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Post new topic   Reply to topic Clarity
neomattlac



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 PostPosted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 12:31 am Reply with quote        
This will probably end abnormally long or abnormally short, but still requires a little bit of history.
Ever since I was small, even before 3rd grade, I thought I wanted to be a chef, or a food chemist. It's all I thought about and I learned to love food and understand it. Now I've always been different cognitively, but lately it appears that I'm more different than I thought. I can "experience" food before I make it. I understand food. I just use logic and experience. I can come up with dishes immediately and ingredients rarely pose a challenges to me, and I love to cook. So I went to cooking school, only to find that I don't want to cook, but rather I want to lead. I now have a basically useless degree. Now, by lead, I mean lead people to become better, and to show people what there can be. I can see what potential people have, and I want to show others that, especially for shy people.
Now, it's time to go back in time a bit more again.
I've always been quiet. It was because I found it was easier to communicate through individuals, rather than a group. And beyond that, I had my twin brother for companionship, and I just learned to "phase out" most of my life. Meaning that I just let time pass. I learned to give just enough attention to pass my classes and answer questions. In the end, all I did for a long time was just gather information. I never learned the "Game." I didn't learn about social norms until my junior year of high school, except that I needed to wear deodorant and not sweatpants.
I understood that dating was for sex in middle school and high school, but avoided it as much as possible(until that junior year). I never really cared about other people. I just let time pass and absorbed knowledge.
When I hit high school, the whole teen angst thing hit me pretty hard, and I spent a few months brooding. Then I took a psychology course. I learned about meditation and reflection. I became very introverted, so that I could become extroverted. Only by reflection could I see the world. I saw a few girls I liked, and began to see the world around me. I saw nature in a way that I don't think most people saw. At this point, I learned to see what positive I could, knowing that surrounding myself with positive things would uplift me.
Long story short(as this is seriously running on), I had created a goal for myself and lived to fulfill it, without making a backup plan, and dropped it. I no longer want to be a full-time chef. I want to be a leader now, but I want to invent a company, but I'm afraid of what reciprocation with come about from leaving a degree halfway. I really like school and everything, but I think I'm getting burned out. I don't want to settle, because I feel that I have a lot of potential in the idea of changing shy people and unlocking their abilities, and putting it to work for me/my company.
And while it seems I have it all planned out, I'm still very confused. Partially because I don't know where I'm going to be. So what methods can be used to increase clarity, what pieces of information is very clear to you, and what will I never have clarity about?
Also, a side note, what are the symptoms of depression, and can they be masked with a false air of optimism?

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