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Post new topic   Reply to topic Hand-me-downs? How about hand-me-not.

Hand-me-downs
Yeah!
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Nay!
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Total Votes : 2

Lilykin



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 PostPosted: Sun Jun 09, 2013 2:32 am Reply with quote        
So, a week ago my fiancee and I moved into an apartment together. As with most new couples living together for the first time our furniture and appliances make motley furnishings at best. But his bedroom set is decent and I have a pseudo recliner as well as a nice dining set waiting for us in storage (granted the chairs could be refurbished/replaced but that's a story for another time). All we really needed was a couch. And that's where fiancee's family comes into the picture.

His family does the "storage wars" thing. Which, as I'm sure you can imagine, generates a lot of junk. But, you know, whatever makes them happy. Until I learned that we had become the recipients of recent finds the week before I moved in. Enter one stained leather mini sectional thing and one large old flatscreen. You know the kind. They weigh a thousand pounds and make you want to scream? Yeah, that kind.

It has totally gunked up the space in our tiny apartment. There is only one place to put the monstrosity of a sectional without it making an obstacle course of the living space and that disaster of a tv takes up the tv space and spills into the dining space. What makes me the most upset is that they where moved in here without mine or my fiancee's knowledge. (His dad offered to move the bedroom set while he was at work and well...) Who does that?

I want these pieces gone and I feel like a jerk for wanting to get rid off these unasked for hand-me-downs. I don't know how I should approach getting rid of them without offending the givers.

What about you guys? Any advice on unwanted hand-me-downs? Any hand-me-downs you hate but can't get rid off? (Any items you're secretly hoping will become hand-me-downs? Or not?)

(Actually I could live with the sectional I just really resent someone else dictating what goes into the home I'm starting with my future hubby. Be they family or not.)

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Sharm



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 PostPosted: Sun Jun 09, 2013 12:23 pm Reply with quote        
I'd say plan for the space as if the hand-me-downs aren't there and get rid of them as soon as you have the replacement. If you've got something nicer who would complain about you getting rid of the old stuff? In the mean time, thank them for the use of the stuff and explain that you don't have any more room for things that aren't planned for and that you don't want anything else.
ecco



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 PostPosted: Sun Jun 09, 2013 12:31 pm Reply with quote        
First off, speak to your fiancee and see what he (she? idk) thinks. May well be on your side and able to speak to their parents directly, so you don't have to worry about the reaction XD

i feel you, though. I have a lot of stuff (much smaller stuff, admittedly o.o) that i just can't get rid of because it was given to me. I'm far too sentimental in that respect.

I also know how it feels to come home and find your stuff all moved around. That happened to me when i came back from Japan. My then-boyfriend who was living with me at the time, and my mum decided to re-arrange my room while i was gone without my permission. I got very depressed leaving Japan, though I couldn't tell you exactly why it was so bad. But needless to say when I saw what they'd done while i was gone i was livid. I don't like anybody touching my stuff at the best of times, but to completely re-arrange things without so much as asking me first? Not cool. I would never do that to someone and I expect the same respect in turn.

anyway, getting off the point. I can understand your bad feelings about it. I have no idea what storage wars are, though? *confused*

I definitely think seeing what your fiance thinks first, though, and assuming you're both in agreement that you dont want the stuff, i'd suggest either selling it (collection only XD) or donating to a charity that accepts such items. failing that, there's always the tip :/

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 PostPosted: Sun Jun 09, 2013 1:17 pm Reply with quote        
Storage Wars is a show featuring people who go to storage auctions. Some people never go back to pick their stuff up from their storage sheds or stop paying the deposit, so the owners auction off the entire shed. Here's a similar show. I don't watch them, so I'm not sure where to find the Storage Wars series. ^^; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JjTBgAMwsw


Your feelings are understandable. Maybe I'm more defensive than most people, but I'd definitely make sure that they understand the boundaries in their relationship with you and your fiance. (It's not a bad idea to send your fiance in on your part if you're uncomfortable with confronting them, like Ecco said.)

Sharm makes a good point about replacements though. There's nothing wrong with getting a replacement and donating the old stuff or giving it back to them. Just make sure that you address the issue of personal space/boundaries, even if you do that. They need to know that they can't make decisions concerning you without consult, and they need to know that they have no business moving things in your house. If you don't make boundaries with the in-laws clear early on, then boundaries will continue to be a source of stress.


I get hand-me-downs all the time. Mostly clothes. In fact, I own very few things that aren't gifts or hand-me-downs. ^^; When you don't have much money, you learn to suck up your pride and accept the charity of others. Most of the stuff isn't too bad, although I still get bothered when I'm given stuff with holes or obvious stains. Since I do mostly get clothes though, I don't have many issues with boundaries in that respect. A bag just gets dropped off at my house every once in a while and I donate or throw away what I don't use.

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Lilykin



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 PostPosted: Sun Jun 09, 2013 9:52 pm Reply with quote        
@Sharm
Basically what we are planning on doing and I did thank them for the things.

You really never know how people are going to react with hand-me-downs. Most people give you the thing(s) and are done with it. It's yours, do what you want with it. Some people don't understand why you are getting rid of something they believe is still "perfectly good". And a lot of people (though not in this case) place sentimental value on things and get very upset if you don't treat it they way they think it should be. Aka "strings attached". Kinda like my family with baby clothes where they want them back when you are done with them. Roll Eyes

@ecco
He and I have talked about it quite a lot actually. Our rule of thumb is that we should both agree on big pieces we bring in. Though he, his dad, and brothers tend to trade tools and junk like nobody's business. So I'm always discover new things around the apt and in the car lol.

My mom used to rearrange my sister and mines room all the time. Drove me nuts. Which cracks me up because she won't stand to have anyone rearrange anything.

@Chu
It's not so bad if I'm right there when they ask me. I can tell them yes or no with no feelings hurt. Fiancee already does a lot of explaining for me. His family is very loud and in your face with each other and I am sooo the opposite of that. I may ask him to say something. Though, I think the simplest solution is just to not lend his dad the key again. XD

Hand-me-downs don't bother me at all. Most of our things are second hand and it's gonna be that way for awhile. No biggie. It bothers me that his dad took it upon himself to move these things in. Just akdjfks.

My buddies and I trade clothes all the time. Usually it accumulates all into one bag and whoever ends up with it last donates or sells it. Soft Smile

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Chu
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 PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 12:47 pm Reply with quote        
Hand-me-downs go around my family a lot. My immediate family is poor, but we take very good care of our things. We give away coats and shoes that look like they haven't been used. My aunt, though, has a lot of money, and she gives away things with holes and stains and even shoes still coated with dirt. I guess when you don't have a lot, you just try to make things last longer. It's just weird.

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Add me on Skype! I'm ewitsChu. Even if we've never talked, just tell me your username in the friend request and I'll accept.

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