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 PostPosted: Tue Jan 19, 2016 2:18 pm Reply with quote        
used to, as in you dont think of suicide anymore?
my cousin committed suicide and i think about him often. it's never easy for the people who loved him, i think it left people feeling guilty for not knowing how he was feeling. i think it's really important for people to know that when we are going through troubling times that theres always someone who loves us enough to listen and empathize, just be there while we straighten out our shit. i feel like the best way to gain insight is when we analyze things our own, like it's good to seek comfort in others but not ok to burden them. i think theres a balance between depending on someone else for comfort and relying on ourselves to become better, so dont be afraid of getting close to people.

hey, did you catch that? "i dont have the words to describe how i feel about them, but here are some words to describe how i feel about them"

why do you want to lose weight?

why are you suffering with low self-esteem/worth?

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 PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2016 11:42 pm Reply with quote        
I will probably always think about it, but I have moved away from it being something I romanticize, desire, and want. I wasn't something I sought out, but it was there. I've always had people to listen to me, but I've always pushed them away. I have never (and still don't) felt comfortable getting close tot hem. For a long time, I thought it was because I didn't want to hurt them. The past three months have shown me a huge change in thought and understanding of my mind. I realize now I care almost too much for people, and have a high level of empathy. What I was trying to avoid was sharing negative feelings with those people; every time I see someone sad, I felt sad. I have become so focused on avoiding the pain, I forgot about the happiness I felt. Ironically, all this came about by revisiting the painful events that led to me avoiding everything in the first place (my grandparents and dog dying when I was younger). Lately, I've started to wonder how much different I would be if I had opened up at the time before shutting it out. One of the things I've learned, just today, is that nuture can encourage, or suppress, gene activation and certain bits of brain growth. So, I could have been a literally different person.
To be honest, I want to lose weight to change my self-worth and confidence because I literally feel worthless, especially of love. Which is part of the reason I really hate stopping and thinking about love: because I don't feel like I deserve it.
I am suffering low-self-worth because.... It's a self-repeating issue and multi-dimensional issue. I hate myself, I always desire perfection and can never meet it, I focus on my mistakes in actions, rather than my accomplishments, I see a fat stomach. I see someone who people are disgusted to be seen next to. I see someone whose only worth is financial. I see someone who is a burden to the world, and someone would simply never happy being with, as a burden. A burden why? Because I complain a lot, I'm lazy, I eat too much, I take too much, I'm dirty, I need a lot of therapy, etc. I know that I work hard, make lots of money, am organized when I try, but I have to have a motivation to go hard.
I apologize about the late response. I've been contemplating the response.

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 PostPosted: Mon Feb 22, 2016 1:08 pm Reply with quote        
thats good. sometimes i feel an overwhelming and sudden feeling of sadness that gets me to think "i really dont want to feel right now", i just start to hate everything and feel like giving up, then that leads to thinking of suicide, i've never told anyone before because it's so irrational. sudden, and overwhelming feelings is not the same as depression, i hate every second of it though. i think i was depressed when i was younger, i was raised in a high stress environment. never was diagnosed, i just looked up the symptoms and that was me. i'd rather have you alive.

i feel like suicide is rage quitting, except we cant move into another game, thats it, our bodies start rotting the moment our heart stops beating.

i know what you mean about taking on someone elses emotion :C that also gets me to not want to talk to people. but youre right, talking and being there for someone makes us happy. i think that's what sets social species apart from lone animals, the ability to empathize that is. listen to yourself too. maybe it would be better for you to tend to your own needs and not anyone elses for a few months. i know i was just saying the opposite of that, but it could be the better option for you.
the gene activation, or our epigenome, can change throughout our life. our genes stay the same, but it's the epigenome that dictates which are off or on. our environment or our diet can actually change our epigenome, which means that theres still a chance for you to become different. your past and your genes will always be there, but things can change. for example, the genes that regulate dopamine, serotonin, etc. some peoples eye color change from brown to blue just by changing their diet. interesting story, my eyes were brown and less green when i lived in the states, since i've moved up to canada theyve started to change color to lighter brown with more green. i changed my diet around the same time too though.

if you want to change your self worth, it starts with self love, and to me, self love is not something you feel, but rather what you do for yourself. self love is a verb, an action. it's like walking down a street, same street you walk down a million times and you see this mangy dog, same mangy dog you see on the same street a million times, and every time you see the dog you think to yourself "i want to love you", and you keep walking. how do you show this mangy dog love? how do you get the mangy dog to start appreciating you? it's not by walking by and wishing you were different, it's by deciding to do things that will make you different, by doing things that will bring you to that point of self worth. it all starts with action, then comes self worth.
it's fine that you notice your mistakes, actually, it's good you do, but just ask yourself "what can i do differently?" and implement whatever solutions you come up with.

what motivates you?

and me too, i'm sorry for the late response. it took a couple days to really think about it, thats how i am i guess with serious things, i take my time with it. but yeah, i saved it to a txt file on my desktop and i'm just sending this now Duh i didnt forget you! i'm just hesitant or whatever.

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 PostPosted: Tue Mar 08, 2016 8:05 am Reply with quote        
I, on the other hand, am just (unfashionably) late in replying.

Self-love, not my strong suit. I need to see a therapist anyways. I think I'm literally addicted to sugar.

Suicide is bad, yes. And I 100% understand the "overwhelming and sudden feeling of sadness." I call those "depression attacks", similar to anxiety and panic attacks. I believe it comes from an underlying stress issue combined with exhaustion, vulnerability and a poor outlook, which is probably why I get them so often.

Epigenome - that's the word.

Back to the subject of the thread, "love." What is it to you?

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fickle



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 PostPosted: Fri Mar 11, 2016 1:36 pm Reply with quote        
a therapist might not help with your sugar addiction, humans naturally seek out sugar in their food, our bodies need it. what we dont need is refined, or isolated sugars.

our cells primary fuel source is glycogen, and our brain exclusively runs on glycogen. our bodies need sugar in order to make glycogen, youre not addicted to sugar, your body just needs it. just make sure to get sugar from whole foods. i would suggest looking into a high carb low fat diet (HCLF). inadvertently, an hclf diet can also help with weight loss and depression. there isnt anything to lose by switching a few things around in our diet.

idk what was going on with me when i was younger, but the difference was almost instantaneous the moment i started feeding myself a healthy diet made up of mostly of whole plant based foods (i still indulge every now and then with junk food, but not often). never before in my life did i feel happy for no reason at all! dont think of sugars as bad for you, it's the source of the sugar thats important. mango vs. donut, it's no contest. anyways, thats my anecdote, heres the science between diet and brain health though https://www.youtube.com/user/NutritionFactsOrg/search?query=depression

you do not have to stop any medications youre on, you do not have to stop seeing a therapist, you can change what you eat and still do those things, and again, theres absolutely nothing to loose by eating differently.

"suicide is bad" i guess we can simplify it that way.

idk, thats a pretty broad question, love is a lot of things to me. i've never gotten caught up in defining it, but i think a good way to recognize what it is, is to ask ourselves "what is love dependent on to exist?" i'm starting to see just how much it touches that i dont think i want to simplify it in a mere post.

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 PostPosted: Fri Mar 11, 2016 9:41 pm Reply with quote        
I don't know what to say.
HCLF never sat well with me because of the high carb part. I just say I need to avoid sugar because it is the source of a majority of my calories. When I track my food (which I have been laxing on lately), I see a big jump about 7 or 8 at night, when I eat a snack or dessert. I understand it's fuel, but too much fuel can flood an engine. Regardless, I do need to cut down the amount of processed foods I eat, and proportionately increase the amount of whole foods.

Love, to me, is the overwhelming willingness to give up comfort to protect or help someone else. It is (mostly) giving without expectation of anything in return. I love the world, and would be willing to sacrifice myself to save someone else.

And, yes, "suicide is bad" sums it up nicely.

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I have a really bad memory, so if we got into a conversation or something and I just vanished, feel free to send me a pm and I'll reappear.
fickle



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 PostPosted: Fri Mar 11, 2016 10:25 pm Reply with quote        
what do you know about carbs? carbs are not fried donuts, bagels, pizza, crackers, cake, pasta loaded with unhealthy sauce.

carbs are fruits, starches, and vegetables. these carbs are healthy. pasta is also healthy, it's the sauces that can make it unhealthy. this is what doctors like t. colin campbell mean by carbs. watch this documentary, you can find it on netflix https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7ijukNzlUg there are also books i can recommend, but that doc is a good introduction cos i dont wanna overload you with too much info. i would be surprized if you can eat too much sugar on an hclf diet, do you know how much plant food that would take? how much potatoes do you think that would take? it would be a challenge.

can you share with me what you eat in a day? put it in cronometer, or a site like it, and share it with me?

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 PostPosted: Sat Mar 19, 2016 8:39 pm Reply with quote        
Yes, but a lot of the people who join the HCLF diet go for simple carbohydrates (white sugar and flour).
I've never heard of cronometer. Yeah, let me track my food real quick and share it with you.
In the mean time, here's today:
Breakfast: 5 4" pancakes (from scratch), 5 tbs syrup, 2 pats butter, 2 glasses of water, 3 10oz coffees, 1.5 tbs sugar, 6 coffee mate dry creamer packets
Lunch: 1 chicken breast (grilled), about 1 cup grilled vegetables (onion, celery, mushrooms), 1 small bottle water, 3 glasses water
Snack: 2 cups granola cereal (emptied box and cannot find it), 1.5 cups chocolate almond milk (everyday essentials brand), 2 glasses water.
Dinner: 1 tbs lima beans (weren't cooked through), ~1/2 cup spiral pasta, ~1 chicken breast baked, 1 sub roll, 1 glass water, 3 dark chocolate chip cookies (from scratch).
Later: 1 bottle water.

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Remind me to remind you to give me stuff
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I have a really bad memory, so if we got into a conversation or something and I just vanished, feel free to send me a pm and I'll reappear.
fickle



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 PostPosted: Sun Mar 20, 2016 11:34 am Reply with quote        
i've not seen even one person who eats hclf who eats a lot of refined foods, and i've been learning about it for the past 4 years. check out this google img search for #hclf
https://www.google.ca/search?q=%23hclf&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi3kZeD08_LAhUC3mMKHaOUCKoQ_AUIBygB&biw=1348&bih=946
how much refined food do you see? if a lot of hclf people are like you say, then we'd see different search results.

i could type all of that into my cronometer for you, but i'll need something more detailed. like how much oil, salt you used, if the butter is salted, the beans canned, just more detailed.

have you seen forks over knives yet?

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 PostPosted: Sat Apr 09, 2016 11:22 pm Reply with quote        
I've got to watch Forks over Knives again. I've checked it out now, so I just need to watch it.
As for Paleo, I've researched it again, and I'm wrong about a lot of it.

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 PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2016 7:04 pm Reply with quote        
nice, it's on netflix, or you can buy it on their website. or you can torrent it, but you know... that'll be up to you. in the mean time, check out their success stories http://www.forksoverknives.com/ultra-recovery-depressed-addict-champion-ultrarunner-plant-based-diet/

i can say a few things about paleo, but i wanna know what you think first c:

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 PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2016 6:34 pm Reply with quote        
What is it like to be in love?
What is the difference between friendship, limerence, and love?
Why is it that I can so enjoy someone, then feel only slightly sad to give them up?
More so, why can't I express myself in the words I need?
I wonder if a whole food plant-based diet can help control my mood swings...

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Send me your drawings of ducks.
I have a really bad memory, so if we got into a conversation or something and I just vanished, feel free to send me a pm and I'll reappear.
fickle



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 PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2016 10:48 pm Reply with quote        
love was always something that confused me growing up, i felt like people just said it for saying it, as if theyre merely fulfilling an obligation or for good manners. for me, it's not just something that is felt, it's also an action. love is not just conveyed with words and bodily chemicals, it's also something we do for people. personally, i dont casually use the word love with people.

what does it feel like though? it feels like excitement, endearment, wanting to be closer than hugging can bring us, idk, love touches so much of our lives that it's difficult to simplify it into a forum post, and i dont want to simplify it. i like it in my head with all it's complexity. i know ive said that before, i still feel that way.

limerence disregards what the other person is feeling, theyre enthralled in their own feelings instead. love is not gazing upon a flower, admiring it's beauty, severing it from it's roots, and putting it on the dinner table in a vase. love is admiring it's beauty, leaving it on a bush, and watering it. of course anyone who is in love would like their feelings reciprocated, however theyre not obsessed with having their feelings reciprocated.

we dont have romantic feelings for friends. romantic feelings may develop though, but then it turns from love for a friend, into romantic love, it's different.

why do you feel slightly sad to give someone up? because disattachment is a symptom of depression.

you have words, you can express yourself just fine, as evidence by some posts youve made here. the problem is that you think you cant.

Quote:
i can say a few things about paleo, but i wanna know what you think first c:


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 PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2016 10:36 pm Reply with quote        
She is someone who is completely awesome, but... while I really enjoyed the dynamic we had, it's gone. I haven't seen her in over a year and, even then, we felt disjointed. She's a party girl going for a degree in philosophy or something, and I'm a country boy going for an advanced degree in systems engineering. It's like an equilateral triangle lego piece and a square lego piece. Try as you might, even if you connect them, they won't line up. I think I'll always love her as a friend, but there's no friendship there. It was kinda weird when we were actually friends too. We kinda skipped the whole top-level thing. We both love food, True Blood, karaoke; we both were fighting depression something hard at the time. But we went different ways. I just don't know how to connect with her again... and I'm not sure I can or want to. IMHO, I think we were just trying to use each other to stay out of the depression pit. I'd describe how I feel towards her as detachment, but not to describe my other relationships. It's just like meeting someone you knew as a kid, and seeing just how different you two have become.

And, if that is what love is, then I feel it for the whole world. I would sacrifice myself so that any one of 99% of the world's population could be happy.
I always thought limerence was just wanting the other person to be happy and appreciate what you did, regardless of how it makes you feel; where you'd do anything just to make them a microspec happier. You'd be willing to see your world crumble into darkness to protect their brightness, but you expect nothing in return.
As for the word love, I have a rough time even saying the word. It makes me so nervous. I haven't told my parents I love them in years.

Paleo: I actually like the idea... mostly. It seems to contradict itself. Eat as many foods as you can raw, but rice and beans, steak, and chicken are staples? I actually like the whole foods vegan diet a bit better, but leads to dangerous situations.
For now, I'm going to simply reduce processed fats and sugars greatly, avoid bread (not potatoes), and do what I can to stand clear of animal products. My main thing is, though, is that I want sugar so bad right now...

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I have a really bad memory, so if we got into a conversation or something and I just vanished, feel free to send me a pm and I'll reappear.
fickle



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 PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2016 9:44 am Reply with quote        
core values matter more than our job though. a philosophy major can date an engineer, youre just being silly now :P i was raised in upstate new york, the residents like to call it "tree city" sometimes, everything is far apart. i loved living there (apart from all the people i hated lol), it was a very tiny town. my senior graduating class had about 60 people, one school for five towns. my boyfriend, on the other hand, grew up in kansas city, he's a city boy, i'm not, he loves gaming, i dont, i like to draw, he cant draw at all, he's social, i'm an introvert, we have so many differences, but we work together.

you'd ejaculate on the whole world? you'd walk down the beach barefoot, watching the sunset, holding hands with everyone alive right now? you'd date everyone, player :P
i looked up the definition, limerence is more of an obsession of wanting love to be reciprocated, regardless of what the other person thinks.
how many years? o: would you say it again to them?

there are actual raw paleos, it's absolutely disgusting, they ferment their meats in jars. i know someone who is, i met him in 2009 when he wasnt paleo. he was my boyfriends friend before mine, my bf has seen him deteriorate since he started that diet, he became slower in thought and illogical, and he actually started showing signs of heart disease because of it. ketogenic diets cause heart disease, and the reason why his thinking slowed down is because less blood and oxygen flowed up there, and the brain requires glycogen in order to function, which we get from carbs. paleo, wheat belly, grain brain, atkins, these are all ketogenic diets. the situations that you may run into on a ketogenic diet are pretty bad, heart disease is americas #1 killer and this diet isnt helping, especially since it's so heavily promoted by the media (the doctors show, time magazine). ketogenic diets cause a process that's known as ketosis, which is what happens when our bodies starve. after our glycogen stores and fat stores are exhausted, it begins to down regulate the amount of energy our organs, including our brain, use. after some time it breaks down our muscles for food, then our bones and digestive organs, it's not a natural healthy state for our bodies, it's a state of survival. the reason why it's so popular is because the results come quick, people lose weight quick. the television show, the biggest loser, uses ketogenic diets in order for their contestants to lose weight, but it's not a healthy way. loosing weight is so appealing to people that theyd rather risk heart disease, and going through ketosis, than doing it a less risky way.
what are your concerns about the plant based diet? i dont know everything, but i can help with anything youre curious about.
thats awesome man! youre also thinking of what to eat instead right? i like to use water, instead of oil, for any stir fries, and opt for baking with no oil or butter spreads. larabar's might curb your sweet tooth theyre made with dates and no refined sugar, my fave is the chocolate chip cookie one.

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