ever let go of the control of their kids. So even if they are responsable enough, the parents won't see it.
Chu
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 PostPosted: Sun Aug 01, 2010 11:56 pm Reply with quote        
I think you're right, sadly. To parents their children are always just that: Children. There's no avoiding it.

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TheMountainScene



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 PostPosted: Mon Aug 02, 2010 1:56 am Reply with quote        
I concur, but to a certain extent.
All parents, be them human or not, have to let their children go eventually. In their eyes, they will still be there children, but all boys grow up and all that nonesuch, right?
When I turned 18, my parents stepped back and said "Life is your problem now. You can live here as long as you are going to school and/or working, and once you are stable, we'll start charging you rent. If you want help, you need to come ask us."
They intervened a lot when I was a kid, sure, but I would too in my circumstances (see my rant or just take my word for it).
On the same note though, I think some parents need to realize that people need to make mistakes to learn. If you are prevented from making mistakes, you'll never learn how to act on your own.

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 PostPosted: Tue Aug 10, 2010 4:12 pm Reply with quote        
I agree almost completely. While I think said article is an extreme, I agree that teens need to stop being babied.

Lemme give you an example.

I'm 18. At a car show, I wanted to go to the bathroom. I had my cell phone, I had service and I had a friend going with me---but my mother still tried to coerce my brother and his friend into accompanying us.

Uh, hello?

I'm 18 and I can't even go to the BATHROOM with just ONE FRIEND?

I also think the parenting style mentioned on page 2 is the best of the styles mentioned. My mother is the "nagnagnag" type...and it only makes my brothers and I not want to do whatever chores she gives us out of spite.

To sum it up:
I agree, as I am still being babied at age 18. It, as mentioned in the article, is creating a LOT of friction between me and my parents. If they would let me make some of my own decisions, maybe make some of my own mistakes, there wouldn't be as much friction.

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 PostPosted: Fri Oct 22, 2010 12:50 pm Reply with quote        
I get tired of being treated like a child even though I am 'considered' a child I am just as smart as any 30 year old (and smarter than some) I dont like the fact that children are made do things they dont want to do because of their parents it makes me angry I personally think that children shouldnt be 'grounded' or 'punished' because of stupid things they should be able to express themselves just like adults
Lady Lyria



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 PostPosted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 3:39 pm Reply with quote        
It really depends on the person. Some teenagers will take advantage of responsibility no matter what, but you shouoldn't just assume that and treat all of them like children. I know many people who are very young, but act very responsibly because they must. For example, if you're the oldest sibling of five and must always tend to the younger ones, you'll probably end up being responsible and good with kids. If you're an only child with low expectations from eveyone, then it'll be a lot harder to be responsible since you haven't ever had much repsonsibility.I kinda understand the article, because I can be very mature, particulary in company that respects me and treats me as an adult. However, when I'm treated as a stupid, irrisponsible kid by my parents, I don't bother acting like an adult.
orchidwings



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 PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 7:53 pm Reply with quote        
The person above me is correct; it depends on the teenager. Parents need to be attentive to their individual child's needs, and they need to stop putting them into a box just because of their age. Some teens need more control and guidance, where some are very independent and are able to handle making their own choices. It all comes down to attentiveness. Parents need to be aware of what their children are doing and going through, but they also need to allow them some space to be their own people. The right amount of control vs. freedom is essential to them developing into competent individuals.

Really I can only speak from personal experience with this. I know that as a teenager, and a young adult, I was made to feel like an incompetent person because I had never had much responsibility growing up. But, I simply wasn't allowed to do normal things that people do as they get older; simple things like getting a driver's license, or a part-time job. I got my first real job at 22 when I moved out of the house and had no choice but to make my own decisions. It was immeasurably hard to find a place that would hire someone my age who had zero experience. I also had to overcome my fear of driving on my own, so the driver's license didn't come until I was 24. Late to the party is an understatement.

My upbringing's strict ways have led to me being a very timid person, I'm afraid to try anything new or venture out on my own. I could've gone too far in the other direction as well, I think, but this is how I ended up. If I ever do have children (at this point I just don't know, what with the economy and all) I think that it's really important to impart responsibilities upon them so that they learn how to be self-sufficient.
Imaginative Sarah



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 PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2011 3:18 pm Reply with quote        
actually is true,you know way back in the day people use to get married as young as 13. I know i'm glad to have freedom of rights nowadays..
superbinka



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 PostPosted: Mon Sep 23, 2013 5:30 am Reply with quote        
It's important to at least give people the chance to prove they can do things, if they can't, and you'd rather do it yourself than teach them, fair enough.

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, teach a man to fish, and he'll eat for a lifetime.

This applies to teenagers too. If you never let them do anything, they won't be able to grow up and be mature. They've never been taught or shown how. Teach your kids that they can be responsible, that they can make choices on their own, but watch that they do things right.
Mock



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 PostPosted: Sat Oct 05, 2013 9:12 pm Reply with quote        
superbinka wrote:
It's important to at least give people the chance to prove they can do things, if they can't, and you'd rather do it yourself than teach them, fair enough.

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, teach a man to fish, and he'll eat for a lifetime.

This applies to teenagers too. If you never let them do anything, they won't be able to grow up and be mature. They've never been taught or shown how. Teach your kids that they can be responsible, that they can make choices on their own, but watch that they do things right.


I agree with this. I also agree with the notion of treating each teenager on a case-by-case basis.

As I was growing up, my parents gradually gave me more and more freedom, more and more responsibility, and less and less support. As they were both teachers, they made sure that I was well prepared for each increase in freedom/responsibility. They also explained the reasoning behind every rule, so I always followed them. This technique only worked because I was such a rational thinker. My brother, however, was less rational, so our parents used a different tactic for him. While he was also educated of the rationale behind rules, he was given more encouragement to follow them, and the "levelling up", like I was doing, was slower for him.


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