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Post new topic   Reply to topic A place to rant and get advice if you want.
KoyiTar



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 PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 10:53 pm Reply with quote        
hmmmm It seems this has changed to an advice place sortave as well as a rant place so umm just chat about whatever.

Yeah I don't do things like this anywhere really so this is my first real vent thread or just talk it out thread or something like that I don't even know really.

[b]Also Apology's in advance there is complaints made about the system=Medicaid which is the American government paying people ways and stuff so apologies in advance if I offend anyone over it. I just have disagreements on it and have vowed to never be on it.




So yeah I really don't know where to start. I really just need someone like a friend or something to talk to but really have no real life friends. Now don't start saying oh look another whiny baby whose looking for attention. I don't have a lot or really any friends in real life by choice. The ones I do know live so far away now I can't hang out with them or our schedules are so out of wack we don't have the time of day to hang out. That and I am very very picky about the people I let into my life. Most people I keep at arms length for fear of getting hurt in some way shape or form. It's happened more times than I can count do to my own failings in not seeing the warning signs.

Anyway I have a son he's beautiful wouldn't trade him for the world. The man I had him with I dropped like a sake of rotten potatoes when he took a plea deal for internet stalking of a minor. You may ask why would you even date a man who had even been arrested of this crime in the first place. Because I believed his stupid story. I thought I knew him better than that because we had been friends and worked together for four and a half years. Well I fell for him ended up making the mistake of marrying him and having a kid. The kid is not the mistake I wouldn't trade my son for anything in the world not even the world. The man on the other hand well I guess I did trade him out seeing as I made him my ex-husband as soon as he took the plea deal.

So yeah I live with my mom have since before my kid was born so we could all afford a place to live. She is kind enough to help me out with food, bills, keeping my kid while I go to work. She even quit her job for a while to keep my kid at night so I could go to school. Now that I have graduated she goes back to work after she comes and gets me seeing as I don;t know how to drive. So I luck out on not having to pay any daycare costs. Of course I have my own bills to pay. There's my half of the rent, my cell phone, the cab,internet and land line package deal thing. So I am not getting everything Scott free I pay my fair share of bills. There are people that say I am taking advantage of my mother. I say how I pay my rent and several other bills the only thing she pays is her half of the rent and the electric bill which isn't that much. I get all my kids stuff when he needs it. She has picked up the slack when I have been unable to get pull-ups because of a late child support payment or I am low because it was rent week and my pay check was all but drained.

Anyway despite all these things I get flack from several people over having friends on my Facebook page that are single. Guy friends that is, what the hell I am single I think I am entitled to look around for a male companion. I am a mommy to my kid first and foremost and that should be what matters. I work hard for the money I earn which is a lot to be said for and single mom at the moment. I know several whom are friends of mine who quit there jobs just to get onto the system so they could get a free ride. I am not one of those people I want to earn what I got even if my mom has to help me every now and again to keep my head above water. I mean I got student loans to pay back on top of my regular bills now so I am glad my mom helps me as much as she does because she knows I don't want to be on a system that is allowing anyone and everyone to quit there job and stay on it. There is no hope for this country anymore.

Anyway back to the guy matter I don't really have anyone on my friends list that I would consider really dating seeing as A: I don't know them as well as I used to due to lack of communication over the years and B: None of them are really my type aside from one and well he's not interested in females so yeah that goes out the window there. How do I take this message from one of my friends at work. It read this: OMG real name how can you have guy friends in your profile that are single that's just not right you being a mommy and such.

I mean how the hell do i respond to that without everyone at work just finding out as soon as I go in tomorrow because she will bring it up either way. I mean she's more of an acquaintance than a friend if you will but for kindness sake I put up with her and shit and talk to her. I really don;t know how to deal with that at all.

That's pretty much it I feel a bit better complaining on here than I would have venting anywhere else if you read that cool give me some feedback would be helpful and lovely. Also will say this though I appreciate being able to live with my mom and am stuck with her for the rest of my life because she had a brain aneurysm and survived it with mostly damage to her short term memory. I actually dislike it and wish I didn't have to.

Again thanks for read if you did you guys rock.

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 PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 11:13 pm Reply with quote        
First off, I don't think anyone here would think something like "oh look another whiny baby," at least not like that.

I don't really have much of an opinion on most of what you said. Your ex sounds like a creep. It doesn't really seem like your taking advantage of your mom to me. It's not like she's paying all , or even most, of the bills or anything. Unless you count the car stuff, I guess.

And the thing about facebook? Honestly, that doesn't even make sense. Maybe it's just because I'm a teenager and all, but I'm pretty sure there isn't some kind of rule about women with kids not being able to have single, male friends on facebook. I mean, what the hell?


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Uni has swallowed me whole, in more ways than one, sorry guys. Feel free to PM any questions (or nonquestions {or anything else, no limits here}) you have, although I don't know when I'll get to them since I'm barely on atm.
KoyiTar



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 PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 11:20 pm Reply with quote        
It's not really a rule its more how she feels and has raised the topic at work at lunch before which got me flack from some other work friends on the subject. I mean it's not like I am looking for a replacement father for my kid I don't even think I will get into a relationship that will last long enough for the guy to even become involved in my kids life. All I really want is friendship someone to spend time with away from work and home that treats me out every now and again but for the most part each of us pays our own way most of the time. If anything happens at the end of the date which probably won't till like the 6th or 7th if me and the person even have that many that's fine if not that's ok as well. I mean all I really want is companionship I could care less about someone to marry again seeing as most my other relationships failed.

I was with a guy for three years straight if you count off and on time after that we were together about 8 years. Anyway yeah things didn't go well there. I have only been with three others since 2 I am still great friends with the other is my ex-husband and I put up with him for my kids sake since he has supervised visitations once a month.

And on the whiny baby thing that has become a force of habit to say do to the site that must not be named.

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neomattlac



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 PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 11:24 pm Reply with quote        
Sounds like you actually have a lot going for you. And don't forget that it isn't unusual for someone to have a divorce early, and not remarry, particularly women. As for the coworker thing, if you enjoy her company, and she enjoys yours, she won't talk about it. A lot of people have bad short term memory. Just act like she never asked anything.
And it doesn't seem like you are taking advantage of her, more like taking care of her. Especially if you are paying for the landline, cell phone, etc.
Don't worry about the whole ex thing, as long as he pays the child support.
And don't stress too much about finding a boyfriend. After all, unless you are me, you stil have a lot of time to do that. 15 years, at least. That's more than half of your life already. And I really don't think you should cate people through Facebook. My cousin married a girl he met on the internet and he seems to be truly in love, but I don't know how that'll work out for you.
Not sure if I actually answered anything. XP
And I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who feels that way about dates and such.

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KoyiTar



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 PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 11:29 pm Reply with quote        
Maybe I should clarify all my friends on Facebook are people I know personally in real life and see from time to time if not most of the time.

I don't go friending like everyone on Facebook and stuff people like that annoy me. Like hey we have this one friend in common lets be friends. Like what no.

Anyway just letting it out helped and seeing that people read it and had some form of answer was also helpful.

Also the work friend isn't the one with memory loss its my mom. And the friend is one of those that likes to start crap I put up with her mainly for works sake but would truly like to see her dropped from a really high place into a vat of boiling hot water.

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neomattlac



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 PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 11:44 pm Reply with quote        
I would just ignore the coworker(or in my case, snap at them, then ignore them. Bad temper. XP).
And I wouldn't go out with anyone unless you want to go out with them.

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Remind me to remind you to give me stuff
Send me your drawings of ducks.
I have a really bad memory, so if we got into a conversation or something and I just vanished, feel free to send me a pm and I'll reappear.
KoyiTar



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 PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 11:47 pm Reply with quote        
Eh there's people I want to go out with but I actually have to schedule my dates seeing as my mom keeps my kid all day then works about three hours a night two night out of the week. Shes limited to how many hours she can work or she loses her SSI money. So actually going out for a date can be a hassle seeing as I have to find a date and time that will work and find out if my mom is willing to watch my kid that night. I am 25 and have a curfew because I don't want to come in and wake up my kid.

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neomattlac



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 PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 11:51 pm Reply with quote        
I understand that, sort of.
If there is someone who you want to go out with, go for it. Most people understand if you have a very busy schedule.

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Remind me to remind you to give me stuff
Send me your drawings of ducks.
I have a really bad memory, so if we got into a conversation or something and I just vanished, feel free to send me a pm and I'll reappear.
KoyiTar



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 PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 11:53 pm Reply with quote        
Not really not the people I know. They actually kindave frown on it at times. Hence the no real friends by choice thing.

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neomattlac



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 PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 11:56 pm Reply with quote        
People are odd sometimes. Maybe things change more between ages 20 and 25 than I understand.
Anyways, is it your friends that you want to go out with, or someone else?
Don't answer that if you feel it is too private.

_________________
Remind me to remind you to give me stuff
Send me your drawings of ducks.
I have a really bad memory, so if we got into a conversation or something and I just vanished, feel free to send me a pm and I'll reappear.
KoyiTar



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 PostPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 12:03 am Reply with quote        
Sortave and when I mean go out I don't necessarily mean on a date it could just be hanging out for all I care as long as its not work home work home all the time.

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neomattlac



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 PostPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 12:08 am Reply with quote        
I know what you mean. I rarely hang with... the 3 or 4 friends I have...
They work. XP

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Remind me to remind you to give me stuff
Send me your drawings of ducks.
I have a really bad memory, so if we got into a conversation or something and I just vanished, feel free to send me a pm and I'll reappear.
KoyiTar



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 PostPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 12:13 am Reply with quote        
I work they also work. Schedules vary and we cant find time to hang. Then there is my having a kid factor. Yeah kindave sucks sometimes

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neomattlac



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 PostPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 12:25 am Reply with quote        
Well, I don't see why you need to hand without your kid.
And, if they really want to hang, I don't see why they wouldn't just schedule around it. Saturday nights perhaps.
And you said you kid was 5 years old? So he would have friends by now, and a lot of parents don't mind having sleepovers every once in a while.

_________________
Remind me to remind you to give me stuff
Send me your drawings of ducks.
I have a really bad memory, so if we got into a conversation or something and I just vanished, feel free to send me a pm and I'll reappear.
KoyiTar



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 PostPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 12:50 am Reply with quote        
No my kid Is only 21 months not even two yet lol. That's why I don't hang with him along. One of my good friends came over today to return my swords he had been holding on to for me and my son hid the entire time. Then again he hadn't seen this friend of mine since he was a tiny baby so thats why lol.

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