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KathiraNarae



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 PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 4:35 pm Reply with quote        
This is part rant, part question. Rant first.

It often sickens me how little people can pay attention to the serious threat that bullying actually is. Physical bullying is considered worse because of the injuries, but verbal and psychological bullying is far worse. Those scars are invisible, but there all the same, from wounds that run deeper than a physical breakage ever could. Another argument is that bullying happens mostly in schools, kids will be kids, it teaches the victims to be tough and survive in the real world. Yet, kids being kids means thay don't know how wrong bullying is, they'll be much nastier, and they need to be taught that. They won't necessarily 'grow out of it'. Kids are also more vulnerable to bullying, so that makes the victims suffer more than if they were adults. And the victims becoming tougher? Doesn't always happen, they could, instead, be reduced to being unable to function in society, never socialising for fear of being hurt, and that leads to worse. Yet apparently bullying isn't something to worry about. *headdesk*

The question is this. Have any of you had experiences of bullying, whether as a child or an adult? I spent a good three years at primary school being bullied, and the teachers refused to believe that bullying actually happened at that school. It was so bad that I sat down in the middle of the playground and screamed 'Go away' at everyone when I started secondary school. I've got a lot better since then, but I'm still not good at socialising.
Pikmin



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 PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 5:09 pm Reply with quote        
I was bullied in every single school I ever went to. It was easy for them when I was younger 'cos of my aspergers, it was pretty easy to provoke a response from me.

Then when I got a bit older I actually got bullied because of my breasts. I was really into sports and was very active, but then I developed early and.. largely Neutral And the other kids saw that as a good enough reason to pick on me.

In my last school I was still bullied a lot until I just stopped talking to anyone except my closest friends - I skived lessons constantly and just kinda hid in the library. It took me years after all this to actually start socializing with people again, and that was only because I went to music college.

So anyone who says bullying doesn't affect you is talking out their arse.. I don't really have any good memories of school and I didn't really learn much either. All my knowledge I have now is from reading books.


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Juneberry



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 PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 5:44 pm Reply with quote        
I've been a walking target since I was a wee one. In the beginning of kindergarten, I think I was generally safe- sure, some of the kids tried to walk all over me because I was shy, but there wasn't anything that bad. But then I got glasses, and as is the norm for kids of that age, I was bullied rather persistently. But it wasn't just my glasses that got me bullied back then. I was the new kid, there were some kids that just bullied me for reasons I don't know, glasses...All sorts of things made me the perfect target. That, and I had severe social anxiety. I got my first near-suicidal thought back then, because a kid actually told me I didn't deserve to live and she hated me. I mean, I understood why she was upset. I had to leave her birthday party because seeing a group of people I didn't know made me feel ready to throw up (which I did when I got home). But...She sorta took it over the edge.

Bullying only became more obvious over time, though. Elementary school wasn't as bad as middle school, strangely enough. Sure, there was a kid at the bus stop who threw basketballs at us girls all the time in grade school...But in middle school, that's when I found I was more emotionally scarred.

In 6th grade, the boys had this game they liked to play on me. At least half the boys in my class alone did it. They'd ask me out, and there was only one way it would end no matter how I answered. I'd be severely laughed at and ridiculed for believing they actually were serious. This went on for a year. I witnessed bullying I found hard to witness, but I wasn't bullied as much besides by some of the girls who just liked to bully anyone that wasn't part of their clique.

When I moved in 8th grade, I thought things were getting better. There was this one guy who constantly screamed in my ear knowing I had a problem where I hear louder than others. He also loved making me high five him and purposely pulling away- but that was sorta funny at first. But then he kept doing it. And when I realized he was gonna do it, I'd refuse, and he would literally block the door for the classroom so I couldn't get to class on time unless I purposely fell for it. So yeah, me and guys didn't get along.

And the last main case of bullying I remember was in high school. Some girls from school randomly found my IM info and started sending me rude messages about how I'm a horrible person, I smell, I should take a shower, etc. They did this persistently like harrassment until my cousin came in, saw my computer screen and literally made me get out of my chair so he could get his friends to yell at her with him, which I didn't exactly like, even if it stopped them.

As stated by Pikmin, anyone who claims bullying doesn't affect you is talking nonsense. No matter what kind, it can cause severe problems. I have severe trust issues, and am actually somewhat fearful of males in general from the trauma of the guys that would scream in my ear and pretend to like me only so they could laugh in my face. I still tend to be very shy and uncertain with people, too.

Bullying is a major problem. For everyone who responds yes (which I sadly think will be a majority of the population) to having been bullied in school...You have my condolences for your painful childhoods. And for some of you who say no...I have a feeling that's a lie >w< It's hard to meet someone who's never been bullied at all.

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Strix Varia



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 PostPosted: Thu Sep 26, 2013 12:33 am Reply with quote        
It isn't nice but it is natural. In a way, humans have improved a lot over that last few thousand generations. Many species of animals follow 'survival of the fittest' If young critters are not strong enough to survive the abuse of growing up, they just die young.

In many early primitive societies, rulership and class were determined by the 'rule of the strong'. Bullying wasn't a game, it was a legal means for advancement.

These days bullying is at least frowned on by society even if there are no good ways to prevent it. In my opinion the Zero tolerance policies that many schools have cause more problems than they fix but at least attempts are being made.

In a morbid sort of way, being bullied is useful. Like most people here I was a constant victim as well. It taught me that the world could be cruel and life is often not fair. That experience has incorporated itself into my understanding of the world and has probably saved me from a lot of grief and disappointment. I hope you weren't expecting a pep talk.
KathiraNarae



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 PostPosted: Thu Sep 26, 2013 1:03 am Reply with quote        
As much as I respect your opinion, Strix, there is usually a point where it goes too far. Like where the bullies have essentially doomed their victim to being so unable to socialise that there is nothing that they can possible do in or for society. That's definately too far. Or does it still fall under the purview that survival of the fittest is best?

One of the main differences between humans and animals is that we try to make life better for all of our species, weak and strong alike. And that is why development and movement towards the future is best.

My experience certainly taught me that the world is full of shit. But that doesn't make bullying right, and letting it go on is, in fact, allowing the world to remain full of shit. Eliminating bullying would be a big step towards making the world fair and not cruel.

And another thing, bullying victims sometimes end up commiting suicide. I know I was contemplating it when I was being bullied. And I was under 11. Is that right? Is bullying to the point of suicide and/or inability to be around other humans useful?
Mock



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 PostPosted: Mon Sep 30, 2013 11:22 pm Reply with quote        
Addressing the argument that bullying prepares you for later life: There is nowhere that abuse like this goes as unpunished as in schools. In the workplace, this can be reported as harassment and the culprit can be fined or fired. Even though it happens in the adult world, the law does not turn a blind eye.

In a slightly unrelated note, I was bullied in primary and intermediate (I was a crybaby in primary), but I started growing when I was 13. When I got to high school, I was already taller than most of my classmates. By the time they caught up with me, I was skinny, skulked in the shadows (due to photosensitivity), and had an intense, evil-looking glare, all of which contributed to my "scary" reputation, so no-one messed with me (not the best tactic if you ever want a boyfriend).

Wow, that side note was longer than the main point. o.O


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fickle



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 PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 10:10 pm Reply with quote        
the first part of this is a response to the survival of the fittest comment, the rest is for the topic. Weeeee
hey sorry for the first part, wall of text
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i identify the bully as a victim too. mentally or physically, could be by their own parents, siblings, neighborhood kids, w/e, but they are most likely abused.

when i think of survival of the fittest, i think of lions hunting weaker animals, or a birds nest fallen over with dead babes cos the mother didnt do a good job at preparing it. like, things that happen that wont allow the reproduction of weak genes, the stronger beings live on while the weak ones just didnt make it. i dont think of bullies.

innately, what bullies are attempting to do is secure a place within their group of people. they want to be as far away from the bottom as possible, the purpose this serves is:
they can use the coffee maker first at work
they can cut in line, get their lunch before other students at school
hog the swing set
hog the remote control at home
basically, they have more control over their environment

in a pack of wolves, they fight eachother to establish whos more dominant, who comes first, who is stronger, who will eat the best parts of a fresh kill and who will pick up the scraps. people act in a similar manner, though we arent like a pack of wild animals, we're capable of more complex thoughts. Duh unlike an alpha male wolf, a bully isnt going to get very far in life if he continues being a dick to people. so the idea that hes preying on the weak so he and his offspring survive is, in my opinion, forgetting about everything else in the picture. im uncertain how big a part darwins theory of evolution plays into this, i think it's more complex than that. trust, understanding, flexibility, a sense of humor, and most of all compassion are assets that people need in order to progress in a society, as a society, and even as an individual. if person A doesnt succeed in life due to being a jerk, how many people will have their back, who will trust them, give them a ride home when they get a flat tire on the highway, fill in for them at work, etc. i do suppose their offspring will find an even harder chance at succeeding if he passes down this behavior to them, his bloodline will die off (it's not very likely that that will happen now, at the rate of which people who dont even know how to take care of themselves are breeding).

i asked myself "what is the purpose of bullying?" after seeing some other posts in this topic, that is what ive come up with so far.
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i think the idea that it builds character is BS, cos hey what if /gasp/ bullying doesnt happen. what then? would we have people walking around with no character? that idea is silly to me, i dont understand it.
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anyways now that ive got that out of the way, i think it does have an affect on us mentally. idk if i would call it bullying, but im no stranger to abuse. i was an outcast at school, and within my own family. i can say that the way i behaved, view things, perceive the world, and judge is/was dependent greatly on how i grew up in an abusive atmosphere. i couldnt make, and keep strong friendships, i didnt trust men, i wasnt a good judge of character at all, i had a low self esteem, a low standard for dating, and a few silly things like hating that richer people had things that i didnt. that's the sort of knowledge i gained in my family, it didnt do anything to prepare me for surviving life. hmm, i didnt get any compassion at home, or at school. i learned other ways to behave from hanging out on the internet. i swear, the internet raised me, i found compassion there when it was lacking everywhere else.

i think awareness of how people see themselves in relation to others, and compassion are important life skills to pass on in schools and households.

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