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Post new topic   Reply to topic Turning a new... leaf ;p
Chu
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 PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 5:04 pm Reply with quote        
I can't pass up a bad pun.

Anyway, fall has always been my favorite season, and although I've grown and changed a lot over the past six months in general, I feel like this fall is the pivotal time in my life that I actually am and feel like a changed woman. Recovery, as I have said many times before, is a slow and long process, but I've reached a time in my life where I can leave the baggage behind and heal without reminding myself of what I'm healing from. I can, and am, finally moving on. I'm happy with myself and I've come to accept my past. It's... honestly surprising, how difficult it was to get here.

Obviously this is a very personal topic, but I'd like to share this feeling of new-found achievement and independence with everyone else. What achievements have you recently made, big or small? What is going on in your life to make you happy? What have you recently changed in yourself or your surroundings that makes you feel better?

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 PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 12:44 pm Reply with quote        
*squish* i'm so happy for you, Chu Bouncy Heart continue down this good road!

as for me, it's been a weird year. Early on in the year when i was at uni, things started to go wrong. my sleep problems came back with a vengeance (and are still causing trouble now) and i had to up my meds because my moodswings went nuts again. The girl i was living with also tried to commit suicide - i came home to find the lights on but nobody home, a broken mirror in her room and blood all over the bed/floor. Very strange thing to walk in on. Possibly the most eerie moment of my life so far - but weirdly i felt that it didn't affect me that much. Perhaps it did, though, and is just unspoken in the back of my mind. It's hard to say.

Either way. I ended up quitting uni, as they recommended "for the sake of your health" - makes sense. I feel like i regret it sometimes, but on the other hand, i'd rather go through university when i know i'm capable of doing my best. Now is not that time.

I spent the summer with my boyfriend and seeing friends (i barely saw anyone while i was at uni... i was basically a social recluse, which i don't think helped matters) - it was a good summer, but one i used to forget my problems. It was a nice break from all my stresses, but the moment Sam went back to uni they all came flooding back.

Now I have to deal with the fact I have no money coming in. I have to sign on the dole, but in doing that, i have to start looking for work - and that's something that scares the shit out of me right now. I can't take any more failures, and i see any job i could get right now as ending in failure. I mean, i can't even wake up in the morning - how the hell am i supposed to hold a job? So. that's really stressing me out.

Plus sides? I've come off my anti-depressants, after about a year of taking them. Mostly... i'm actually ok Smile I have moments where i relapse into being a hormonal emotional train wreck, but mostly, it's under control. So there's some improvement.
They're also finally starting to do something about my sleeping problems. I had blood tests a while ago - but that basically only revealed my iron levels were slightly low (but i'm not anaemic). I've also had a sleep analysis, though stupidly, they were only checking for sleep apnoea, which is the one thing i KNOW i don't have. so i'm a little annoyed, but at the same time, they still filmed me sleeping, so hopefully they can still use that to determine... something :/

I'm also trying really hard to start eating more healthily and exercising more, and to start drawing again. it's slow progress with all 3, but i'll get there ^^

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 PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 6:01 pm Reply with quote        
Thank you. ^_^ I will!

Oh wow! That probably did affect you on some level. How are they doing now?

I know that you can handle yourself. I understand the insecurities and fears that you have about getting a job, but things will work out in the end. You need to remember that you're just as capable as anyone else - we all have problems, and we all have fears, but we can all move forward and provide for ourselves too. Even if you don't get a certain job or have to quit another, never view that as a failure. Take each "failure" as a learning experience and fuel to push yourself forward. You know you're better than that, so keep moving forward.

It's a big milestone to get yourself off of medication and do well with the change. You've already done something that so many people struggle with! Relapse or not, I can tell that you're getting better - it's just a part of the process. The sleeping study may or may not bring the desired results, but hey, I've always wanted to be filmed sleeping. :P That's pretty cool if you ask me, haha!

That's good! :] I know I need to start eating healthier and exercising too. I also want to get back into writing... But lazy. xP

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Angelic.Demon
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 PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 8:20 pm Reply with quote        
I think my life is changing.. and I"m not really happy with it. Well, maybe i should say more of my friends. All of them want to be "corrupted" and do certain things that they didn't want to less than 6 months ago. My one friend who swore she'd never smoke anything is now constantly talking about weed and getting high, when shes not half the time and its annoying. I"m sick of them all doing things JUST to fit in.

On a proud note, I've set my limits and I've really been keeping them. I'm not gonna do anything I will regret in the future, and I'm happy with that. I really think that, while my friends are changing for the worse, I'll still be able to keep myself even with peer pressure. And I"m proud of myself for that. I'm not going to get with a random guy at my school just for a story to tell, and I'm happy with that.

Sorry.. i really needed to get that out hahaha

I'm so happy that everything is working out for you Chu!


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Chu
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 PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 11:08 pm Reply with quote        
I am so happy for you, Demon! <3 *hugs* I went through the same bullshit in high school and I stuck to my standards just like you are - it is a much better path to take. I know that it's difficult to see your friends change so much, but you'll see in the next few years who you can rely on and trust.

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 PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 4:18 pm Reply with quote        
It's really good you feel like that. I am still trying to change myself for the better, and so far it has happened, though I'm not done blooming yet. Fall is an excelent time for change too. I'm glad you have reached this point in your life chu.
ecco



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 PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 5:34 pm Reply with quote        
AnDe;
man, sorry to hear you're having a hard time with your friends >< how old are you/your friends?
speaking of cannabis, i can't say much. I didn't try it til i was 18 though, but i have to say it's something i enjoy. That said, I have a lot of trouble relaxing - and i mean, a lot - and it's one of the very few things that actually puts me at ease. As a general rule i think doing drugs isn't a great idea - but personally, i believe weed is far less harmful than alcohol, and that's socially acceptable *shrug*
mostly i think it depends why you smoke it (or... cook with it, or whatever). I mean, if you genuinely enjoy it or were just curious and gave it a go, thats one thing. If you do it for the sake of looking cool or fitting in or whatever, on the other hand... that's... not cool at all.


Chu;
thankyou chu Bouncy Heart
as for my old housemate/landlady, i... actually have no idea how she's doing now. things were getting better around the time i moved out, though as is the nature of severe depression, has a tendency to hit the rocks at the bat of an eyelid. She ditched her boyfriend (who was the one who provoked the suicide attempt - she's 21 and has a 2 year old son. her boyfriend and her had an argument and he said she was a terrible mother and she might as well kill herself.... ><the>3< *squish* encouragement means more than people realise.

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 PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 9:42 pm Reply with quote        
@Yggdrasil: It is a good feeling, especially if it took a lot of time and work to get there. Good luck on your self-improvement. :]


@ecco: I think your post god cut off by brackets.

I see. I hope she is doing better - for herself and her son.

Yeah, no matter how strong a person is, encouragement can do wonders for them during times of crises. You know I'm always here to support you! <3

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 PostPosted: Fri Sep 23, 2011 9:43 pm Reply with quote        
I had some stuff I changed about myself in the fall and spring last summer, and I think that being around my friends helped promote that growth. Once I hit the summer, and started working, I wasn't chilling with people anymore, I found it extremely difficult to move ahead. In fact, I think I moved back. The little time I spent with friends spurred forward change in me, and now that the biggest ones are gone, I can tell I am slipping back. Old anxieties are coming back, stronger than ever. I'm confused because I'm moving forward with leftover energy and slipping back in other areas. I'm becoming a leader, but constantly self-aware; finally asked someone out, but I can't get out my shell again; I finally have a business plan, but I'm worried about money again.

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 PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2011 12:07 pm Reply with quote        
Weeeee

I love that emoticon..


Anyway, Fall is my favorite season. I love the weather, the colors, the way the air smells.. everything. It's a season of changing all right. I haven't made any great accomplishments lately, but I have realized what I'm going to do with my life soon. :3 I really want to go to college for Marine Biology. I realized that I want to do that more than anything now. I've been graduated from school for almost 2 years now, so it's about time. I have always loved the ocean, but never thought too seriously about doing something around it. I've considered Marine Biology before when I was in school still.. but the career seemed so far from reach. Now I'm determined to do it. I just have to save my money up from work, move to Florida, get settled down there for a bit and then look into colleges down there.

I already have one in mind.

It's a big change from where I live now, but I am going to try my best.

<3
neomattlac



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 PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 8:48 am Reply with quote        
Neptune - Florida is awesome for marine biology, but so is St. Mary's College of Maryland. We have our own programs for getting hired too. ^^
As for my change, I think it has to do with output and exhaustion. If I'm inputting or outputting(taking in a lot information, putting out a lot of work), then I feel more apt to change. There are also certain stimuli that catalyze my change. Like battle manga, particularly ones where characters will change appearance with enough power.

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Malverne
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 PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2011 2:05 pm Reply with quote        
I've always loved the season of fall, even if I can't stand the thought of school starting up. On that particular subject, it's my first semester as a real college student. But that really isn't a change, because I've been going to college for a year now. Yay accelerated high school!

I think the biggest shift for me was in the family situation. My parents are divorced, and live on opposite coasts, and they argue about two things constantly. One, money. Two, me. The summer is always an extremely tense time, because they always argue about when I'm going to visit, and for how long, and what's more important, the visits or my social life.

Basically, the biggest vacation from school in the year is the most stressful time of the year for me.

However, because I'm getting closer and closer to 18 (GASP!) apparently, I'm getting responsible, so now *I* get to pick when I go. While this means that my parents are no longer arguing over me, and I don't have to go to church when I'm visiting my dad, it does mean that my parents are going to probably give me grief over my decisions. I'm going to have to learn to tell my parents to shut up and let me do what I want to do.



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 PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2011 9:46 pm Reply with quote        
Ah, the college experience. I feel like I got the whole "away from mom and dad" experience when I went and got my culinary degree, and now I'm getting the traditional college experience. I just wish I could afford to live on campus. I feel that I am missing SO much.

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Angelic.Demon
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 PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 10:40 pm Reply with quote        
ecco wrote:
I mean, if you genuinely enjoy it or were just curious and gave it a go, thats one thing. If you do it for the sake of looking cool or fitting in or whatever, on the other hand... that's... not cool at all.

I know its a bit later, but i just read this and wanted to say something.
I totally understand being curious about it.. I mean i was. But its when, and this just happened today, I'm at my friends house and she says "Dude, I feel so weird. Like, the world is spinning. And my body is shaking. Its like I"m high." And she constantly says things like "I"m shaking" or "I feel high." I feel like she's doing it so that I'll think shes this coll smoker girl. Its just obnoxious.

But it's been getting better. That same friend admits she thinks some people are playing up how they feel/act. I just feel separate now because I was out for a week and the next week was spent catching up :]


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 PostPosted: Thu Oct 13, 2011 9:48 pm Reply with quote        
Wow, everyone's achievements seem so much more... significant, in comparison to mine. Duh At least it's something though, heh?

This fall is definitely very different for me. So much is different and for that I'm happy, with the most significant being my appearance and the way I see myself. Some of you might have read my post in another thread, and I'd like to say that I've lost 10lbs since then, making a total of 30lbs lost since this time last year. I love buying clothes now, with my wardrobe having changed dramatically. xD I've noticed people(ok ok guys :P) look at me differently now, and found myself wanting to go out more and do more; just generally being more social... Probably because I actually have some self confidence now.

It's amazing how one little thing can cause so much to happen. We had a really bad winter last year, so most of my time was spent stuck inside. Everything was dead, cold and depressing, and even though I had a lot to do I couldn't compel myself to do it. I could see the ends to the mean but I didn't care. I was stuck and alone.
But in February everything changed, it was literally overnight too - my grandma developed an infection and had to have surgery done. I went and stayed with her, took care of her and basically found a purpose again. I was independent for the most part, and I loved it. That's when my weight loss began, as my appetite pretty much disappeared during this time. Only a few things still appealed to me. (I lived off peas and noodles for like two months :U) I actually only recently got my appetite back, but still can't eat as much as I use too.
I also took school more seriously, and made an attempt to understand what I was doing instead of just "getting the lessons done".
In May I graduated, my grandma was all better, and I started to make a real attempt to change myself.

I can safely say this summer has been the best summer for me, ever. For several reasons... I stayed at my cousin's for weeks at a time taking care of them while their parents were away for the day. It was so much fun... We were basically by ourselves from the time we woke up until six at night. This summer was pretty bad for storms though, we had a few scares while we were by ourselves. It got so bad one time I could've sworn there was a tornado. It sounded like a freight train was going over the house, and it hailed(hard) for 15 minutes straight, and continued to hail for at least another 10. We were all huddled down in the basement. xD

I've had to grow up a lot, but there's still so much left. I'm looking forward to tomorrow and what it might bring though. ;w;

heh, this turned out a lot longer then planned.

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